The Lying, the Witch, and the Werewolf (Down & Dirty Supernatural Cleaning Services Book 4) by Kate Quinn (uplifting books for women .txt) 📗

“Is that right?” Kama replies. She blinks at me and then Adorra, clearly confused. “We haven’t fucked?” she asks.

“No, we haven’t. I’m not into…” I try to think of a polite way to tell her she looks homeless but can’t. So I pivot, “And why is that chocolate bar important—?”

“It isn’t,” Adorra cuts me off. “Chocolate is an aphrodisiac. The label is a misprint.”

I try to get more out of Kama, but she is occupied with her stuffed Dalmanther, tilting her head like she’s listening to him. Finally, she nods. “Thank you, Hairy. I’d forgotten about the plan. My goodness…” She reaches up and scratches at her head, dislodging a branch so that it hangs down her back. “Perhaps you’re right and we should have a little siesta before dinner. You always know the right thing to do, Hairy, my darling.”

With that Kama drifts toward the door and the shirtless men silently lift Harry’s litter and follow after her. I can’t help but stare at their retreating bums. I tug at my skirt. Also, if those boys can wear short shorts I’m going to change into my preferred dress uniform, daisy dukes and a halter top.

As Kama drifts through the phone line crowd on her way to the stairs, she calls out, “Who wants to join me and Hairy for an afternoon siesta?” Several people who’d been waiting on the phone leave their place in line to follow Kama up to her room. I wonder if any of them realize siesta is Spanish for nap, not afternoon sex orgy.

It doesn’t help when they all cheer out in unison, “Where comes one, so come we all!”

The good feeling I had earlier is quickly evaporating. Vicky is nowhere to be seen and Adorra had smacked that chocolate out of my hand like I was a baby holding a butane torch. And I most definitely heard Kama tell her dead Dalmanther that she’d forgotten about the plan. Any commune with a plan, missing members, and secret chocolate distribution is getting a stink-eye from Paige Harper.

“What plan?” I ask Adorra. “I’d love to help. I have great organizational skills. Can I add that to the board somewhere?”

Something flickers across her face that I can’t quite read and then her usual serene smile takes its place. “It’s a special undertaking for our full-fledged members. We don’t mention it to the trial members. We want them joining for the right reasons; because they share our mindset. When you become part of Together We Come it’s because you believe in the entire experience and community.”

It’s a good answer and it makes sense. But I’m almost positive it’s bullshit.

I don’t see any reason to let Adorra know that I’m suspicious. So I just smile and say, “When’s dinner? I’m starving. And I’m going to need some protein to burn!”

I have free time before dinner so I head back to my yurt. I have to skirt around a game of naked volleyball and a circle jerk under a lovely grove of trees.

Inside, I grab out my magical walkie talkie toothbrush and give it a shake. Sitting on the cot, I put the handle end of the toothbrush to my mouth and whisper, “Nico!”

There’s a second where I feel like a total idiot, sitting there with a toothbrush to my face but finally Nico responds. His voice is really low, though, and not in his usually growly sex-inferring way.

“I can’t hear you. There must be terrible reception here,” I tell him before realizing what a stupid thing that is to say. It’s not a cell phone. It’s a magical item.

When Nico’s voice returns he’s shouting so I can just make out him saying, “You’re holding it upside down, Paige.”

I sigh. I’m never going to hear the end of this. I flip the toothbrush over so the bristles are at my mouth. “What was that?”

“You’ve found which way is up,” he says, his amused voice grating on my every nerve. “That’ll come in useful in a sex cult.”

“You’re coming through now,” I tell him. “Loud and clear and loutish. Must have been interference with the...ley lines...whatever. Hey, has Shauna run my business into the ground yet?”

“You’ve been gone four hours,” he tells me. “Even Shauna can’t manage that. How are things there?”

“No sign of Vicky Bennet yet. This place seems fine on the surface, but something is definitely up. Hey, do you know a seer named Cassie?”

“Cassie is there?” his voice spikes upward with excitement and I feel a brief twinge in my gut. I’d swear it’s jealousy, but of course it can’t be. I won’t allow it to be. “Cassie is too good for this world,” Nico goes on. “We spent a few months together in a monster prison.”

“You went to prison?” I ask, although it’s not that surprising. “Wait, Cassie went to prison?”

“Not really, it was more of a dungeon. She’s kind of traumatized by that, so maybe don’t bring it up?”

“How can I not, now?” I ask. “She said she has some stories about you too.”

“What makes you think something is rotten there?” Nico asks, changing the subject, something which I most definitely note and will be grilling Cassie over at a later point.

“Vicky isn’t on the chore chart.”

“That sounds...really suspicious,” Nico tells me. “Is that all?”

“Honestly, no!” I say. I start to pace the tiny tent. “It’s just figuring out what is sexy weird and what is shady weird.”

“Did anything else alarm you besides a chore chart?”

“Well, the leader tried to give me chocolate but then the witch lady snatched it back…” As I talk I realize how stupid I sound.

“Okay, just to, you know, make sure I’m getting this right...someone took away your chocolate and you’re upset?”

“I just...no. You don’t get it. Something strange is happening here and…”

It’s just then that Shit decides to rush into the yurt with all five of his new Dalmanther friends. He jumps up on the cot, gives my face a big proud lick, and