Nearing Home by Billy Graham (best book club books for discussion txt) 📗

Most people are familiar with a “last will and testament,” a legal document that outlines what they wish to happen after their deaths. In recent years, due to enormous changes within our nation’s health care system, an important document has emerged that gives patients certain rights. This is popularly known as a “living will.” (This may go by various names, such as an “advance medical directive” or a “declaration of a desire for a natural death.”) This document expresses what a person wishes to happen before his or her death—specifically, what the person wishes to happen in case of a physical or mental disability or a major medical emergency. Living wills have become important mainly because of medical advances that can prolong a person’s life well beyond its normal expectancy, even in dire circumstances.

Closely associated with the living will may be other types of legal documents, such as powers of attorney that authorize another person to act on your behalf in case you are unable to function on your own. A “health care power of attorney” allows you to designate a family member or other trusted person to make medical decisions concerning your care if you are no longer able to make them for yourself. Similarly, a “financial power of attorney” designates someone who can make financial decisions on your behalf in case of your incapacity. Always be careful about signing any document of this nature under pressure (such as when undergoing emergency medical care in another state) to be sure it doesn’t change your true wishes or reverse something you signed previously.

These are difficult, complex, and emotional issues to decide; but when the medical consensus is that there is no reasonable hope of recovery, my own conviction is that extreme measures are only artificially delaying a person’s death, not prolonging life. As much as possible, such matters need to be decided before they become necessary and then set forth in a valid legal document. Once a medical emergency develops, it is usually impossible for the patient to express his wishes in a way that will give clear and legal guidance to the doctor or hospital. Incidentally, many hospitals now have on their websites suggested forms to deal with these matters.

Why go to the trouble of having a living will or any other document that comes into effect only when you are unable to function on your own? The most obvious reason is to spare yourself what might otherwise be a prolonged period of suffering and indignity when there is, in fact, no hope of recovery. But a living will is also important for the same reason your last will and testament is important: for the sake of your family. Lacking any directive from you, family members may find themselves caught in a confusing and emotional web of difficult choices—and they may not all agree on the way forward. In addition, laws in some states (so I understand) may mandate extreme measures that cannot be withdrawn once they are started. The expense and the emotional toll on the family can be staggering—but more than that, in such situations the true wishes of the patient will be ignored because they were never put in writing. Help yourself and your family avoid what can become a nightmare.

Christians are not to be preoccupied with death; God has put within each of us a will to survive. But neither are we to shrink from death or act as if we must fiercely resist it until the last breath. The time may well come, in fact, when life’s burdens and pains overwhelm us so much that we will welcome death as a friend—and that is as it should be. If we know Christ, we know that Heaven is our true home, and (like the saints of old) we are “longing for a better country—a heavenly one” (Hebrews 11:16).

A WORD TO ADULT CHILDREN

Remember that one day everyone will be facing old age. I can recall as a young adult worrying about my parents as they aged. I always tried to give them the respect they earned and deserved, and I was cautious not to insult them by suggesting that they could no longer make important decisions about their lives. A fine line sometimes separates preserving your parents’ dignity and ensuring their well-being.

Perhaps some may be saying, “Well, I’m sure those things are important, but I’m still young, and all this seems a long way off for me.” You are probably right; but your parents may be in turmoil about how their decisions affect not only them but you.

Some adult children worry that their parents are not taking these steps, and the children are reluctant to bring it up, thinking that the parents may mistake their motives. This does present a problem sometimes. The relationship between parents and their adult children can be difficult. As a rule adults don’t like to be told what to do by their parents—and parents don’t like to be told what to do by their children. But refusing to act on the practical issues that confront us as we grow older (or simply ignoring them) often becomes a sure recipe for turmoil and conflict within a family. I encourage adult children to consider turning the tables. Ask your parents’ advice as you seek what plans you should also put in place. Perhaps this would open up the discussion because, after all, they may also be reluctant to bring up dreaded subjects. Sometimes older people need their children’s perspective—and perhaps this approach can be the nudge that is needed.

Only you know the dynamics within your own family, but I encourage you not to draw back from trying to help in these important matters. Ask the Lord to give you wise words and a sense of right timing for such discussions. The Lord honors His people who do all in His name with respect, gentleness, and love. Take to heart the Bible’s admonition: “The wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all