Forgive Me by Kateri Stanley (love letters to the dead txt) 📗

this way because they cared for him. The tests, every syringe they plunged into his arm, sapping his blood, the aches he was feeling were for good reasons, for the greater purpose of the future.

“You know what to do!” Paul barked. “Get to it!”

The boy heard the heartbeat of the other entity in the room. An instinct made him crouch. He heard its rapid breath; four hooves shaking and scraping the floor, the sound made the boy’s ears ring. The fawn smelled its surroundings, its nostrils flaring. The boy slid his back up the wall, waiting ever so obediently. He saw the outline of the fawn in the darkness. He pushed his body into a stealth tactic, keeping his treading light on the ground.

As the baby deer drew closer, he pounced, hooking his arm about its neck. It squealed painfully, squirming against him, kicking out until he applied pressure. He hated the noise; it was calling out for protection and their deaths always made him cry. Minutes trickled when the body convulsed in his arms. The lights flashed on above his head causing his eyes to burn wildly.

“Stop weeping!” Paul yelled.

“I don't want to do this anymore!” the boy shouted back.

Paul whipped his face. The pain bloomed, throbbing in his cheek as he was hauled to his feet.

The fawn laid on the floor, a baby, probably stolen from its mother. He cried even harder when they sluggishly shoved him out of the training room. The boy didn't want to kill, they made him do it. He protested, wailing and waving his arms but his shouts of anguish were ignored. They threw him into his cell, locking the door behind him. He wouldn't be eating for a while. The boy didn't understand. He was meant to be special, better than most but they were treating him like a monster.

He laid on the cold floor, sobbing to himself and vowed to become what they wanted him to be. They were playing an insidious game, so he decided to hike up the stakes. He programmed himself to speak the way they wanted him to be, cold and empty. He taught himself not to bite back when they conducted their annual interviews, scribbling numbers on their clipboards. He stayed calm when they belittled his nature with his wrists and feet bound. He felt nothing when they squeezed glass into his skin as they tested his pain threshold.

Eventually, he discovered the result in the eyes of the fear filled guard who was stationed outside his cell. His pupils jolted, dilating in seconds as his neck broke like a china cup. They knew how lethal he’d become over the years; they knew what was possible if his restraints were a fraction looser. They’d find out and realise soon enough, he was their deadliest mistake.

Chapter Fourteen

Spring 1989

After he stopped running, the boy indulged in the beauty circling him. It seemed like he’d been going for hours. Maybe he had. He had to get as far away as possible, more guards would have been on his tail with sniffer dogs to track his scent. The boy glanced up at the vivid blue sky, calculating the time, it was distance he needed in his favour.

He lapped up the sumptuous clean air, enjoying the sensation swirling in his lungs. He paced himself as he walked through the acres of trees, enjoying the sounds of the birds chirping, splashing his face with cold water from the creaks. He even laughed when the flies started to swarm him, tasting his dirty sweaty skin. He knew there were several heartbeats watching him - bears, an alpha wolf, and they kept their distance.

The boy didn’t feel anything when the branches cut into his bare feet like butter. He was used to pain. It had been a constant in his life. He wasn’t scared of it anymore. He wasn't alarmed when he saw the man in the green coat brandishing his gun. He didn’t care when he wrapped his arms around his neck. His stomach didn't flip when the cracks from his skull dislodged. He didn't even hear the body fall as he continued to cross the wood.

The boy kept heading through the forest. He took everything in. The lush colours of the world he wasn't allowed to see. He saw the clearing in the trees. Twigs and branches broke under his feet, sending the noises to scatter. When he drew closer, he saw a metal fence as high as the trees and perched discreetly behind was a wooden cabin. Then he saw something which made his heart bloom...

It was entrancing and beautiful.

A girl...

He’d never seen one before, only in picture books.

Her eyes stopped dead at the sight of him and the power in her gaze held him firmly to the spot. Her yellow milky mane was loose around her shoulders, leaves clung to her nightdress and the mud was swamping up her feet. What was she doing out here all by herself?

“Do you need help?” the girl asked.

There was something unsettling about her. She wasn't frightened of him.

“I'm lost,” he replied truthfully.

“I can get my momma to call someone to take you back home.”

I’m not going back there, he wanted to say but instead other words answered for him. “I...don't have a home.”

“Why are you so dirty? You’re not meant to be out there. It’s forbidden!” she yelled. Now she was scared. “The lumberjack will get you!”

The boy knew about the romantic vigilante who stood up for justice, fighting against evil. But how did she know about it?

“He doesn’t live out there. You wouldn’t want to be out here,” the boy said. “There are monsters everywhere.”

“I’m not scared,” the girl replied passionately. “And I’m not scared of you!”

The girl wasn’t aware she was speaking to a monster. His primal instincts and desire battled within him. He walked towards her, leaning on the fencing. Wires separating them. He could’ve pulled her head clean off. “Is that right?”

Hunger caught him strongly like a quench for water