bookssland.com Ā» Other Ā» Adventures of Huckleberry Finn - Mark Twain (free children's ebooks pdf .txt) šŸ“—

Book online Ā«Adventures of Huckleberry Finn - Mark Twain (free children's ebooks pdf .txt) šŸ“—Ā». Author Mark Twain



1 ... 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 ... 57
Go to page:
finally skipped off, and made his bow and danced off to the dressing-room, and everybody just a-howling with pleasure and astonishment.







c22-193.jpg (68K)




Then the ringmaster he see how he had been fooled, and he was the sickest ringmaster you ever see, I reckon.  Why, it was one of his own men!  He had got up that joke all out of his own head, and never let on to nobody. Well, I felt sheepish enough to be took in so, but I wouldnā€™t a been in that ringmasterā€™s place, not for a thousand dollars.  I donā€™t know; there may be bullier circuses than what that one was, but I never struck them yet. Anyways, it was plenty good enough for me; and wherever I run across it, it can have all of my custom every time.

Well, that night we had our show; but there warnā€™t only about twelve people thereā€”just enough to pay expenses.  And they laughed all the time, and that made the duke mad; and everybody left, anyway, before the show was over, but one boy which was asleep.  So the duke said these Arkansaw lunkheads couldnā€™t come up to Shakespeare; what they wanted was low comedyā€”and maybe something ruther worse than low comedy, he reckoned.  He said he could size their style.  So next morning he got some big sheets of wrapping paper and some black paint, and drawed off some handbills, and stuck them up all over the village.  The bills said:



c22-195.jpg (53K)








c23-196.jpg (167K)





CHAPTER XXIII.

WELL, all day him and the king was hard at it, rigging up a stage and a curtain and a row of candles for footlights; and that night the house was jam full of men in no time.  When the place couldnā€™t hold no more, the duke he quit tending door and went around the back way and come on to the stage and stood up before the curtain and made a little speech, and praised up this tragedy, and said it was the most thrillingest one that ever was; and so he went on a-bragging about the tragedy, and about Edmund Kean the Elder, which was to play the main principal part in it; and at last when heā€™d got everybodyā€™s expectations up high enough, he rolled up the curtain, and the next minute the king come a-prancing out on all fours, naked; and he was painted all over, ring-streaked-and-striped, all sorts of colors, as splendid as a rainbow.  Andā€”but never mind the rest of his outfit; it was just wild, but it was awful funny. The people most killed themselves laughing; and when the king got done capering and capered off behind the scenes, they roared and clapped and stormed and haw-hawed till he come back and done it over again, and after that they made him do it another time. Well, it would make a cow laugh to see the shines that old idiot cut.

Then the duke he lets the curtain down, and bows to the people, and says the great tragedy will be performed only two nights more, on accounts of pressing London engagements, where the seats is all sold already for it in Drury Lane; and then he makes them another bow, and says if he has succeeded in pleasing them and instructing them, he will be deeply obleeged if they will mention it to their friends and get them to come and see it.

Twenty people sings out:

ā€œWhat, is it over?  Is that all?ā€

The duke says yes.  Then there was a fine time.  Everybody sings out, ā€œSold!ā€ and rose up mad, and was a-going for that stage and them tragedians.  But a big, fine looking man jumps up on a bench and shouts:

ā€œHold on!  Just a word, gentlemen.ā€  They stopped to listen.  "We are soldā€”mighty badly sold.  But we donā€™t want to be the laughing stock of this whole town, I reckon, and never hear the last of this thing as long as we live.  No.  What we want is to go out of here quiet, and talk this show up, and sell the rest of the town!  Then weā€™ll all be in the same boat.  Ainā€™t that sensible?ā€ (ā€œYou bet it is!ā€”the jedge is right!ā€ everybody sings out.) ā€œAll right, thenā€”not a word about any sell.  Go along home, and advise everybody to come and see the tragedy.ā€

Next day you couldnā€™t hear nothing around that town but how splendid that show was.  House was jammed again that night, and we sold this crowd the same way.  When me and the king and the duke got home to the raft we all had a supper; and by and by, about midnight, they made Jim and me back her out and float her down the middle of the river, and fetch her in and hide her about two mile below town.

The third night the house was crammed againā€”and they warnā€™t new-comers this time, but people that was at the show the other two nights.  I stood by the duke at the door, and I see that every man that went in had his pockets bulging, or something muffled up under his coatā€”and I see it warnā€™t no perfumery, neither, not by a long sight.  I smelt sickly eggs by the barrel, and rotten cabbages, and such things; and if I know the signs of a dead cat being around, and I bet I do, there was sixty-four of them went in.  I shoved in there for a minute, but it was too various for me; I couldnā€™t stand it.  Well, when the place couldnā€™t hold no more people the duke he give a fellow a quarter and told him to tend door for him a minute, and then he started around for the stage door, I after him; but the minute we turned the corner and was in the dark he says:

ā€œWalk fast now till you get away from the houses, and then shin for the raft like the dickens was after you!ā€

I done it, and he done the same.  We struck the raft at the same time, and in less than two seconds we was gliding down stream, all dark and still, and edging towards the middle of the river, nobody saying a word. I reckoned the poor king was in for a gaudy time of it with the audience, but nothing of the sort; pretty soon he crawls out from under the wigwam, and says:

ā€œWell, howā€™d the old thing pan out this time, duke?ā€  He hadnā€™t been up-town at all.

We never showed a light till we was about ten mile below the village. Then we lit up and had a supper, and the king and the duke fairly laughed their bones loose over the way theyā€™d served them people.  The duke says:

ā€œGreenhorns, flatheads!  I knew the first house would keep mum and let the rest of the town get roped in; and I knew theyā€™d lay for us the third night, and consider it was their turn now.  Well, it is their turn, and Iā€™d give something to know how much theyā€™d take for it.  I would just like to know how theyā€™re putting in their opportunity.  They can turn it into a picnic if they want toā€”they brought plenty provisions.ā€

Them rapscallions took in four hundred and sixty-five dollars in that three nights.  I never see money hauled in by the wagon-load like that before.  By and by, when they was asleep and snoring, Jim says:







c23-198.jpg (49K)




ā€œDonā€™t it sā€™prise you de way dem kings carries on, Huck?ā€

ā€œNo,ā€ I says, ā€œit donā€™t.ā€

ā€œWhy donā€™t it, Huck?ā€

ā€œWell, it donā€™t, because itā€™s in the breed.  I reckon theyā€™re all alike.ā€

ā€œBut, Huck, dese kings oā€™ ourn is reglar rapscallions; datā€™s jist what dey is; deyā€™s reglar rapscallions.ā€

ā€œWell, thatā€™s what Iā€™m a-saying; all kings is mostly rapscallions, as fur as I can make out.ā€

ā€œIs dat so?ā€

ā€œYou read about them onceā€”youā€™ll see.  Look at Henry the Eight; this ā€™n ā€™s a Sunday-school Superintendent to him.  And look at Charles Second, and Louis Fourteen, and Louis Fifteen, and James Second, and Edward Second, and Richard Third, and forty more; besides all them Saxon heptarchies that used to rip around so in old times and raise Cain.  My, you ought to seen old Henry the Eight when he was in bloom.  He was a blossom.  He used to marry a new wife every day, and chop off her head next morning.  And he would do it just as indifferent as if he was ordering up eggs.  'Fetch up Nell Gwynn,ā€™ he says.  They fetch her up. Next morning, ā€˜Chop off her head!ā€™  And they chop it off.  'Fetch up Jane Shore,ā€™ he says; and up she comes, Next morning, ā€˜Chop off her headā€™ā€”and they chop it off.  'Ring up Fair Rosamun.ā€™  Fair Rosamun answers the bell.  Next morning, ā€˜Chop off her head.ā€™  And he made every one of them tell him a tale every night; and he kept that up till he had hogged a thousand and one tales that way, and then he put them all in a book, and called it Domesday Bookā€”which was a good name and stated the case.  You donā€™t know kings, Jim, but I know them; and this old rip of ourn is one of the cleanest Iā€™ve struck in history.  Well, Henry he takes a notion he wants to get up some trouble with this country. How does he go at itā€”give notice?ā€”give the country a show?  No.  All of a sudden he heaves all the tea in Boston Harbor overboard, and whacks out a declaration of independence, and dares them to come on.  That was his styleā€”he never give anybody a chance.  He had suspicions of his father, the Duke of Wellington.  Well, what did he do?  Ask him to show up?  Noā€”drownded him in a butt of mamsey, like a cat.  Sā€™pose people left money laying around where he wasā€”what did he do?  He collared it.  Sā€™pose he contracted to do a thing, and you paid him, and didnā€™t set down there and see that he done itā€”what did he do?  He always done the other thing. Sā€™pose he opened his mouthā€”what then?  If he didnā€™t shut it up powerful quick heā€™d lose a lie every time.  Thatā€™s the kind of a bug Henry was; and if weā€™d a had him along ā€™stead of our kings heā€™d a fooled that town a heap worse than ourn done.  I donā€™t say that ourn is lambs, because they ainā€™t, when you come right down to the cold facts; but they ainā€™t nothing to that old ram, anyway.  All I say is, kings is kings, and you got to make allowances.  Take them all around, theyā€™re a mighty ornery lot. Itā€™s the way theyā€™re raised.ā€







c23-200.jpg (54K)




ā€œBut dis one do smell so like de nation, Huck.ā€

ā€œWell, they all do, Jim.  We canā€™t help the way a king smells; history donā€™t tell no way.ā€

ā€œNow de duke, heā€™s a tolerble likely man in some ways.ā€

ā€œYes, a dukeā€™s different.  But not very different.  This oneā€™s a middling hard lot for a duke.  When heā€™s drunk there ainā€™t no near-sighted man could tell him from a king.ā€

ā€œWell, anyways, I doanā€™ hanker for no moā€™ un um, Huck.  Dese is all I kin stanā€™.ā€

ā€œItā€™s the way I feel, too, Jim.  But weā€™ve got them on our hands, and we got to remember what they are, and make allowances.  Sometimes I wish we could hear of a country thatā€™s out of kings.ā€

What was the use to tell Jim these warnā€™t real kings and dukes?  It wouldnā€™t a done no good; and, besides, it was just as I said:  you couldnā€™t tell them from the real kind.

I went to sleep, and Jim didnā€™t call me when it was my turn.  He often done that.  When I waked up just at daybreak he was sitting there with his head down betwixt his knees, moaning and mourning to himself.  I didnā€™t take notice nor let

1 ... 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 ... 57
Go to page:

Free e-book Ā«Adventures of Huckleberry Finn - Mark Twain (free children's ebooks pdf .txt) šŸ“—Ā» - read online now

Comments (0)

There are no comments yet. You can be the first!
Add a comment