First Kiss Last by Sara Miller (read e book .TXT) 📗

not upset about her interfering. The kitchen was warm and cozy. Between the warmth of being in Cade’s arms and the comforting smell of pizza, Leah felt like all was right in the world.

She closed her eyes to breathe it in but the moment was gone. The smell of pizza was gone.

The warmth was gone.

She was alone in a king-size bed.

Leah reached over and touched the spot where her husband was no longer sleeping. Her hand and her heart felt nothing.

Chapter 21

“So, about Thanksgiving . . .”

Leah looked up from her breakfast in surprise. Eric had not initiated conversation with her lately. She had been thinking ahead to the holidays but had decided not to broach the subject.

“It’s our turn to go to my sister’s,” Leah reminded him.

“Yeah, I know but I heard from my parents that my Nana has been having a rough time. So I was thinking I’d fly out East. Maybe leave a little early and make a whole trip of it.”

Leah tried to think quickly. She would have to break plans with Lily. She hoped the girls would not be too disappointed. Then she wondered about the logistics. Could she get the extra time off? She always took the day before and after Thanksgiving off, but this sounded like more. She had not put in for more than her normal two days but maybe if she played the “sick grandma” card—then his words clicked.

“Oh,” she said feeling stupid. Eric was going without her. “I’m sorry about your Nana. Did you . . . do you want me to come too?” she found herself asking, just in case.

“I kinda already booked my flights,” he squirmed. “You and me, lately . . . I didn’t think—” he stopped trying.

“No, of course, that makes sense. And Lily is expecting me.” She finished her cereal and took her dish to the sink. As she rinsed it out she heard him speak.

“I’ll be here for Christmas though.”

“That sounds good,” she heard herself reply.

Did it? She wasn’t so sure. Leah thought of their previous Christmases together. Most of them were happy memories, all except that first one. She still didn’t know what happened to the “Baby’s First Christmas” ornament they had purchased. She instantly shut the memory down and refused to think about what Christmas would look like this year. She would take this one holiday at a time.

“Good,” Eric repeated. He sounded as unconvinced as she felt. He cleared his throat. “I’ll be late tonight. If you’re cooking or whatever, don’t wait for me.”

Leah turned around. Eric had gotten up and was grabbing his things for work. As he made his way to the door, he looked back at her and she nodded.

“Bye, babe.”

♦

“What do you mean he’s not coming?”

Eric had flown out the weekend before Thanksgiving. Leah had dropped him at the airport. She had his return flight info and knew when to pick him up. Now, the day before Thanksgiving, she was finally telling her sister.

“He went to visit his family,” she shrugged, trying to pretend it was no big deal.

“But . . .” Lily looked confused. “Why? It’s your turn here.”

Lily’s confusion did not change as Leah gave the vague excuse about Eric’s grandma he had offered.

“So then why didn’t you go too? You love his Nana.”

Leah looked at the floor. She had picked up fancy coffees and brought them to Lily’s house. It was their tradition to do meal prep and baking together the day before Thanksgiving. They were sitting at the counter drinking and chatting before they began.

“Lily . . .” she tried but no more words came out. Her sister squeezed her hand.

“Is this about him?” she asked quietly.

Leah shook her head, knowing full well that Lily was no longer talking about Eric.

“No,” she said firmly. Eyes still cast downward, she saw a Cheerio and a Barbie shoe. It made her happy for the life her sister had but wistful for herself. Time to come clean.

“Eric and I . . . we aren’t really together right now.”

“What?!” Lily shrieked. “I mean, I knew you were in a rough patch but how ‘not together’ are we talking?”

“Nothing official. But separate bedrooms. And now, apparently, separate holidays. Although he says he’ll be here for Christmas and I have no idea how that will work. We barely even talk,” she shrugged and looked up. She felt a bit lighter releasing the secret. Or at least half her secret.

“Well . . .” Lily looked guilty.

“What?”

“I probably shouldn’t say.” Clearly she wanted to say.

“Just say it.”

Leah watched Lily search her face. Her sister struggled with whatever was on her mind. Lily opened her mouth to speak, then closed it just as quickly.

“Fine, I’ll say it for you,” Leah offered. “You’re glad. You don’t like Eric. You’ve never liked Eric. You’ll be glad to be rid of him. Is that it? He’s my husband, Lily. What am I supposed to do?”

“It’s not Eric . . .” Lily squirmed. “Not exactly, anyway. It’s just— it’s more like . . .” she kept trying and failing. Leah could tell her sister was frustrated.

“Safe zone,” Leah resurrected something they used in their childhood. It was Gigi’s special solution when they fought. They could safely share their feelings as long as they only talked about how they felt, not what the other person did or did not do. Lily nodded.

“I miss you.”

Leah was caught off guard. She was not expecting Lily to say that. She grabbed her sister’s hand and held on, waiting for more.

“I know you are here but I feel like I lost you somewhere. Your vibrancy. Your personality. Your dreams. I miss those parts of you. And I have disliked Eric. Partly because we just don’t have much in common but more because I feel like he took all that away from you. When I married Robert, I feel like he blessed and enriched my life. He gave me our beautiful girls, yes, and he also gave me this