An Ideal Husband - Oscar Wilde (unputdownable books .txt) 📗

been married for seven years, and he has never once told me that I was morbid. Men are so painfully unobservant! Lady Basildon Turning to her. I have always said, dear Margaret, that you were the most morbid person in London. Mrs. Marchmont Ah! but you are always sympathetic, Olivia! Mabel Chiltern Is it morbid to have a desire for food? I have a great desire for food. Lord Goring, will you give me some supper? Lord Goring With pleasure, Miss Mabel. Moves away with her. Mabel Chiltern How horrid you have been! You have never talked to me the whole evening! Lord Goring How could I? You went away with the child-diplomatist. Mabel Chiltern You might have followed us. Pursuit would have been only polite. I don’t think I like you at all this evening! Lord Goring I like you immensely. Mabel Chiltern Well, I wish you’d show it in a more marked way! They go downstairs. Mrs. Marchmont Olivia, I have a curious feeling of absolute faintness. I think I should like some supper very much. I know I should like some supper. Lady Basildon I am positively dying for supper, Margaret! Mrs. Marchmont Men are so horribly selfish, they never think of these things. Lady Basildon Men are grossly material, grossly material! The Vicomte de Nanjac enters from the music room with some other guests. After having carefully examined all the people present, he approaches Lady Basildon. Vicomte de Nanjac May I have the honour of taking you down to supper, Comtesse? Lady Basildon Coldly. I never take supper, thank you, Vicomte. The Vicomte is about to retire. Lady Basildon, seeing this, rises at once and takes his arm. But I will come down with you with pleasure. Vicomte de Nanjac I am so fond of eating! I am very English in all my tastes. Lady Basildon You look quite English, Vicomte, quite English. They pass out. Mr. Montford, a perfectly groomed young dandy, approaches Mrs. Marchmont. Mr. Montford Like some supper, Mrs. Marchmont? Mrs. Marchmont Languidly. Thank you, Mr. Montford, I never touch supper. Rises hastily and takes his arm. But I will sit beside you, and watch you. Mr. Montford I don’t know that I like being watched when I am eating! Mrs. Marchmont Then I will watch someone else. Mr. Montford I don’t know that I should like that either. Mrs. Marchmont Severely. Pray, Mr. Montford, do not make these painful scenes of jealousy in public! They go downstairs with the other guests, passing Sir Robert Chiltern and Mrs. Cheveley, who now enter. Sir Robert Chiltern And are you going to any of our country houses before you leave England, Mrs. Cheveley? Mrs. Cheveley Oh, no! I can’t stand your English house-parties. In England people actually try to be brilliant at breakfast. That is so dreadful of them! Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast. And then the family skeleton is always reading family prayers. My stay in England really depends on you, Sir Robert. Sits down on the sofa. Sir Robert Chiltern Taking a seat beside her. Seriously? Mrs. Cheveley Quite seriously. I want to talk to you about a great political and financial scheme, about this Argentine Canal Company, in fact. Sir Robert Chiltern What a tedious, practical subject for you to talk about, Mrs. Cheveley! Mrs. Cheveley Oh, I like tedious, practical subjects. What I don’t like are tedious, practical people. There is a wide difference. Besides, you are interested, I know, in International Canal schemes. You were Lord Radley’s secretary, weren’t you, when the Government bought the Suez Canal shares? Sir Robert Chiltern Yes. But the Suez Canal was a very great and splendid undertaking. It gave us our direct route to India. It had imperial value. It was necessary that we should have control. This Argentine scheme is a commonplace Stock Exchange swindle. Mrs. Cheveley A speculation, Sir Robert! A brilliant, daring speculation. Sir Robert Chiltern Believe me, Mrs. Cheveley, it is a swindle. Let us call things by their proper names. It makes matters simpler. We have all the information about it at the Foreign Office. In fact, I sent out a special Commission to inquire into the matter privately, and they report that the works are hardly begun, and as for the money already subscribed, no one seems to know what has become of it. The whole thing is a second Panama, and with not a quarter of the chance of success that miserable affair ever had. I hope you have not invested in it. I am sure you are far too clever to have done that. Mrs. Cheveley I have invested very largely in it. Sir Robert Chiltern Who could have advised you to do such a foolish thing? Mrs. Cheveley Your old friend⁠—and mine. Sir Robert Chiltern Who? Mrs. Cheveley Baron Arnheim. Sir Robert Chiltern Frowning. Ah! yes. I remember hearing, at the time of his death, that he had been mixed up in the whole affair. Mrs. Cheveley It was his last romance. His last but one, to do him justice. Sir Robert Chiltern Rising. But you have not seen my Corots yet. They are in the music room. Corots seem to go with music, don’t they? May I show them to you? Mrs. Cheveley Shaking her head. I am not in a mood tonight for silver twilights, or rose-pink dawns. I want to talk business. Motions to him with her fan to sit down again beside her. Sir Robert Chiltern I fear I have no advice to give you, Mrs. Cheveley, except to interest yourself in something less dangerous. The success of the Canal depends, of course, on the attitude of England, and I am going to lay the report of the Commissioners before the House tomorrow night. Mrs. Cheveley That you must not do. In your own interests, Sir Robert, to say nothing of mine, you must not do that. Sir Robert Chiltern Looking at her in wonder. In my own interests? My dear Mrs. Cheveley, what do you mean? Sits down beside her. Mrs. Cheveley Sir Robert, I will be quite frank with you. I want you to withdraw the report that you had intended to lay before the House, on the ground that you have reasons to believe that the Commissioners have