Bandits Engaged (Battlegroup Z Book 4) by Daniel Gibbs (classic literature list .txt) 📗

The usual annoyance or condescension Justin used to feel when someone brought up God wasn’t there. In its place was a level of shame, knowing that a higher power looking down on him would see Justin’s many sins. “Funny you put it that way. I’ve grown to believe the same.”

Whatley raised an eyebrow. “I saw you at the chapel once. Didn’t realize it stuck.”

“I don’t know if it did.” Justin shrugged. “But I had to face some hard truths, and one of them is I can’t control everything around me, nor do I believe everything is purely random chance.”

Silence again broke out in the office. It quickly became oppressive, though Justin wasn’t sure what to say. The entire set of subjects was wildly uncomfortable to him.

“Is your head in the game?”

Justin narrowed his eyes. “Yes, sir,” he replied without even thinking. Of course it is.

“Okay. I’m going to hold you to that, because if it’s not, you’ll make mistakes. And when you make mistakes—”

“Pilots die.” Justin set his jaw. “It’s bad enough, the losses we’ve taken. I won’t be the cause of more.”

“Good. That’s the right attitude, son.” Whatley stretched, tilting his head back. “Anything else?”

“No, sir.”

“Then get back to your duties. I’ll consider the Boar request. Dismissed.”

Justin sprang out of the chair. “Yes, sir. Good day, sir.”

“Godspeed, Captain.”

After the discussion with Major Whatley, Justin ended up spending a few more hours on squadron-readiness reviews, inspecting several damaged Sabres, and writing a condolence message to Lieutenant Hawkins's wife. He detested how easy it had become to write them. The first time he wrote one, it had cut him to the core, but now it was something he did at times without emotion. It shouldn’t be this easy to lose our friends. But I’m not, am I? I’ve got a few people I’ve stayed close to but not the new pilots. Not the replacements that aren’t likely to survive.

Justin continued to ruminate on the topic over a quick dinner, which he consumed alone in the mess closest to the hangar deck. Then he made his way to the chapel for the first time in a couple of weeks. Since meeting with Father Elliott after returning from the Sol mission, Justin had gone to services a few times. He’d even gotten through a few of the Bible verses the chaplain gave him.

At 1945 CMT, most of the first- and second-watch personnel were off duty. Many of them were asleep, and that was reflected in how empty the chapel was. Justin pushed the hatch open and made his way to a pew. Each one had an actual paper printed Bible in it along with various hymn books and religious materials, since several denominations of Christians used the same space. Jews and Muslims had their spiritual areas elsewhere on the deck.

One of the passages Elliott had given Justin to review was in Deuteronomy. He flipped open the Bible in front of him and leafed to the page the verse appeared on. “Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you.”

“Words to live by,” Father Elliott said.

Startled, Justin whirled around to see the priest standing a pew over. “Uh, sorry, Father. I didn’t hear you come in.”

“I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

Justin shook his head. “You didn’t.” He swallowed. “It’s been a long day.”

“In combat?”

“Yes. We sortied out against those…” Justin narrowed his eyes. “Pirates. Lost another pilot.”

“You feel responsible?”

“Why do you say that?” Justin asked.

“Because I’m a soldier too. And if someone under my command had died in combat, I’d feel as if I failed them.”

“I struggle with it, Father. We’re supposedly the best of the best, yet far too many of us don’t go home. It’s bad enough when the enemy is the League of Sol. But… pirates? Seriously?”

“You mean criminals aren’t good enough to die in combat against?”

“Yeah. Exactly.” Justin chuckled. “Probably a silly sentiment.”

“Not at all. At least the Leaguers, as bad as they are, fight for something they presumably believe in. These pirates want a payday and are willing to kill innocents to get it.” Elliott narrowed his eyes. “They’re scum. But remember, they’re still God’s children.”

Justin snorted. “I’m having a hard time getting my head wrapped around the idea of God—if He exists—caring about people who do so much wrong.”

Elliott sat down on the pew next to Justin. “And what, pray tell, would you be doing if you had the misfortune of being born to a citizen of the League?”

The priest’s question caught Justin off guard. He pondered for a few moments before realizing the point the man was trying to make. “I might be doing some pretty distasteful things in the name of my country.”

“Yes. Worse, you wouldn’t have the benefit of learning a better way, as we do.” Elliott smiled. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“No.” Justin shook his head and sighed. “Father, I’m still struggling. Frankly, I don’t know what I believe. The door’s been opened to something larger than us in control, but I want to grab it. If God’s really in control, I’d love to lift Him by the lapels of His shirt and give Him a good shake.”

“I see.” Elliott started laughing. “Well, if I see Him, I’ll let Him know what you have in mind.” He sucked in a breath. “Not that I expect either one of us would ever get that chance.”

Justin turned his head and stared at the cross that stood at the front of the chapel. “My wife is expecting. We’re going to have a baby boy.” He fought to keep from showing emotion, but a tear fell down his cheek.

“Congratulations! That will give your daughter someone to play with,” Elliott replied. “And double the amount of mischief occurring in your home. But there’s something else there, isn’t there?” The priest stared at him. “It's bothering