Exes and Exorcisms by Keira Blackwood (uplifting book club books .txt) 📗

him. “This is not an improvement. This is an abomination.”

“So here’s the thing,” I said. “You might want to sit down for this.”

I explained the events of the previous few days, starting with Peter and Xavier’s arrival, and Peter’s possession, and Yelling Man’s involvement in solving the problem. Then I moved into His Lordship’s current predicament.

“Hold on a second,” Grayson said. “Are you telling me your vampire brother has barricaded himself in Marla’s and my apartment?”

Marla hit him. “I don’t care about that, I just want His Lordship to be well!”

“He seems fine,” Grayson said. “I’m a little more concerned about where I’m sleeping tonight.”

Xavier spoke up. “I’ve been watching the cats, and His Lordship isn’t fine. I mean, I agree, he’s a lot easier to get along with, but this isn’t really him.”

The door swung open, and Ben walked in, his white beard leading the way. Once again, he carried his golf bag and wore a pirate-style shirt. The ruffles fluttered in the breeze from the door.

He pointed at each of us. Just like last time he came here, he labeled us according to our supernatural categorization. “Vampire. Shifter. Vampire. Shifter.”

“Who’s this?” Grayson asked, looking like he was ready to defend his mate and territory, his shoulders hunched up bigger, his eyes narrowed.

“Relax, watchdog,” I said to him. “That’s Ben Griff. He does that late night radio show…” I wasn’t sure how to say Ben was Yelling Man without possibly offending Ben. Thankfully, Grayson got the hint.

“Ah, nice to meet you,” Grayson said, striding forward and shaking Ben’s hand. “I hear your show from Kelly’s apartment every night.”

I shot Marla an apologetic look. I hadn’t realized the radio was that loud.

“Sensitive ears,” she said, pointing to her own ears.

“Ah, gotcha,” I said.

“You caught me just in time,” Ben said, shaking everyone else’s hands. “I’m on my way out of town.”

“Oh, vacation?” Xavier asked, his voice a comforting rumble next to me.

“No, no,” he said. “I’m off to the Scrote convention, up in Cincinnati.”

“Uh...what?” Xavier said, cocking his head to the side.

Ben nodded. “Yes, S-C-R-O-T-E. I mentioned it last time I was here, although not by name. Members call it Scrote, for short.”

I mouthed the letters. “SCROTE. That’s a rather interesting...what’s the word for that?” I asked.

“Oh shit, here we go again,” Grayson said.

“No, there’s a word. Not abbreviation, although it is that,” I said. Damn it, this was going to bother me.

“It’s an acronym,” Grayson said, before turning to Ben. “What does SCROTE stand for?”

“It’s the Society's Central Radio for Otherworldly Terrifying Exorcisms,” Ben said proudly, “and I’m the keynote this year.”

“Oh,” Marla said with interest. “What will you be speaking on?”

“Yelling in Style: Convincing Small Towns of the Demonic Dangers of the Universe,” Ben said. “Here’s a brochure, in case any of you want to join SCROTE.”

“Oh, um, no thank you,” Marla said, but he was thrusting it at her like a fencing foil, so she had no choice but to reluctantly take it from him.

“Hand it over,” I said. “I might want to start a radio show and fight demons.”

A cartoon illustration covered the front of the brochure. It looked almost like Ben, with his scruffy beard and straight white teeth, wearing headphones and holding a mic. A glow surrounded the cartoon Ben, and beyond it were demonic-looking faces glaring at him with frustrated expressions. I flipped the brochure over to the back, to find a logo with a radio tower, and at the base of it, two rounded hills. It was definitely phallic, but I wasn’t sure that was the logo’s intent. Beneath it was a bit of text. The Society's Central Radio for Otherworldly Terrifying Exorcisms was founded by Dr. Benjamin Griff and currently boasts several members. Join today! Visit our website for more information.

“Boasts several members?” I said aloud.

Ben ignored me and fiddled with the edge of his golf bag.

I opened up the brochure and scanned the contents. The list of topics stuck out at me, each one in bold, red writing.

Radiowaves and Demonic Possession

Thwarting Evil, One Show at a Time

Exorcisms on Air

Transdimensional Portals and the Demons That Love Them

Random Mayhem or The End of Days—A Beginners Guide

“This sounds...fascinating,” I said. Having a radio show could be cool, because I could shout my opinions at everyone. It also might make me slightly crazy...and I liked crazy.

“So, where is your newly possessed friend?” Ben asked, peering at us. He walked straight to Marla and poked her shoulder. “It’s you, isn’t it? I can practically smell the stench of demon coming from your person.”

“It is not me,” Marla said, batting his finger away. “And there is no stench. I just arrived in town. We’re worried about His Lordship King Snugglebumpkins, here. Wait, where’d he go?”

We all looked around. Finally, I spotted the beast sitting on the front desk in a patch of sunlight coming through the front window. He was doing something with his paws, so I strode forward to get a closer look.

He was carefully lining up the pens on the desk.

“Oh, this is not good,” I said under my breath. The cat was nothing but chaos, usually.

Ben ambled over with his golf bag. “Okay, let’s take a look.”

I stepped out of the way to give Ben more room, and Ben peered into His Lordship’s yellow eyes. “This is definitely the same demon as before. And it is getting stronger. Much stronger.”

“How can you tell?” Xavier asked, coming to stand next to me.

I reached for his hand, and he threaded his fingers with mine. His touch gave me comfort and reassurance. He was an assertive, protective shifter, yes, but he was also caring and affectionate. I really did love this man.

“It’s all in the pupils, ” Ben said, staring at the loudly purring cat. “We’ll need different supplies this time. We must adjust it to the demon’s increasing strength. In this case, we’ll need three tins of sardines exactly one month past the expiration date, a sprig of catmint, and my spray bottle of demon