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perfect, and I know my job tests the boundaries of right and wrong. But I wish no harm on anyone. That must count for something.

My chest is full, and I have hit the bottom of the pool. The lights are warped up above. In this moment nothing matters, other than my next breath. The one I know I need to take in this distorted reality.

It’s getting harder to hold my breath, so I swim upward. I hadn’t realised how deep I sunk. The larger my stroke, the closer the outside becomes. But my next breath is banging against my ribs, begging to come out.

Anxiety clenches my throat, and the panic is quick to take hold. I’ll explode under this water; I won’t make it. I took too long. My arms swim faster and faster.

I break out the water and gasp, air filling my lungs. I take as much as I can.

“There you are,” I hear Topher’s familiar voice. My eyes are still closed and there’s a fierce thudding in my ears, pounding from my heart. I concentrate on the air, taking it in. That was way too close.

“This is nice here.” There’s a small splash and my eyes snap open. Completely shocked he has jumped in.

I turn and see him on the edge of the pool, his feet splashing around. That makes more sense.

“Did you really think I was gonna jump in?” he chuckles.

“I was shocked, not going to lie.” My voice is croaky. As my bearings are coming back to me. I’m glad his here, but it’s lucky he didn’t see or notice what happened. Wouldn’t that be just my luck?

Elita Machiavelli, found dead, after accidentally drowning herself in the pool.

“No, just not for me,” he says. Slowly, I paddle towards him. For some reason he doesn’t go in the water. He has a thing about it. There must be something there, but I’ve understood there are some places people do not want to go. I have many. This one is Topher’s.

He has come a long way for even dangling his feet and being as relaxed as he is now.

“How’s it going?” I look up and ask.

He hunches his shoulders as he slumps with one hand, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Not gonna lie, I’m tired.”

“I’m sorry.” I hate that I’m the reason his so worn out.

“What on earth are you apologising for? Oh shit. What happened?” He sits up.

“Nothing, I didn’t do anything.” Did I? I think back over the day and I’m sure I have stayed out of trouble. “I mean, I’m sorry you’re in this situation. I know you’re tired. You have been working day and night on that computer.”

“Plus saving your ass on your Indiana Jones adventures,” he says, laying back on his elbows.

I fight the urge to roll my eyes, but he’s right, a little anyway. “I’m sorry my awesome inquisitive mind has made us countless amounts of money and given us our career path and has sometimes,” I say, “gotten us in a slight bind.”

He just looks at me. “You can talk shit underwater, can’t you?” he smirks.

Hmph, well, I couldn’t talk under that water. But, yeah, I guess I can. “Anyway.” I smile. “Today should be a timeout.”

“A timeout?” he says. “I’m intrigued. Continue.”

“Well, you’re tired. I am… well. I don’t even know. The point is, I don’t want to. Not today. So, a timeout. We’re in a beautiful hotel. On an amazing holiday in…” I try to think of where I want to be.

“Disneyland!” Topher yells.

I screw up my face. “Disneyland? Really? That sounds anything but relaxing. All those people yelling and…”

He is laughing away.

“What?” I ask.

“See, you hate people,” he says, still laughing.

“I do not,” I say loudly for the millionth time. “That’s it. We pause for today.”

“Okay, I get it. Dude, you had me at hotel. I’m in.” He drops his head back, relaxing.

I lay my head on my arms gently kicking my feet back and forth.

It’s quiet.

I close my eyes. Sweet silence.

“This is boring,” he says.

“They have a day spa. It was my next stop.”

“Why the fuck are we here then?” He jumps up. “Swimming? Like what is the point?” he says with disgust. “And inside, too. Where I can’t even get a tan. Even more pointless,” he shudders.

I laugh and fly backwards in the water kicking around to my front, swimming to the steps and get out.

Facial it is.

I thought I’d have trouble getting an appointment. But as soon as I said my name, two spots opened up. My no thinking day is turning out better than I had hoped. A big thank you to the bubble I placed around myself and this seaweed scrub I am wrapped in.

“It kind of smells,” Topher says, laying on the massage table beside me.

“We’re wrapped in seaweed. What did you expect?”

“Fair point.”

The smell is quite strong, like fish or day-old sushi. Great. Now that’s all I can concentrate on. And he says, I’m the buzzkill.

“So, how did he look today?” he asks.

“Who?” The smell hits the back of my throat. I really need some water.

“Adonis.”

“If I could roll my eyes right now, I would.”

Topher laughs, “I’m sure you are doing it under those cucumbers. But seriously, how did he look?”

“I don’t know,” I snap back. “Same as every other time I’ve seen him.”

“So, hot then?”

“Yes,” I groan. His been on this horse for a while now. Normally he’d have given up on this hook up. “What’s your point?”

“Come on. How have you not imagined it?” His voice wondrous.

Here we go. “Imagine what?”

“What him fucking you would be like.”

“Topher!”.

“I have,” he sighs, wistfully. “Many times.”

I need out of this conversation. I don’t want to even think about having this conversation. Remember the bubble. That’s also for the tension I feel when I’m with Leo, and even without him.

“How long has it been, E?” he asks.

“I’m not answering that.” Not because I don’t want to, more like I can’t even remember. God, has it really been that long?

“Hmph, because

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