Repairer of the Breach (Stones of Fire Book 4) by Sarah Ashwood (reading eggs books .TXT) 📗

never would be. A tear squeezed out from beneath my lashes, my glasses. I reached up to dash it away where he couldn’t see before stepping back. Carter released my wrists. For several long seconds we stood there staring at each other.

Funny how life had come full circle there at the Costas mansion, where I’d first seen him shapeshift, where I’d married him, where I was now compelled to tell him goodbye. There were so many words bubbling up inside of me that begged for release, but I couldn’t do it. There wasn’t anything left to say. He’d been on this path a long time before he’d met me, and Carter, being who he was, was going to stay on this path until the bitter end.

“I love you, Ellie,” he said at last, quietly. He wasn’t begging me to stay. He wasn’t offering any apologies for doing what he believed he must do. But he wanted me to know how he felt. I would give him that, at least.

“I love you too,” I echoed. “I wish—”

I stopped. Pointless. The word that had been echoing through my soul. Pointless.

Carter smiled his twisted, wry little smile. “Me too, babe. I wish a lot of things were different. That we could’ve met and just been you and me. Not me the bloodthirsty shapeshifter, and you the good little preacher’s kid.”

I rolled my eyes, hugging my arms around myself against the slight breeze blowing the smell of smoke away.

“Very funny. I don’t think you’re particularly bloodthirsty. And, in the end, it was you being a shifter and me being the good little preacher’s kid that brought us together.”

“And will tear us apart.”

No, that’s you refusing to walk away from an insupportable lifestyle and an absurd war.

The rejoinder was on the tip of my tongue, but I bit it back. Swallowed. I didn’t want to argue. In my deepest heart of hearts, in a place full of dread and fear, was a heavy sensation that I’d never see him again. I really, truly didn’t want our final meeting, if this was it, to be filled with anger and bitterness. There’d been too much of that in our past.

“I’m sorry.”

I couldn’t say anything else that wouldn’t be construed as harsh.

“Me too.” He hesitated, then asked, “Can I at least kiss you goodbye?”

My stomach coiled. Not because I was put off by the idea of kissing him, but because I knew if I kissed him right now it might weaken every resolve I’d made. Still, I also might never get another chance to kiss him. My heart in my throat, forbidding me to speak, I nodded yes.

Carter first reached up to take off my glasses, folding them, tucking them gently into my jacket pocket. This made me giggle half-nervously.

“What are we expecting here?”

“Not expecting anything,” he said, shrugging. “But I sure as hell don’t want anything to get in the way, either.”

I hadn’t come up with a reply before he’d moved in, framing my face with his hands. Hands that could morph from flesh to bronze in an instant. Hands that could kill mercilessly, but had never touched me harshly. He was such a contradiction, this man. Maybe it was the fluid side of his nature, due to his being a shapeshifter. I didn’t know, but I did know there was nothing variable, nothing insubstantial about the way he looked at me as his face lowered towards mine or the way his mouth took mine.

My heart stopped in my chest. Awareness of the ugly, terrible world around us drifted away as I leaned into Carter’s kiss. For a few moments, all of life, with its pain and turmoil and confusion and questions of right and wrong melted away beneath the feeling of his hands on my face, my neck, his fingertips toying with my hair, his lips teasing mine. I pressed against him helplessly, the solidity of his body bringing up explicit, warm memories of the one night we’d spent together. Goosebumps raised on my flesh. My breathing shortened. The heartbeat that had slowed was now pounding so fiercely it was about to break my ribs.

This was supposed to be goodbye, not an invitation to sex. If we didn’t stop soon, that’s what it would turn into, never mind the circumstances. I was weak, and I kind of doubted he was any better, judging from the way he seemed to instinctively press his body against mine, and how his hands fell from my neck to my hips, pulling me in closer.

“Carter…” I tore my mouth away, dropped my forehead to his chest. “This isn’t working. We can’t—”

“I know, kid.”

He eased back a little, wrapping his arms around my shoulder blades, just holding me. “I know, kid. I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to take it that far. But, damn, girl. You do something to me.”

He paused. “There’s a lot of things I wish you’d do to me.”

How did he always make me laugh with his stupid jokes, even under these conditions?

“You have a problem,” I said, swiping a tear from beneath my eye, hoping he wouldn’t notice.

“Yeah.” I felt him lower his face into my hair, breathe in, then kiss the top of my head. “I do. But loving you isn’t one of them.”

Loving you…

I know he loved me. But not enough to walk away. Not enough.

That reminded me painfully of what I was supposed to be doing—leaving.

I forced myself to break the circle of his embrace and step back. I was afraid if I so much as looked into his eyes that I’d be lost, but I did it anyway. Seeing the pain mixed with love didn’t make me feel any better, but what was I supposed to do other than what I did?

Whisper, “Goodbye, Carter.”

Then edge around him and walk away, not knowing if I’d ever see him again.

Chapter Twenty-One

Ellie was awfully quiet on the ride back to her hotel. Detective Ewing kept glancing into the rearview mirror to check on her, holed up there in