Simply Feminine � Surprising Insights from Men by Wonderly, Morgan (best e ink reader for manga .txt) 📗

Working Collaboratively in a Group

Assemble a group of women and use this book as a workbook. Discuss the ideas and implement the strategies for one chapter each week for ten weeks. Use the exploration questions as weekly assignments, and then discuss the outcomes at the next meeting.

Disclaimer

Some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

I am not a doctor or psychologist. I cannot guarantee that these concepts will help everyone. In some cases, a person may need to seek professional help.

The Trellis and the Vine

An Allegory to Illustrate Masculinity and Femininity

An old wooden trellis stood in a lovely but neglected garden. This strong, sturdy trellis felt sad and alone because he had not been in use for many years; no flowers or vines adorned his old, weathered frame. Thinking he had little purpose, he often wondered why he even existed.

One day a new gardener was hired. After seeing the barren trellis, the gardener carried over a lovely vine and asked the trellis if he would kindly supply the structure and direction needed for the vine to thrive. The trellis eagerly accepted the offer, delighted to at last have a beautiful vine to care for and support. Besides feeling purposeful, he also felt thrilled to be adorned with such beauty and softness caressing his framework. He longed to protect her so that she could flourish and shine in her radiant glory.

Over time, and with the trellis’ support, the vine grew more lush, confident, and beautiful by the day. She played freely and happily because she felt safe and secure in the trellis’ arms. She knew she could depend on his stability and strength. She loved entwining her bright leaves throughout his willing frame. He enjoyed feeling useful by supporting her, and he delighted in watching her play and grow. The two united into a perfect visual delight that people often stopped to admire.

Soon, couples asked to say their wedding vows beneath the beautiful shade of the trellis and the vine. Before long, several wedding celebrations happened under their united beauty every week, yet none of the wedded couples stopped to think about what created such beauty.

Without the vine, the trellis would have appeared boring, drab, and lifeless. Without the supportive trellis, the vine’s radiant beauty could not have been nurtured and showcased.

–Morgan Wonderly

The allegory of the trellis and the vine illustrates beautifully the gifts of pure masculinity and pure femininity. Note that none of us is purely masculine or feminine; however, keeping this story in mind will help you understand our more basic biological differences as you read through this book.

Part 1

Chapter 1

Whatever Happened to Femininity?

“Those of us who embrace the feminine know its strength.”

– Betsy Cornwell, author

My Story

As a little girl growing up, I was deeply in touch with my femininity. My favorite pastime was playing house with my dolls. Highly artistic, I envisioned creating a beautiful home. From an early age, my world revolved around my future family life. These dreams made me happy!

As I got older, my dreams further evolved to include marrying a loving man I could count on, having children with him, and living a fulfilling life in a lovely home of our own that included an art studio where I could paint.

By the time I was a young adult in the 70’s, the women’s liberation movement was in full swing, with all the enthusiasm that comes with a new, exciting trend rippling through the culture. In the midst of this era, I felt as if my life aspirations to be a wife and stay-at-home mother were suddenly being attacked. And when I shared my family life dreams with girlfriends, they would respond with statements like, “Be realistic, it’s a new era.” “Don’t count on marriage.” “You’d better think about starting a career.”

Upon hearing these messages, I felt the energy drain from my body as my dreams seemed to evaporate right before my eyes. From every direction I was inundated with suggestions that I should strive to be as independent and powerful as a man—in other words, to give up being the woman I wanted to be.

Thus, as the years went by, my girlhood desires became more and more a faded memory. Fearing judgment, criticism, and rejection, I conformed to what was expected of me by the changing culture. It seemed hopeless to fight for my feminine longings and dreams when I felt like I was the only female left who still dreamed of being a loving wife and mother more than being a corporate careerist.

As a result, I spent years being single and pursuing what was expected of me as a “liberated woman.” But, no matter the career path I tried (and I tried more than a few!), I ended up feeling disheartened. Despite my best efforts, I did not feel fulfilled in any of these task-oriented endeavors. I eventually found myself feeling uninterested and detached.

I even altered my look to project the appearance of greater power and competence. I worked hard to hide my softer feminine side by wearing masculine-styled clothing. Black slacks, black jackets, black vests, and black blazers dominated my wardrobe. Black! Black! Black! And more black! I believed that wearing colorful feminine dresses would make me look weak and less competent, so I avoided them.

In all the years of going against my nature, I could not quite shake the feeling I was living someone else’s life. My heart just wasn’t in the role I was playing. Trying to survive in a culture that no longer supported my feminine nature, I had become inauthentic. I had become numb. I was unaware of how far from my feminine essence path I’d deviated. In spite of my childhood dreams, I didn’t marry until I was in my forties, nor did I have any children of my own. Unfortunately, my marriage was short-lived; it only lasted five years. I realize now that my part in its demise was