Toe to Toe (On Pointe Book 1) by Penelope Freed (comprehension books txt) 📗

the Kitri variation, since that’s all about being vivacious, flirty and full of sass. The explosive jumps, lightning fast footwork and bravoura quality of Kitri are exactly what I want to dance right now. I want to stab the floor with my pointe shoes and let the flash of fire I can feel in my heart explode out of me.

Every time I think about Olivia and Tyler together heat flares across my skin. My shoulders tense when I recall the sight of them in his car, the way he cupped her cheek with one hand so tenderly, like she was precious. How my heart shattered when I heard Olivia say, “That’s Hannah. In case you forgot,” as I walked away, reminding me just how forgettable I am to Tyler. When I think about how Olivia ditched me backstage to go see him, I want to stomp my feet and shout how unfair it is.

“Hannah?” Lisa’s question interrupts my angry thoughts. “Um…you okay?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I mumble. I roll my head in a circle, trying to release the tension in my neck. “You good?” I ask, trying to push my feelings aside.

“I think so. Are you staying here or going back to the dressing room?” The stage is starting to empty, only a few stragglers left desperately practicing, chatting to each other or eyeing the competition and aggressively practicing a flashy step. I ignore them.

“I’m number four this time so I’m definitely staying here.” I respond, pulling my earbuds out of my pocket and finding my variation music on my phone. “You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to,” I tell Lisa, my voice a little sharp. Her face drops for a second, like she’s hurt. “Do whatever you need to, Lisa,” I say, hoping to smooth things over. She hovers for a few more seconds as I put my earbuds in, then walks off to talk to Ms. Parker.

I let the delicate violin notes of my music wash over me, my eyes unfocused, as I visualize my solo, making small arm movements as I go through it. I try to imagine myself doing each section smoothly, gracefully, like a princess on her wedding day. I imagine dancing for my parents, who are smiling lovingly at me, for my imaginary prince who very specifically does not look like Tyler today, I imagine my arms sweeping through the air, my legs reaching and pushing me through the dance. Just as I get to the last notes, the lights backstage dim, our signal to clear the stage. I trot across the stage to join Lisa and Ms. Parker for a last minute pep talk before they make the teachers leave the backstage area as well.

“You feel ready, Hannah?” she asks, running her eyes over me to check I don’t have anything out of place. Nodding her approval, she turns to Lisa and looks her over. “You feeling ready, Lisa?”

“Yeah.’’ Lisa fidgets a little glancing around backstage. “I’m nervous though. I wish you could stay backstage.”

“Sorry, sweetie, you know the rules. But you have Hannah, you girls look out for each other, okay?” Ms. Parker eyes me meaningfully. My residual anger and upset at Oliva is starting to turn to annoyance. I just want to do well this weekend, why can’t everyone just let me do what I need to do? “Hannah,” Ms. Parker gets my attention with a little tap on the shoulder. “I know you’re up first, but you have quite a while after your first variation to change and get ready for Kitri. I know Lisa will stay with you until your Aurora variation is finished.” She waits for Lisa to nod her agreement before continuing. “Since her’s is just a couple after yours I want you to stay with her until she’s done, then you can go get ready for Kitri.” She pauses and stares me down a little. I feel like a bug under a microscope and a little niggling feeling of guilt creeps into my brain. Wasn’t I going to stay and support my friend? I mean, I guess if I’d thought about it I would have said of course, I just hadn’t been thinking about Lisa at all. I was so wrapped up in my own feelings, I hadn’t even thought about my friend. I drop my eyes to the ground and nod. “You’re my girls, I need you to stick together and look out for each other since I can’t be here.”

I fight the urge to tell Ms. Parker how Olivia ditched me backstage earlier to go hang out with her boyfriend. I sigh to myself because there’s no point, really. I’ll feel vindicated if Olivia gets in trouble with Ms. Parker, but I didn’t even notice she was gone until after I finished dancing. I know that’s not really why I’m mad. If I get Olivia in trouble, it will only make tonight and tomorrow even worse, she’s still sharing a room with my mom and me tonight, and we have to dance together all day tomorrow. It’s not worth it.

Ms. Parker pulls us both in for an awkward hug, tutus poking out and getting in the way, kisses us each on the head and gives us one more squeeze. “Have fun, dance big and bold and with joy. I’m so proud of you both.” We hug her back before she heads off to sit in the audience.

“You okay?” I ask Lisa. She’s busy looking around at all the other dancers hanging out backstage. There’s a girl in a blue tutu standing in the wings swinging her arms up and down chatting with the guy I recognize from earlier and from yesterday’s class. He was the guy in the blue shirt, the one Lisa and Katy said was one of the few people that Jean-Paul Phillppe corrected. Was that terrible class only yesterday? It feels like a lifetime ago. “Hey,” I tug on her hand, forcing her to look