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guessed a moment had presented itself. It was hard to gauge who the victor was. Neither looked particularly satisfied.

“Raffe! Dios mio, you’re awake.” Santana ran over and sat on the bed. She dropped kisses on my face, prompting Slinky to join in with reptilian licks.

“I’m sorry I scared you,” I said, kissing her back.

She clutched my face in her hands and pressed her forehead to mine. “You didn’t scare me. Kadar scared me. But you’re okay, and awake, and that’s all that matters.”

“I couldn’t control him. He took over, and I… vanished.” I kissed her again, more passionately. When I was near her, that was all I wanted to do. My weakness, my reason, my love. A magnetic pull I couldn’t resist, despite knowing our relationship had a shelf life.

Finch coughed. “If you could keep the romantics to a minimum? I don’t want to end up spewing on Krieger’s polished floors.”

“Don’t mind my floors. They’ve seen worse. And a kiss is often the best medicine,” Krieger chided.

Finch groaned and sat down on the opposite bed. “What do you remember about tonight?”

“All of it,” I replied. “They’re Kadar’s memories, but I have access to them.”

“I bet that’s a barrel of laughs.” He shook his head.

I smiled. “It would be worse if I didn’t know what happened during Kadar’s outbursts. Thank you for saving me, by the way. I owe you.”

“So you weren’t up for offing yourself?” he asked, serious and curious.

“Not at all. If I’d known what he’d planned, I would’ve fought harder for control.”

Finch ran an anxious hand through his hair. “Is it just Kadar dealing with that unbearable pain, then? Or do you experience it, too?”

“I feel the aftereffects, not the pain itself. I ache after an outburst, and I tire quickly, but when I try to sleep, I can’t. It’s like a migraine, where you know you have to rest, but the pain keeps you from falling asleep. Only, I don’t feel the actual pain. I just sense Kadar dealing with it, and it keeps me awake.” I hoped that made sense. The situation was difficult to explain to someone with no idea what it was like to share a body.

“Kadar mentioned, pre-jump, that only Erebus or death could end the pain. And he said Erebus wasn’t listening anymore. Has he said anything like that to you? Can you access his thoughts on that kind of thing?” Finch leaned forward.

I wracked my brain. “He isn’t connected to the djinn mainframe, but he has mentioned that he can’t feel anything anymore. I thought he meant he felt numb, but that doesn’t make sense, given how many nights he’s been up, howling in agony.”

“Interesting,” Finch said softly.

“Do you know something about it?” He seemed overly inquisitive for someone with just a casual concern for my wellbeing.

He shook his head. “Not exactly, no. But I’ll help however I can, to get to the bottom of it.”

Santana twisted to shoot him a scowl. “Bullcrap. You know something. You said you wanted to speak to Raffe, and that if you didn’t speak to him, something bad might happen—you had a specific reason for that, I know you did. You saved him, and I’m grateful, like I said, but there’s something off here. So start talking.”

“I just want to help,” Finch fired back.

“There’s more to it. Why won’t you tell us?” Santana urged angrily. “Would it kill you to be honest with us, for once?”

He gave a bitter smile. “It might not kill me.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I felt Santana tense in my arms. She was ready to lunge at Finch. I tightened my arms around her.

“Both of you, stop,” I said. “You’re arguing like little kids. I heard you from in here. It’s bad enough dealing with a suicidal djinn without wrangling the two of you.”

“You heard us?” Finch’s entire demeanor altered, and his voice sounded strangled.

“I heard Santana and figured you were arguing.” I looked back at my love. “If he’s here to help, then let him help. If he has any other reason on top of that, it’s his business. If it affected us, he’d tell us. Just leave it, okay? For the sake of my sanity.”

Finch opened his mouth, but the doors of the infirmary burst wide open, silencing him. Two security magicals carried a limp figure between them. One with a face I recognized like my own.

“Father?” I gasped.

Krieger rushed over, gesturing for the security personnel to lay my father in the next bed.

“Is he okay?” I craned my neck for a better look. He appeared to be out cold, and I saw dark purple circles beneath his eyes. His skin had taken on a waxy sheen, and he was visibly exhausted. “Father? Father, can you hear me?”

He lay still, his eyes closed. I tried to get up, but Santana pushed me down.

Krieger gathered a tray of vials. “I will do what I can. It may be the same condition you’ve been suffering.”

“What?” I murmured, my heart pounding. If anything happened to my father, I didn’t know what I would do. We may not have the best example of a father-son bond, but our relationship had improved this past year. We’d started having dinner together—voluntarily. Albeit, not recently. My father had been keeping to himself of late, and now I understood why. He hadn’t wanted me to see him like this.

“I’ll let you know what I find as soon as I’ve evaluated him,” Krieger promised, getting to work.

Santana sat back and gazed into my eyes, panicked. “What the actual heck is going on?”

“I don’t know, my ciela,” I replied.

Santana rocked slightly. “Someone has to know something. If this happened to Levi, too, it’s not some random sickness—it’s a pattern.” Her face scrunched. “You and Kadar are calm now, sure, but how long until this thing breaks you? Kadar said it himself: he can’t bear it anymore. What if nobody saves you next time?”

“He’s asleep now. I’ve got the reins.” I tried to comfort her, but

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