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Carter. I don’t know that you have to do this. You have a choice. You’re a free man. You have a free will. You can still say no.”

“He’s my boss, Ellie. More than that. He’s—”

“I know.” I straightened, sitting upright, but still couldn’t look my husband in the eye. “I know what he is to you.”

“Then you know why I have to go. If I hadn’t been there today, he’d be dead now.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. But it would’ve been between him and his wife. Not him, his wife, you, and everyone else that’s going to be dragged into it.”

“None of us wants to be dragged into it, Ellie,” he said. I could hear exasperation rising in his voice. “We were dragged into it by being born who and what we are. Surely you get that.”

“Surely you—”

I cut myself off. The exact same argument, round and around and round and around. Neither of us able to convince the other to see their point of view. It was useless. Pointless. Every bit as pointless as the feud, the bloodletting, the war itself.

“Where does it end, Carter?” I asked gently, more rhetorically than directly. “If Sean kills his wife—his wife—and Nosizwe, if he gets control of the Stones, what then? He knows your blood does something, unlocks the door to somewhere. Do you really think he won’t look into that? Explore it? That he won’t use you?”

Carter’s scowl told me everything. He didn’t like hearing it because he knew it was true. He’d already considered this and was aware of the possibility.

“Sean won’t kill me,” he said, but his expression belied his statement.

“No? He’s killing his wife that he’s seemed to be in love with all these years. I wouldn’t put too much faith in the love of a man like that. When it’s all for the greater good, as he sees it, nothing’s going to stand in his way.”

“I think you’re misreading him,” Carter protested.

I released the sigh weighting my chest and stood. “I hope I am. But I’m not going to be around to see what happens.”

“What does that mean?” Carter stood as well. I turned to face him, feeling nothing but grief in my soul.

“I love you, Carter,” I said, stepping closer to him, putting my hands on his chest, connecting us physically. I needed him to hear and understand what I was saying. “I know that now. I love you, and I want to be your wife.”

“You are my wife,” he interrupted, looking puzzled.

“I know, that’s not what I meant. I mean, it is. It’s—”

“Ellie, you’re not making any sense.”

“I would, if you’d be quiet and listen,” I snapped, exasperated. The poignant moment was gone, but I took a deep breath to try again.

“I want to be your wife, your real wife. I want to make this work—this, us, our marriage. I thought we could. Or I allowed myself to believe we could because I was stupid and in love and swept away by both of us having survived the unimaginable. I wanted it more than I believed it.”

“What are you trying to say? You’re leaving me? Already? After one night? Hell, that’s a sure way to shoot down my confidence as a lover.”

“It has nothing to do with that,” I said, a grin twitching my lips in spite of myself. “And you know it. No, I’m not leaving you, as in divorcing you. What I am trying to say is I came in here, guns blazing, ready to defend you to the death if need be against Sean and Ciara and whoever and whatever you might be facing. But you know what? All I’ve learned is that it’s pointless. I can’t save you, Carter, because I can’t save you from yourself. You’re in too deep for me to ever pull you out. If anyone’s going to do that, it’s going to have to be you. I’m done trying to save you when you don’t want to be saved.”

I could see the range of emotions playing across his face. He’d never been good at hiding his annoyance, and that’s what I saw now. Annoyance, along with a little fear, a little surprise.

“I don’t need to be saved, Ellie.”

“Yes, you do, and you don’t see it. That’s the sad part. James’ death—even that isn’t a wakeup call. You could walk away from this right now. Let the dead bury their dead, like the Bible says, and come with me. But you won’t. I’m not even asking you to, because you won’t.”

His hands circled my wrists, whether to hold onto me for comfort or hold me in place, I couldn’t tell.

“What are you trying to say, Ellie? What’s the ultimatum here?”

“I’m not giving you one. I already know you’d choose Sean, your people, and this life over me. I’m not asking you to make that choice. I’m only saying I won’t be around to see you fall. I’m not coming in with guns blazing anymore.”

“I don’t need you to,” he growled. “I can take care of myself.”

“I hope so,” I said soberly. “Because it sounds like you’re in for the fight of your life, and I won’t be there.”

“That’s good. I don’t want you there. I want you as far away as possible. I want you to stay safe.”

“And who’s going to keep you safe? In the end, Carter, who’s really going to watch your back except me? Who can you trust except me?”

His mouth opened, closed a couple of times. He wanted to reply, list names. But he knew I was right. He couldn’t say Sean. He couldn’t name any of Sean’s people. He didn’t know, after Ciara’s betrayal, who was loyal and who wasn’t.

I waited sadly for his answer, but there was none. Finally, with a sigh, I lowered my face and permitted my head to drop against his chest. For a minute, I allowed myself to lean into the man I’d married. For a minute, I allowed myself to dream about what could have been but now likely

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