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I pulled my leg up and reached around to touch a cheek. I pressed into some of the wounds and sucked in when the pain hit. Punish me please, Crucifix. I pressed again and felt the pain as my hand lay across my most unholy place.

This is the last chance I’ll ever have.

Touch me, Crucifix.

All the times I’d gone to him went across my mind’s eye. How hungry I’d been to feel him touch me one more time and use those big, rough hands to punish me. I love you, Crucifix. Feeling him inside me. Use your dirty words, bitch. Feeling his hard, thick cock pounding my pussy until I cried in pain.

My fingers were rubbing my clit and the other hand clawed into the lashes on my ass. Punish me for all I’ve done.

I could feel him going so deep that it hurt and made me jump away and how he’d always pull me back toward the pain. I need the penance. There’s none for you, sister. The meaty head of his cock thrusting and splitting me wide for his use. Use me, please. I’m his shameful slut and will be until my last breath. His hot flesh feels so good when it touches my skin and I can’t make myself stop wanting all of him—all over me—in the most sinful ways. What do you want all over you, bitch? Don’t use sterile words! I rubbed harder and faster. I want your cum. I want your sweat.

I love how he gets harder when he makes me cry and when he won’t even allow me that release. Stop crying, slut! You asked for this. Isn’t this what you wanted? Isn’t this why you came?

It’s why I went every time and when he was in control, I wanted to give him everything. When I was in the midst of a sinning orgasm, I would’ve said anything. I always meant it. I always backed out.

Please fuck me, Crucifix! I need you! I’ve always needed you and on my dying day I’m with you one last time.

With one hand, I pressed a couple of fingers into my ass and kept rubbing my clit. I remembered the first time he wouldn’t stop when he fucked me there. Say it! Now’s not the time to be virtuous, sister. How much I wanted to feel that pain for him and he made it all okay. Shut up, whore. Take my cock. This hole isn’t special. I should’ve taken it first. I cried while he did it., It hurt like hell, and then something snapped in my head. I started to buck back when I knew he wasn’t going to stop. He grabbed me hard and wouldn’t let me move. If you like it, you’re just as guilty as I am.

My fingers pumped hard enough to hurt. I wanted it to feel like he did. I rubbed faster and felt myself getting cloudy as the tingling started.

Punish me, Crucifix! Punish me with that incredible cock! Treat me like a filthy whore on the street. Quench this ungodly thirst!

I covered my head with the pillow and bit hard into the cotton case as the hand cupping my ass gripped tighter.

You don’t deserve my punishment. What makes you think you’re worthy to ask me for anything? Haven’t I done enough? The biggest penance for you is for me to walk away.

Oh, God, no! Please don’t leave me like this, Crucifix. Come back.

I’d managed to get another finger into my ass and the wounds were probably bleeding again. It’s not the same. The deep pulsing was starting and I imagined him walking away and tried to put it out of my mind.

Please don’t go. I need to feel you filling my dirty cunt like only you ever have.

The pulsing got harder and spread through my body. Each pulse was a spurt of cum from him and I started to crumble and shatter inside my soul. As tears started to rush out of my eyes under the pillow I knew they were mine, but they were all for him.

I screamed high and fast into the pillow and held it hard to my face. Why? You stupid, bitch! Why couldn’t you just leave for him? I screeched, and rolled around, clutching the pillow to my stomach. You can come for him over and over. I grabbed my unholy pussy and squeezed tight while shaking uncontrollably in a fetal position. Why the fuck didn’t you ever leave for him? One foot in front of the other was all it would’ve taken.

He left me behind to save me. He never stopped loving me.

I played that night over in my head. How broken my heart was when he brushed me away so harshly. How could I know he was saving me? My breath couldn’t make it past the tears and I probably didn’t deserve that either. I was going to pay with my life, but in that moment, it wasn’t soon enough. I’d spent most of my life causing him pain.

You just did what you always do! Your lust and selfishness has been killing him slowly and now you’re going to die because of it. The vows you think you still have are just a crutch made of guilt.

How stupid can I be?

I deserve to die.

He’d already protected me from shame and the pathetic existence I would’ve had if I’d been kicked out on the street. Like him. The time I’d spent mourning, angry, and praying to forgive and forget him when he was saving me was a waste. I dove deeper into the church—the only other safe place I knew. All the sins he continued to punish me for paled in comparison to the real sin of giving him hope and taking it away so many times. If I hadn’t been so weak, selfish, and lustful he might’ve

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