The Lying, the Witch, and the Werewolf (Down & Dirty Supernatural Cleaning Services Book 4) by Kate Quinn (uplifting books for women .txt) 📗

down my spine, the one not related to the cult at all. Growing old and wandering alone around an ancient house might be exactly what my own future holds.

Kama smiles broadly, then tilts her head, as if listening for something. “Yes, I hear you...” She looks around her as if confused and then at last focuses on the door. “Oh dear, Adorra, would you mind…” Vaguely she gestures, but Adorra seems to understand and hurries over to pull open both double doors and lock them in place. Once the entrance to the dining hall is wide open, Adorra falls to her knees once more. Kama does as well and then, reaching over, tugs at the hem of my skirt.

“Dear, Hairy Underwood is entering the room now,” she says as if this should mean something to me. I get that I’m supposed to get down on the floor with them, which I’m not really into, but even the naked guy on the phone is on all fours in the hallway, so...

The floor is sticky beneath my knees, leaving me unimpressed with whoever had dining hall cleanup last time. There will be satisfaction in giving it a good scrubbing tonight after dinner.

“He is here,” Kama breathes.

A litter carried by four shirtless and well-muscled men enters the room, knocking all thoughts of cleaning out of my head. They’re wearing cut-off jeans showing off legs that I would gladly do some squirming against later. Just as I’m wondering exactly who has the honor of being carried around on the cushioned platform held aloft by these bronzed pecs and oiled shoulders, they carefully lower the palanquin to the floor.

I strain my neck to look while still prostrate. A mangy old Dalmanther stares back at me glassy eyed. There’s something unnerving about his steady gaze and the way he sits so still; I could swear he was dead.

It takes me a second to realize that is exactly what he is.

Dead and stuffed.

15

I choke back a hysterical bubble of laughter as I realize that we are all on the ground bowing to a taxidermied Dalmanther. I try to quiet my giggles by placing my forehead on my hands, my nose almost to the floor. Hopefully I look like I’m being reverent.

My knees are starting to hurt so I peek up and find that everyone else has gotten back to their feet and I’m the only one still kneeling.

“Sorry,” I say, clambering back to my feet. “I just got, uh, lost in the moment.”

“Of course, dear,” Kama trills. She looks in my general direction, her eyes unfocused. “It happens to me all the time.” Yep, I definitely believe that. “But you have pleased Hairy with your piety. He says you may address and approach him.”

Adorra gives a sharp exhalation of surprise and leans over to me, “A rare honor,” she softly informs me.

Great. First day in the sex cult and the only thing I get to touch is a taxidermied dog. I should put that on a t-shirt.

I approach Hairy the same way I would any unknown Dalmanther—carefully. Although in this case I’m not concerned about him attacking me, but rather buying time. How am I supposed to address a long-deceased Dalmanther?! All eyes are on me so I try to not mess it up.

Once in front of him, I can see the fur on the top of Hairy’s poor head has been nearly rubbed away. He also has a rather strong musty odor. Despite all the pomp it feels like a sad afterlife for such a strong and powerful animal. I hate to think of the day when Shit will no longer be with me, but when it happens I’d never do this to him. A better way to honor him would be a Viking funeral, letting him go out the same way he lived—in a blaze of destructive glory. Maybe I’ll let him take my Thunderstick with him into the afterlife as a chew toy.

Crouching on my haunches, I stare into Hairy’s blank eyes. Pretending he’s any other wild animal, I hold out my hand. “Can you smell my pet, Shit? I bet you can.” Slowly I reach out and stroke one of his ears, instead of the silk of Shit’s fur, poor Hairy’s is brittle with age. “Good boy,” I croon to him softly, my heart breaking a little bit for the poor guy. “You’re a good boy, Hairy.”

That’s about all I can take of that, so I stand and return to my place beside Adorra. She eyes me in a way that I can’t tell means she approves or if I just messed up royally. But that question is quickly answered when Kama throws her arms around me and then licks my face, starting at my jaw and then all my way up to my eyeballs.

“That’s from Hairy,” she informs me breathlessly. “He likes you. And this…” Kama reaches into her pocket and pulls out a candy bar that she presses into my hand. “This is for you. Find some friends tonight and have a good time.”

I look down at the bar in my hand. It’s the size and shape of Hershey bar, but instead of the mass produced shiny brown wrapper, it looks more bespoke. I turn the bar around; it says Darkest Desires Chocolate: Made with Humans!

“Thank you...is this made out of humans?” I ask, hoping that this place isn’t secretly cannibalistic.

“Well, there are some secret ingredients,” Kama says. Lowering her voice to a rather shouty sort of whisper, she adds, “Shhh, don’t tell.”

“I...won’t,” I promise, looking down at the bar and wondering if cannibalism might be Together We Come’s dirty little secret. Could this be where Vicky disappeared to?

“It’s just a chocolate bar,” Adorra says, her voice tight.

“Oh yes, that too,” Kama easily agrees. “It’s lovely. Really gets the jingles jangling!” Kama adds, performing a bizarre little jig.

Adorra is suddenly at my side and snatches the candy from my hand. “Kama Sutra,” she hisses. “That’s a lovely gesture but Paige