Forgive Me by Kateri Stanley (love letters to the dead txt) 📗

gave them a shove if they got in his way but the guys, he didn't hold back. Especially when one piece of shit tried to grope Cameron’s chest at a party and Isaac nearly broke his jaw. Cameron’s strength became the talk of the town rather than her genital preference in girls.

His dad took him to the park and they’d practice shooting. They’d hunt, Isaac wasn’t a fan but he did it because it made his dad happy. He remembered the startled look on Ted’s expression when he walked out of the clearing, clutching a deer’s head in his hand. Ted asked what he’d done, Isaac shrugged, casually explaining how he pulled at the neck until the flesh broke apart, he didn’t need to use a knife. He remembered Ted rushing to a bush, hurling his guts up. Isaac felt instantly terrible for it, he didn’t mean to frighten him.

The more he enjoyed his new life, the more Isaac realised how much of his childhood had been robbed. It started off as a thought, but once the notion was unleashed, it planted seeds and bloomed into a plan. If he got everything precise, he’d finally be free of it. They’d given him the tools, he just had to dismantle it.

Tracking them down wasn’t hard. They’d scattered in the years of his confinement, living in separate cities and careers, as if the base never existed. It took time, he’d drive out on the weekends, tracking, sometimes walking around in his own skin and return home as Cameron. Each week, the knowledge of their whereabouts grew and one by one, he picked them off like flies. Isaac didn't know it would all come crashing down when he saw her, again. He didn’t know she was at the same school, or in the same year. Hiding in plain sight was surely the easiest way to get through this, right? But the fact she was here standing in front of him, the girl from the cabin all grown up, it was like a dagger to the heart.

He watched Susan McLachlan walk off with her lame stupid friends. He hated her blonde hair, those green eyes. She always had a nose in a book or in a newspaper. She didn’t say much, it was the others that yapped on.

What kind of fucking nickname is Stripe anyway? Isaac thought. Some ridiculous army tag. The type of soldier who brown noses their way up the ranks to get to the highest level. No wonder the monster called her that.

Isaac watched Stripe and her friends congregate by the lockers. After a while, they branched off leaving her alone. The rage in him was surging. His hand balled up by his side. I could do it right now. Tell her the truth, grab her pretty throat and break her fucking neck. Then he’d know what it was like to lose something he loved. If he does love her.

Isaac moved to his locker, well Cameron's locker and pretended that she was reaching for something.

“I like your jacket,” Stripe said.

What the hell? “Excuse me?” Isaac stopped, looking at her.

“I said, I like your jacket.”

She’s stupid as well as a bimbo blonde. Isaac peered down at his clothes, noticing he dressed better than her khakis and frilly jumper. “Thanks. Nice…pants.”

Isaac sensed her body freeze. Perfect. She’s scared of me. No, she’s scared of Cameron Storms. Remember that.

He didn't expect to be confronted. He deserved a medal for not ripping her head off in netball when she punched him over and over. He didn’t expect her to apologise either when they were scrubbing the gym floor in detention, it was a gesture of true vindication, something which took him by surprise. With her shade of eyes, he didn’t expect the mere glaze of it to exist in her gene pool.

He knew he was in danger when her voice wouldn't leave him alone, when they began to talk to each other like normal people, like friends. He knew he’d failed when he began to fantasise, fuelling his hand to scuttle into his boxer shorts, biting his fingers so his parents couldn't hear him crying out. Sometimes, he’d flee to his truck to rub one out on the back seat, imagining Stripe panting beneath him. He knew he was weak when he backed her up against the wall of his chevy, unable to hold back the dam of his passions.

Isaac didn’t know his affections were reciprocated until Stripe’s tongue plunged into his mouth, returning his kiss. This wasn't supposed to happen. She's meant to hate Cameron, she’s not meant to like me...

Their dance continued. In all honesty, he didn't want to cut the cord. He loved sitting in the movie theater with her, laughing at her poor gaming skills. She’d kick the Pac-Man machine with her foot and grow grumpy when the arcade cashier shouted at her to stop attacking the consoles. They swapped embarrassing stories in McDonalds and fooled around under the bleachers. He nearly let it slip once when she started to trifle on about not seeing her dad because he worked too much. She really was clueless to his antics, the truth wanted to burst from his chest but instead he rolled her onto the grass, mashing his mouth against hers, crushing his hand between her legs.

So he decided, Cameron could have Stripe McLachlan.

It wouldn’t last for long, not with his plan already in full swing.

He saw a strength in her when Cameron announced that their secret relationship was over after Christopher Maxwell’s shameful attack. He saw her beauty when he reported his departure for NYU. He saw her reflected in the face of Peter, the monster, when he broke into her house after senior prom. He’d planned it well. Stripe and her mom weren’t there.

“Isaac...” Peter whispered.

“You remember me,” he replied, sitting beside him.

“I can’t believe you're here. We thought you were dead. I've been trying to find you. For years.”

“I disappeared because of what you did to me.” Isaac