Whirlwind by Bailey Bradford (big ebook reader txt) 📗

here.” Jordan sat up and ran a finger over Stefan’s bottom lip. “I mean, you’re the guy I want to take my cherry, baby. That ought to tell you something.”

It ought to, but Stefan was kind of in a state of disbelief.

“I think you shocked him into silence.” Gideon sat up and began kissing the back of Stefan’s neck. “Not even a squeak out of him. I’m glad you’ve decided to give butt sex a chance from the other end of things before saying it isn’t for you.”

“I—” Stefan squeezed his eyes shut. The vision of him pushing his cock into Jordan’s hole made him whimper. He had to open his eyes up and grab the base of his cock. A hard grip kept him from coming. “I haven’t ever done that.”

“Oh, two virgins,” Gideon murmured. “That means I’ll get to direct.”

“He does love to watch,” Jordan added.

“Love to do, too,” Gideon said.

“I’ve been fucked before,” Stefan reminded them, fearing they’d forgotten and would think him a complete virgin. Both men turned expectant looks on him, with Gideon moving around to be able to see his face. “It hurt. Both times.”

“Twice only?” Gideon rasped. “How long ago?”

“A long time ago,” Stefan whispered. “Right before he killed me.” Stefan hung his head, ashamed of his past. His life.

“Wait,” Jordan snapped. “You’re saying the guy who you had sex with…killed you?”

Stefan nodded without raising his head all the way up. “Yeah. I was stupid. I just wanted someone to want me. It was just a game to him, then he didn’t want anyone to find out he’d ever played it.”

“What the fuck?” Gideon said, not quite yelling but with enough anger that it gave Stefan goosebumps. “He killed you to keep it a secret? Did he rape you?”

Stefan looked up then, just for a second. “No, no, I wanted him to…to want me. I just didn’t understand what that meant.”

Gideon narrowed his eyes and Stefan averted his gaze again.

“And how long have you been a spirit?” Jordan asked.

“I’m not sure exactly. Twelve years, ish, like I said before.”

“Were you raised in some kind of a religious compound where you didn’t know about sex or—”

“I was mentally retarded,” Stefan interrupted, not wanting to make them keep coming up with more and more ridiculous postulations.

The silence in the room was telling. Stefan slid out from between the two men. “My brain, something happened when I was being born. It was a physical thing, though, see? And when I died, the physical died too. All that was left was my spirit, what made me, me. But I get that I’m still—”

He stopped. He was still what? Stefan scowled. He wasn’t still limited by the physical. What he was limited by was his own memories and shame. Conner was right, of course. Stefan hadn’t had any choice in how he’d been born, but he couldn’t stop feeling like a complete fool for letting Johnny touch him.

“I was so pathetically desperate,” he whispered. That was what he couldn’t forgive himself for.

“Everyone wants to be loved.” Jordan came over and Gideon did, too. “We want to be loved, and we want to love and feel good. I don’t care how you were in your lifetime, Stefan. I like the man you are now.”

“Did you think that would make us not want you?” Gideon asked.

Stefan shrugged.

Gideon caressed Stefan’s cheek. “I think you’re an amazing man. I want to kill the guy who hurt you.”

Stefan flicked a hand. “Oh he’s dead. Someone killed him in prison, after he was convicted of killing me.” Stefan finally held his head up then, but he looked up at the ceiling, unable to meet his lovers’ eyes. “I was afraid he’d end up being a spirit, and finding me, but Conner… Conner said he took care of that. I don’t know how, and I don’t want to. Conner’s just Conner. He wouldn’t let me get hurt again.”

“Except we hurt you,” Jordan muttered. “I was embarrassed and scared because…”

Stefan had to look at him, just had to.

Jordan smiled shyly. “I didn’t think Gid wanted me to love him. We acted like friends, never touched each other until after, you know, we were killed. I—” He glanced at Gideon and gulped before going on. “Gideon’s the only man, other than you, that I’d let fuck me. I’ve thought about it, a lot.”

Gideon burned with a wantonness that was unmistakable. He didn’t move, though, just watched Jordan hungrily.

“I thought he’d think less of me,” Jordan continued. “Especially if I told him I wanted him to fuck me. I was stupid. Figured since Gideon didn’t let anyone top him, he’d think I was weak for wanting it, and even weaker for falling in love with him.” He held up a hand when Gideon opened his mouth. “I didn’t know you’d tried it several times and hated it.”

Gideon snapped his mouth shut and nodded.

Stefan frowned at him. Gideon didn’t like getting fucked? “Did it hurt a lot?”

Gideon paled. “No, I just didn’t like it. It didn’t feel good, and when the guys I tried it with rubbed against my prostate, I wanted to kick them off me. It just—I wished I liked it. I do.” He arched his eyebrows. “Do you think maybe, since it was a physical thing, I might like it now?”

Stefan felt flushed from his forehead to his toes. “Maybe?” he eked out. He thumbed in Jordan’s direction. “He can try. I’m scared I’ll screw it up and you already said you hated before so I don’t—” Oh God, he was babbling. Stefan bit his tongue too hard and yelped. “Oh thit,” he lisped, pressing his tongue against the roof of his mouth to stymie the pain.

“Bite your tongue?” Gideon asked, looking too smug for Stefan’s liking. Stefan turned his nose up at the man. “For what it’s worth, I think you’re sexy when you start getting nervous and ramble on.”

Stefan swallowed loudly as he fought back the urge to jump Gideon and fuck him, or