Hooking Up : Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus by Kathleen Bogle (e book reader android txt) 📗

example, if a student wants to hook up often with a variety of different people, she or he may feel entitled to do this because “everybody’s doing it.” Thus, some students may view themselves as merely taking part in what typical college students do (i.e., “if others are doing __________, then I can too”).

The problem is that their perception of what is typical is often not accurate.

When examining the impact of perceptions on students’ behavior, one should not underestimate the power of an individual’s clique. For example, students who were involved in the extremes of the campus hookup culture tended to be surrounded by others who were also very sexually active. These students, who were often involved in fraternity/

sorority life, generally hooked up more often than other students. Their perceptions of classmates were influenced by their circle of friends.

These men and women perceived other students to be extremely sexually active, which, on any given night, might include engaging in indis-criminate sexual encounters. Stephen, a 27-year-old alumnus of State University, described an incident that occurred when he was a college fraternity member.

KB: So you would not necessarily talk to people about your hookups?

Stephen: No, I do. We do. Guys bullshit and talk. Guys are more fla-grant when they talk about hooking up [than girls are].

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KB: Graphic?

Stephen: Yeah. They are more graphic. They get into great detail.

[Laughs] It is funny I am just thinking back to funny stories.

KB: Tell me one.

Stephen: Oh God. I’ll tell you this story. . . . It was finals week my junior year and I was done finals on a Wednesday. So I had Wednesday, Thursday, Friday with nothing to do. Everyone else is still taking finals. So I went out for some drinks. We went to this [bar nearby]. I knew the bartender so he started giving me shots. I was with one of my friends. There were these two girls there and the bartender started feeding her shots and next thing you know I started talking to her. The bar wasn’t crowded at all. Next thing you know we are back at my frat house, she’s like, she can’t even walk, she is really messed up. So, we start hooking up, nothing major. She’s coherent, she knows what is going on, but she is really drunk.

So we are hooking up and we are sleeping together and she gets sick on me. She’s on top of me and throws up on me. So I had a water bed, I think that is why she got sick. I push her aside and run out to my living room, I am covered in throw-up and I’m like: “Somebody has got to help me.” There were two guys out there watching TV. I’m like: “One of you guys has to help me.” First of all, the girl she doesn’t look good and I’m covered in puke and my room is covered with throw-up. So my one friend he runs back there.

KB: And you are naked, out in the frat house?

Stephen: Yeah I am naked. I am out in my living room. And he runs back there and he takes one smell and he starts throwing up.

So he is getting sick. So my other friend he comes back, we put her in the shower and she is like all out of it. We wash her off, we try to take care of her; we [continue to] wash her off.

. . . I had a bunk bed and I was on the lower level of the bunk bed and my friend that was helping me out tried to help me clean her up a little bit, I put her up on his bed. Because my bed [had vomit on it so] I had to take the sheets off and everything. So I put her up on his bed, I go out in the living room and am just talking to those guys for a little bit. Then I go back in and she’s totally fine, she is totally coherent. So we start “going at it” again [laughs] and then she starts calling 92

T H E C A M P U S A S A S E X UA ll A R E N A me by the wrong name. So keep in mind that we are on the top bunk bed so we are close to the ceiling tiles. So she is screaming somebody else’s name. I can’t believe I am telling you this. And, umm, and she is screaming the name Anthony, so I am like, “Who is Anthony?” and she’s like, “I mean Stephen.” So that was that. I took her, that was finals week, she missed her final, I took her home and went down to the kitchen in the fraternity house to get something to eat and I didn’t know that my one friend had heard us through the ceiling tiles and he just looks over at me and is like:

“What’s up, Anthony?” And I just looked at him and am like,

“You heard that whole thing?” And he’s like: “Yeah.” So that was like a typical night at [State U.].

KB: Typical night?

Stephen: It was . . . it happened. I mean that was the first time I ever had a girl throw up on me. But that is the kind of scene that went on there. [I hope you] don’t look at me any differently

[now that I told you this story]. [Emphasis added]

My research suggests that Stephen’s story is very unusual, yet his frame of reference on campus led him to conclude that his experience represents a typical night at State University. Thus, Stephen’s (distorted) perception of what was typical gave him permission to engage in what was actually atypical (and perhaps unlawful) behavior.22

A STATE OF CONFUSION

Men and women draw from their peers when making decisions on how to conduct their own sexual lives. In