Crucifixed (Royal Bastards MC: NYC Book 2) by B.B. Blaque (interesting books to read for teens txt) š
- Author: B.B. Blaque
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Why, God? Why have you let me be so stupid and hateful?
It wasnāt God . . . it was all you and your self-serving shit!
My death will set him free. Itāll be the only thing I can ever give him thatās selfless. Iāve betrayed him and God too many times just for my wanton desires. How could I be so horrible? I lured him into that confessional. I knew exactly what I was doing, even if I didnāt understand the magnitude or ramifications of it. Just like always, I wanted him to fuck my brains out and let me off the fuckinā hook. See, Crucifix, Iām using my words. There is almost nothing worse I couldāve done to him. I didnāt want to lose him to all the others he was having sex with, even though he was untouchable to me. We were something that shouldāve never happened and itās all my fault!. My jealousy over someone taking my beautiful Gio from me was too much. What if I wouldāve lost him? I lost him anyway until I found him again. A silly childish flirtation brought me here. Fuck me, it brought him. I donāt count anymore.
My last prayers need to be for him and I must take the biggest penance of allādeath. I got up to get my brush and sat back on the bed. With the hard bristles rubbing across all the lashes, I started to pray from the deepest part of my heart.
Father, God . . . I know Iāve become worthless and until this moment of enlightenment, I didnāt realize what an absolutely evil person Iāve been. Please help me face death with a calm heart because I know dying is what I deserve. It will give Gio freedom from the torment heās suffered for too long. The cross is not his to bear. All his bad acts come back to my transgression that day. I wonāt ask forgiveness, because I am beyond redemption or any leniency. I will gladly trade my black soul for his salvation. Angel of MercyāMichaelāplease take me so that he can start to live. Please, I ask you all to hear my prayers and help make it right. Amen.
14
Sold My Soul
When it was time to leave, I grabbed my kit. I hadnāt used it on anyone in a long time, and no one ever deserved it as much as those fucks. It wasnāt like the one priests usually carry when they visit patients hospitals to administer last rites. My holy water was anything butāa mixture of piss, water, and rubbinā alcohol, not a damn thing holy about it. I didnāt have communion wafers, but I did have some half-dollars to shove in their mouths so they could try to pay their way outta Hell. Fat chance of that.
I shoved the flask with the water into my vest pocket, along with the coins and a few other things. Then I slipped my rosary beads around my neck, even though I knew itās not where they belonged. The priests from that parish gave them to me, and it was only fair I have them present when they died.
I rode up to the Bronx to meet everyone at Fordham University. No one needed to know our business, and none of them would even think of us at a prestigious college like that. We were headed up toward West Point, to Rosethorne. Before the night was done, Iād have Fi where she belonged even if it was kickinā and screaminā. Sheād suck it up eventually.
Before anyone got there, I sat on the bike, pulled the beads off my neck, and decided to talk to God. Itād been awhile since Iād done it officially, but it seemed like a good time to say a prayer.
God . . . I know Iāve been an asshole, but I think you know my story, even though we had a pretty big fallinā out. Needless to say, Iām not the guy I was supposed to be, but I could be worse. Iāve got a list of sins I canāt even begin to count . . . you probably know those too. Iām not tryinā to ask forgiveness here. We both know thatās outta the question. I sold my soul for her safety a long time ago . . . you werenāt there for me in my time of need and I turned out okay. All Iām askinā is that you help me get through this night and keep her safe. Sheās all messed up, but we both sorta started behind the eight ball without much hope. Give her a break, God. I can, and sheās been nothinā but a pain in my ass and donāt even get me goinā on what sheās done to my heart. This aināt about me, and thatās cool. I donāt ask for much, but this is a big one. Make sure she gets out okay. If I die in the process, so be it. Iām good with it. No hard feelinās. Amen.
I only had a couple of minutes to wait before I heard bikes ridinā up. It was Blitz and FOCUS. Casket and Hazard werenāt too far behind in a cage. We didnāt even get off the bikes before takinā the hour ride north toward West Point. When we rolled up on Rosethorne, it was almost what Iād imagined it to beāmassive, with brown stone walls and lots of trees. Big columns stood out front and there were windows that seemed to go on for days. It had a huge gate around it and the grass was the greenest Iād ever seen. Just like everything about Bish, it was
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