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said, but something along those lines.”

Ben waited for her to go on, looking at his feet.

“I’m not defending myself, okay? Not making excuses. Just giving you context. He was cheating on your Mum. With multiple people. You were two-years-old or something. I snapped. Just reacted.”

“Reacted and stopped me having a father all these years?”

“Probably. I wasn’t thinking. It’s inexcusable.”

“He says that’s why he left. Because you threatened him.”

“I’m pretty sure I told him to go and never see the two of you again.”

“Why did you do that?”

“I wish I had a good reason for you, Ben. I was young, not that that’s an excuse. I was older than you are now. Not as smart. It seemed like the right thing to do. For you. For Megan.”

“You were faced with a choice…”

“Yep.”

“And did what was right in the moment.”

“Or thought I did.”

Ben nodded. “I know how that goes.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“The mission?” Ben shook his head.

This was in stark contrast to the young man who had just completed training at the Diamond Logistics facility and couldn’t bring himself to stop talking about it, even if he had wanted to. What the heck had gone on? Much as she wanted to know, Amber took a leaf from Vaughan’s book and held her tongue. Ben would talk about it in good time, when he was ready.

They wandered in silence for a long stretch, water lapping at their ankles.

“It might not have made much difference,” Ben said finally.

“What?”

“Whatever you said or did in that hotel room. Ellis doesn’t strike me as the type to hang around anyway. Maybe you provided a good excuse for him to leave.”

“Maybe. Thank you. But I shouldn’t have done it regardless. Even if I thought he was bad for you and your Mum, it wasn’t my decision to make.”

Ben nodded again, lost in thought. Amber watched him sadly. This is what she had been concerned about. Part of Ben had died in a few days since she’d last seen him. Part of him that was now gone forever.

Had she made the right choice letting him get mixed up with Mother and Diamond Logistics? The fact it wasn’t really a choice didn’t help set Amber’s mind at ease.

65

This was a big thing. Definitely big.

Amber asked Vaughan to stay over in cabin six. This was after the boys got back from their joyride in the Tesla, Grubby as high as a kite. After, they had invited Shake to stay for dinner, but he declined, saying he had to get back, still looking at Amber like he had a brand new weapon in his arsenal.

She had stayed on Vaughan’s boat plenty of times, but allowing him into her space for the night was something entirely different. New.

To Vaughan’s credit, he didn’t say anything or make a fuss. When Amber suggested it, doing her best not to appear flustered, he accepted it like it was the most natural development in the world. She had to hide her Sig so he didn’t accidentally stumble across it while they slept. Not that he moved much when he slept. Right now he was a bit too close, their legs touching, making her too warm. It was irritating and yet she liked it at the same time. She liked his presence right there with her.

She watched the slow rise and fall of his chest. Vaughan had drifted off to sleep straight away after sex, that way he tended to do. Content. Calm mind.

By contrast, Amber’s mind was a storm, even now things were good. Grubby was going to be an issue. More finding out what Amber needed to know without revealing much about who she was and Diamond Logistics. Grubby himself was essentially harmless. Trouble was he had a big mouth. Let the wrong things slip and half of Port Simmons would end up knowing. Regardless, she was going to get to the bottom of this pink heroin business. Whatever it took.

She thought about Ben too. What he got himself into and where he might end up. Vaughan was right to be concerned about him turning out like her. Or Shake. She tried not to worry because it was something she couldn’t control.

This led to thoughts of Mother and what she might have in store for Amber.

Finally, her thoughts drifted to Ellis, and for the first time she didn’t flinch or shy away from memories of him. He could stay in Paradise Cove for all Amber cared. All those years of pain and worry and fear, so concerning for so long, disintegrated and floated away, like dust on the wind. He couldn’t hurt Amber anymore. That made her happy.

Not long after this realisation she stopped thinking altogether.

66

Ben was wide awake, sitting on his bed. His room seemed even smaller now. Everything had changed. He had changed and yet his room was exactly the same. The posters on the wall all so childish now. From a distant past.

His laptop warmed his thighs. He had been searching for hours. For what exactly he wasn’t sure. Proof maybe? Validation?

Movement grabbed his attention. Slowly his bedroom door crept open, just enough for a wrinkled hand to reach through and turn off his light.

“Joan…”

His grandmother flinched, banging into the door. The light came back on.

“Sorry, Ben. I thought you were asleep.”

“I’m not.”

“You do that sometimes, fall asleep with your light on. If I get up I switch it off.”

“Okay.”

She came in and stood by his bed. She was wearing her ragged old nightgown. Maybe he could buy her some pyjamas for Christmas. The nightie left nothing to the imagination. It was okay as long as Ben kept his eyes on Joan’s face.

“Can’t sleep?”

“Just not asleep yet.”

She indicated to the laptop. “Playing games?”

“Looking for information about some guy. Jakob Baumer.”

“Never heard of him. Is he from Port Simmons?”

“No. He’s an arms dealer. Or human trafficker or something.”

“Doesn’t sound very nice.”

“I think his daughter just died. But I can’t find anything about it. Or him actually. Maybe it’s just…

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