The Messiah of Stockholm by Cynthia Ozick (ereader for comics .txt) š
- Author: Cynthia Ozick
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āIām not like you.ā She stopped. āIām not.ā
Again he gave her his impartial stare. āDr. Eklundās not imaginary, no. Thatās the pity of it. I used to think he was.ā
āNeither is my mother. My motherās in Grenoble, with a new husband. I told you all that.ā
āIt was a story.ā
āSome of it wasnāt.ā
āSome of it! And after all this time youāre ready to unscramble it? The whole cast of characters?ā
A gargantuan rumble obscured the last words. The child, awakened by his own vibration, drew up his legs, churned, and appeared to drop back into sleep. Two tracks of tears wandered down his chināit was like the little stem of an acornāand onto Elsa Vazās sleeve: the hard-breathing nostrils wept, the fat lids watered.
āI shouldnāt have come,ā she said.
āYou shouldnāt. Now that I see what youāve come for.ā
āYou donāt see.ā
āA grand sorting-out. That high Party official, was he made up?ā
āHe was my motherās friend. I told you that. Tosiek Glowko.ā
āAnd the old widow with the box, and the old widower in Warsaw, and the shoes, and those papers in the oven, and the man with the long black coatāā
She looked at him; she was immobile. Even the pupils of her eyes stood stock-still. You could throw a pebble at them and they wouldnāt twitch. āYou donāt know anything about Drohobycz. Nothing. Nothing about Warsaw. Itās all appetite to youāitās what you want it to beāyou donāt have any inkling about those places.ā
āI was born there. Iām a refugee.ā
āIt doesnāt matter how many times you say that, you still donāt know where you were born. A fairy tale. You picked yourself a make-believe father out of a book. Who else does a thing like thatāā
His steadiness faltered; he blinked: his own eye stung by that other eye. It was not so much a recollection as a smarting, a burning. That other eye would no longer submit to his summoning, even on the palest brink of memory. The truth was he could not call it back. When he tried to visualize it, what he saw was a very small mound of ash, irregularly round, no higher than a thumbnail. The gray cinders might have passed for a little heap of Elsa Vazās hair.
āTell me,ā he said, āis there a father for this boy somewhere? Or is he going to have to figure one out for himself?ā
āHis father is in Brazil.ā
āBrazil? Not Antwerp? Heās escaped the family business?ā
āDivorcedā was what he thought he heard her sayāthe childās sick snore swelled up again and washed over itābut it might have been something else. It might have been āForced,ā or āLost,ā or āCrushed,ā or something similarly stretched out of her strangely middle-throated sound. It might have been anything at all; the moment passed; once more the child settled back.
Lars said resolutely, āYouāre the worst. You named yourself out of a book, I didnāt do that. You swiped Adela, you dressed up in a name, you masqueradedāā
āMrs. Eklund thought it would attract you. She wanted you to be interested.ā
āMrs. Eklund. And the pupil, the schoolgirl? Copulation with a child! With one of his own pupils! That wasnāt Mrs. Eklundās! That was yours, wasnāt itācopulation with a child, wasnāt that your idea? Heidi wouldnāt think of that! I donāt give her credit for that one.ā
āGive her credit if you like.ā She lowered her head. āI came to say you were abused.ā
āUsed,ā he corrected.
āShe injured you.ā
āAnd not Dr. Eklund? Dr. Eklund with his wonderful magnifying glass? Sherlock Holmes crossed with P. T. Barnum?ā
āNot my father, no.ā
āYour father,ā he said vengefully.
āHe injured you only a little.ā
āThank you, only a little. Iām grateful.ā
āYou injured him more. He isnāt recovered. Heāll never recover. You donāt know what you did. Thatās why Iām here,ā she said. āI came to tell you what you did.ā
āWhat I did! I knocked out his handiwork. I suppose a thing like that can take an expert two or three months? Then itās all right, he can just go ahead and put together another one.ā
She said again, āYou donāt know what you did. You didnāt know then and you donāt know now.ā
āWell, if I knew, Iād be the expert, wouldnāt I? I imagine it needs the right kind of ink, and the right kind of pen, and the right kind of paper, and the right kind of gullibility. I imagine he can get those things. And useful sorts of manuscriptsāstray letters, smuggled correspondenceāto model the handwriting on, thatās the first. And after that a good storyteller like yourselfāa natural Thespian Iād call youāand plenty of mishandling in the way that wrinkles up paper to make it age in a hurry, comings and goings in bags and jugs and maybe even shoes and ovens, and dunking in puddlesāall thatās technical, I donāt know how itās done. But mainly itās having the right story that countsāitās the story, isnāt it?ā
āYou literary parasites.ā She was all thick scorn; the boy stirred in her arms. She was a madonna of contempt. āRevenge and illusion, illusion and revenge! You think everything is imagination. Thereās more to the world than just imagination.ā
āMoney,ā Lars suggested. āIsnāt that what the family business is for?ā
The boy shuddered; he was all at once awake. Heavily he lifted his acorn chin and looked sidelong around the cubicle. In the darkness of the doorway, upright on its haunches, a khaki mouse squatted. It was trembling all over. Its ears wavered; its whiskers shook; it held up its little paws like the hands of a child.
The boy cried out: a long shriek, and slipped to the floor.
āIāve got to take him away.ā
āYou shouldnāt have brought him. A sick kid like that.ā
āWhat do you know about it?ā The thickness of her scorn.
He felt she was right. It struck himāhe thought of Karinās thrown-out paint set, Karin herself stolen away to Americaāit struck him that he had exchanged his daughterās hot life for a heap of gray ash. Illusion, illusion! And money. Wasnāt he himself alive because of a mercenary travelerās family
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