The Reed Security Relationship Manual: A Reed Security Romance - Giulia Lagomarsino (best book club books of all time TXT) 📗

“So, what you’re saying is I should hire you to kill my husband.”

I shook my head wildly. “No, that’s not— No, what I’m saying is…I mean, I sort of stalked her, if you want to call it that—“

“Everyone calls it that,” Rocco muttered.

“But it was just because I wanted to see her. See, I brought her this big wreath because I didn’t know what flowers she liked.” I stared at the woman with a big grin on my face, thinking she would totally love it, but she just stared at me like I was an idiot. My smile fell and I cleared my throat. “Well, anyway, I thought it was totally awesome. But she had me sort of arrested because I showed up at her house for our date, which I told her I was going to be there at seven. And then she got pissed at me. I was trying to be romantic.”

“Was there a point to this?” she asked frustratedly. “Because you’re just making yourself sound like an idiot.”

I shrugged slightly. “I did get the girl,” I muttered.

“How did you manage that?” she asked incredulously.

“Well, it wasn’t easy. I mean, she didn’t want to see me. So, I had to be creative and come up with ways to see her. The first time was a bit of a bust. See, the plan was for me to run into her in the park, but then some guy attacked a woman, and I had to shoot him. She didn’t like that too much.”

“I can’t imagine why not.”

“I know, right? I mean, I was being the hero.”

“I was being sarcastic.”

I frowned, running that through my head again. “Right, well, anyway, I needed ways to see her, but since she wasn’t cooperating, I found other ways. I was originally going to kidnap her, but then someone beat me to it and I had to kidnap her to save her. Then, I tricked her into marrying me, which wasn’t the easiest thing to do, let me tell you—” I snorted. She just stared at me, so I continued. “I sold her house out from under her when she found out that our marriage wasn’t necessary at all. Now, if you want to talk about things that you want to shoot someone for…I think we all know who wins that contest.”

“Clearly, my husband isn’t the biggest idiot in the room.”

“Hey, I resent that. I’m still happily married. And if you think what I did was bad, you should hear what Rocco did, and he’s about to get married. I mean, assuming he can get her to sign the marriage contract.”

“You’re making her sign a marriage contract?” she asked incredulously.

“Hey, it’s for our mutual benefit,” Rocco said in defense.

“So, what did you do that was so terrible?”

“I mean, it wasn’t that bad. My killer robot tear-gassed my girlfriend, and my floor electrocuted her,” Rocco nodded. “Not to mention that the security system was tied into our security company, and everyone was watching us have sex.” He winced slightly. “It wasn’t the worst thing that could have happened,” he huffed. “I mean, thank God that I got to her before the robot enacted the nerve gas. That would have been bad.”

The lady stared at us incredulously. “I can’t believe it.”

“See?” I nodded. “I bet your husband isn’t looking too bad right now.”

“You’re all insane!” she yelled. “I don’t know why you would think that I could talk it out with him. You’re worse than he is.”

“Yeah, but that’s the point. I mean, none of us are divorced. That must say something about our methods.”

“But he’s not you!” she shouted.

Florrie stood, holding her hands out to the woman. “Look, I’ve been there. Men are pigs, am I right? They expect you to clean up after them, they can’t do anything for themselves, and they smell half the time.”

“Hey!” I said indignantly, but she shut me up with a look.

“But, we still love them, as smelly as they are. What you really need is a relationship manual.”

“A what?”

“Rocco, here,” she said, slapping him on the shoulder, “is writing a relationship manual for men. It’s so they know how not to fuck up. My suggestion to you? Let him finish it, and he’ll send it over to your husband. If at that time he still can’t manage to do things right, you do whatever you want.”

“Florrie, I don’t think—” Rocco started.

“Just take the hit off him for now. That’s all we ask.”

She looked at us suspiciously. “And you think this will work?”

“I have a copy of it on my phone,” Rocco said, pulling it out.

“You keep that on your phone?”

He glared at me. “You never know when a situation will come up when you might need it. Like now.”

He passed his phone over to the woman and watched as she scanned through it. Milo looked like he would pass out if she didn’t accept the terms. After a few minutes, she handed it back over.

“Fine, I’ll agree to your terms.”

“Thank you.”

“In the meantime, he stays away from me, until he can read through that and figure out how to behave.”

We all stood and walked for the door. Milo breathed out a sigh of relief as he stepped outside with us. “I can’t thank you enough. I really thought I was going to be dead by the end of the week.”

I grinned at him. “That’s what we do.”

“Actually, that’s what the manual does, saving relationships one bad decision at a time.”

Chapter Ten

Storm

“Babe?” I walked in the house and stopped to listen for her. I wasn’t sure what she was up to tonight, but I was hoping for a little space to work on my portion of the manual. I wasn’t having much luck getting anything done with it at work. I was too keyed up. Jessica had been talking recently about having kids, and since everyone else had rugrats running around, it looked like it was time for us to start a family. Not to mention that my