Miscreants: Next Generation by Natalie Bennett (essential reading .txt) 📗

to fall for her. We started off friends too, and before I knew it I saw her in a different light. She was the girl I couldn’t stop thinking about, my entire fucking world.

I was told I wasn’t allowed to have her. I’d been warned countless times. Those in my way never stood a fucking chance in keeping her away from me. She couldn’t fathom how much I valued her. I never meant for her to deal with the side effects of my baggage or pain that didn’t belong to her.

What she’d said before was the tragic truth. I was damaged. Mentally I was so fucking gone. Demons lived in all my scars, self-inflicted and otherwise. They dwelled inside my head, never giving me a moment of silence unless I was with my Lilith.

No one knew the battles I fought every single day. I didn’t want them too. I was the only one who could face me. I was the one who chose to go down this road.

From the beginning, all I wanted was to be something bigger. It was a long-winded pipe dream, an outcast’s foolish fantasy.

She became a pivotal part of the daydream.

That’s all it was.

Until it wasn’t.

I was offered the chance to make it a reality, and I took it. I did the groundwork. I studied and plotted—still to this day.

I networked. I planned. Finally, I executed. Then I started all over again. Each goal crossed off my list brought me closer and closer to where I wanted to be.

But the nearer you are to the top, the harder you can fall.

He told me about this part too.

He said it would all catch up to me eventually. He said every breath I took would be full of brimstone, and the demons inside me would try to destroy all I’d accomplished. He didn’t just warn me, he allowed me to understand he was as human as the rest of us when everyone viewed him in an immortal light.

He wasn’t fearless but bigger than his fears. Romero’s demons were much stronger than mine, yet he’d learned how to co-exist and tame them.

I wasn’t there yet.

Not even fucking close.

And Lilith…

Lilith, she’s no angel.

She’s the exact fucking opposite, but she put angels to shame. She loved every version of who I was. She deserved all the parts of me I couldn’t give. Sure as fuck didn’t deserve a broken heart.

I knew I needed to let her in, it’s just I didn’t know how or where to start. I was a hostage of my pride. It was a double-edged sword. One of my biggest insecurities was that she’d despise what she found. I had no way of explaining why I was so fucked up.

If I didn’t understand my fucking self, how could I expect her to?

It was an indication of what I’d become.

The enemy.

I was a danger to myself.

To everything and everyone around me.

CHAPTER TWENTY

The only thing I could think of was food. Forget how sore my body was or the current situation, I needed sustenance. I sat up, clutching the blanket to my naked chest. Sunlight was streaming through the glass block window on the other side of the room, so I must have slept all night.

I swept my hair backward so it was out of my face and took a better look around. I hoped there were clothes here somewhere. Putting the hideous sack of vintage back on wasn’t an option.

As if someone from down below heard my plea, the door swung open and Samael walked in, carrying the equivalent of a gourmet feast. I didn’t spare a single second for his face. All I cared about was in his hands. I couldn’t tell you what the last thing was I ate.

“On a scale of one to ten, how hungry are you?”

“If you don’t give me that plate, I will fight you.”

He held the dish towards me with a slight grin. I quickly grabbed it and scooted up to the headboard so I could prop myself up.

“Did you make this?” I took a bite of the oatmeal first, savoring the warmth and hint of seasoning that had been used.

“Just for you, my goddess,” he teased. “This too.” He tossed down a carton of juice.

“Thanks,” I mumbled around another bite. “How did you know I was awake?”

“I was coming to wake you up.” He sat down beside me, using the edge of the bed as his seat.

With food in my stomach and plenty of sleep, my mind was much clearer than it had been in the last forty-eight hours. Everything began to replay on a loop, from the night I spent with him at the lodge to the one just yesterday. There’d been a lot of developments.

Now that I thought about it…

“Hey, you didn’t…”

He gave me his full attention, and I lost the nerve to finish my sentence. I was suddenly acutely aware of the man sitting next to me. His stubble was freshly shaved. His dark hair was all nice and tapered. He was wearing a navy T that hugged his biceps perfectly and equally as dark jeans—colors that worked for his bronze skin and shaded tattoos. He was too gorgeous for words.

His stare was another conversation.

When he looked at me, it felt like he was taking a stroll through every private room in my mind, easily deciphering what they each contained. My face warmed, and I made a point to look at my plate.

“Why are you blushing?” he asked with a laugh.

“It’s you! Stare at the wall over there. Your beauty is too much for me right now.”

He reached over and pinched my chin, turning my face back towards him. “You were going to bring up how good it felt when