Forgive Me by Kateri Stanley (love letters to the dead txt) 📗

he balanced all of his weight on the palms of his hands

When his parents called, he tried to act busy and perky. As they chatted, he had another idea. “Mom, do you remember a letter I had from high school?”

“You had a lot of letters, darling. Be more specific.”

“It was from a girl, I think. After senior year had finished.”

“The one from that Susan girl, the one who hit you?”

“Yeah, that one.”

“Yes, I do. Why are you asking?”

“Did you leave it here?”

“Yeah, I did. I left it in the garage with a bunch of your other things from when you were younger. Should be in a box somewhere.”

“Great, I gotta go. Got another call. Love you.” He hung up and began to search the shelves of boxes and plucked the letter from layers of papers.

He heard sounds from the bedroom and rushed out of the garage, clutching the letter. Stripe didn't flinch when he burst through the door. “Are you okay?”

Stripe was perched on the edge of the bed, her chain curving around her leg like she was an exhibit at a museum. She held the remote firmly, studying the images from his past. Her eyes were red and dry from crying.

“I have something for you,” Isaac announced, tipping the letter towards her. “Something to prove I’m not lying about who I am.”

Stripe paused the video, snatching the letter from his fingers, reading it hastily. He noted the quiet shock on her face. Isaac stood, watching her mouth move in silence, he wondered if she’d memorised the words.

“What do I call you?” she asked softly, her focus didn't leave the paper.

“I...don't understand.”

“Do I call you Isaac or Cameron?”

“I prefer Isaac. It's my real name. But you can call me Cameron if it’ll make things easier for you. It won't offend me.”

She peered up from reading, their eyes meeting. “I shouldn't fucking think it would.”

“Why were you watching the tape again?”

“You fucking showed it to me and changed everything.”

“I wished I hadn't.”

Stripe sighed with sarcasm. “Well, it’s a bit too fucking late for that now isn’t it.”

“I hope you enjoyed your food.”

“You make good soup,” she said plainly.

A smile grew and died on his lips.

“How did you become Isaac Payne?”

“What do you mean?”

“You were Cameron Storms in school and then you turn into Isaac Payne. How did you do it? You can’t transform into someone else overnight.”

Actually, you can. Isaac hesitated. “Is it okay if I sit?”

“Sure.”

Isaac sat on the corner of the bed, pulling his legs up underneath him. “I’ve always been Isaac Payne. Cameron Storms however was just a costume to hide in.”

“Like a camouflage, as you said.”

“Yes. If I was being tracked, they were looking for a boy, not a girl.”

“And these people tracking you, my dad had something to do with it?”

She doesn’t believe me, even with photographic evidence and proof written in her own hands. “Peter was in charge.”

“In charge of what?”

“A scientific experiment.”

“On you?”

“Yes.”

Isaac watched the information sink in. Is she understanding me? He didn’t want to push her and suffer another potential strangulation. “I became myself again before I started at NYU. I told my soon-to-be tutors during the summer that I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin. I needed to be…me.”

“So Cameron transitioned into a man?”

“Yes, and it worked. Before I headed up to New York, I cut my hair, I wore men’s clothes, I let my facial hair grow, got rid of any fragments of Cameron. I started speaking normally, with my own voice. Due to teacher confidentiality, they couldn’t say anything. Cameron Storms never went to NYU. After high school, she disappeared.”

“So you scammed everyone?” Stripe frowned tiredly. “Aren’t you afraid you might be exposed?”

“No, I kept a distance from anyone who knew me as Cameron. I made her mean for a reason. She had friends in school but she’s not the type to stay in touch. If they searched for her on Facebook for example, she doesn’t show up. She doesn’t exist anymore. Now you know why I didn’t respond to your letter.”

She began to laugh. At him. “You really haven’t thought this through have you. You don’t think I might expose you?”

He didn’t respond, he didn’t know how to. He didn’t agree with the light she was bathing him in, he wasn’t conning people. I was hiding from monsters.

A gratifying smile grew on Stripe’s mouth. “I knew something was off. I’d seen your mom before, I knew your face, even your voice. I’d heard it all before. You’ve blown this article way out of the water with this, the tape, the chain, drugging my fucking coffee. You’re finished. Your career, your life is over, Isaac. You should’ve stayed away from me.”

She’s trying to frighten me, it’s not working. She wants to make me angry so I’ll hit her. There’s so much she doesn’t know. The video tape is only the beginning. “Maybe, can I ask you something about Peter?”

Stripe’s smile faded.

“Do you know what he did for a living?”

“He worked in a laboratory. He wore a lot of white coats. Sometimes, he’d be gone for days. Okay?”

“You don’t seem so certain…” As if she doesn’t know what her old man got up to. I’m not surprised.

“He didn’t do anything sinister. The guy on the tape is not Peter McLachlan.”

“I’m sorry, Stripe. But it is. I know all of this is hard to take in right now and I wish I could make you feel better. But, you didn’t know him, at all.”

“That’s not true,” Stripe whispered, a tear fell down her cheek.

“I wish things had been different.” He wanted to wipe it from her skin. Stripe sounded disappointed, as if her past and the memory of Cameron Storms had shattered right in front of her. It had, and Isaac was sorry for this.

“Are you going to hurt me?” Stripe asked, her voice breaking.

“No,” Isaac replied. “I’d never harm you.”

“This chain’s hurting. My foot’s going numb.”

Isaac nodded, trying and failing to keep his nerves at bay. “If