a Pleasure Rites, #1 by Ines Johnson (top ten books of all time TXT) 📗

a frown dragged one side of her smile down. "But if he's not at the temple, where is he?"

"The last I heard he was working at... The Stallion."

Lady Merlyn's frown deepened, bringing the other side down. By the look on her face, Jian assumed she knew what kind of carnal establishment The Stallion was.

"My lady?" The manservant from the car came forward with his hand outstretched. Lady Merlyn descended the stairs and allowed herself to be put in the car.

Jian stole one more glance at the house. He tucked it tight into his memory, and then walked away.

He strolled slowly, leisurely. The steps he'd taken recently limited him to the confines of the temple. In the last five years, when he found himself outside of the temple, he'd walked with a purpose to get food or supplies. But now he simply walked for the joy of it. Feeling the earth crunch beneath his feet, the strength and the certainty in the firmament of the Goddess who cradled them all.

Jian concentrated on stepping lightly on the earth. Imagining first his skin, then his muscle, and finally the bones of his feet touching the earth lightly. He gave himself over to the exercise fully, allowing the earth to support him. Knowing that with each step toward the temple, he was headed in the right direction. Back to his life's purpose, to be in total service to the Goddess. Behind him, Chanyn remained in good hands. She and Lord Khial would make it together. Jian focused his attention on letting her go, replacing his arms around her waist, his lips on hers with Lord Khial's.

He lost himself in the simple task of walking. One foot in front of the other. Needing to please no one but the Goddess. Needing to think of nothing. Empty. Weightless. An offering that She would find pleasing to fill up with her will.

The walk from Chanyn's home to the temple took thirty minutes at a leisurely pace. Somehow, morning turned to night before Jian returned home. He saw that he had a welcoming party.

Elder Gerry sat in an old bamboo chair just outside the entrance to the temple. His face upturned, gazing at the stars. It was a favorite pastime of the old monk. He'd taught Jian to read the stars. In the night's sky, Jian spied Orion burning bright. Often depicted as a great warrior, Orion's story also told of epic love, sacrifice, and constant pursuit.

The two men returned their gazes to the earth at the same time. Elder Gerry sighed and the peace Jian had cultivated over his walk cracked.

"I never told you why I came to this place," Master Gerry began. "As a second son, I fell in love with my brother's bond mate. She and I were great friends. I knew she preferred me to my brother. So, one day I told her of my feelings. She admitted she felt the same way. We made love. Once. And then she married my elder brother as promised."

He closed his eyes as though shaking the memories from his head. "I couldn't watch them, day in and day out. So I left. I left her and my family behind. I came here and I dedicated myself to the Goddess. Soon, I came to love the Goddess—not more than my lady, but differently. It’s not equivalent—what I felt for that girl and what I feel for our deity."

Elder Gerry rocked back in his chair, his face upturned to the stars once more. "She became ill ten years ago, the girl I loved. I had great responsibilities here. If I left the temple, even for a few weeks, it would have put the brothers in a bad way. So I stayed. She died.

"The Goddess is my one true love. Most people love another human being. If they're lucky, that love is returned. Men like us who have not received the love of a mother; we are perfect servants to the Goddess. We can devote our entire selves to her. She is our mother, our friend, and our one true love."

Elder Gerry looked Jian square in the eyes. "If Lady Chanyn called out to you again, would you go?"

Jian didn't have to think about his answer. It was, "Yes." If Chanyn stubbed her toe and called out to him, he'd go to her.

Elder Gerry nodded. "And that is why you cannot cross this threshold to rejoin your brothers. Our mistress is a selfish one. To serve as we do you must give all your heart to Her. We serve all her daughters equally, not one more than another."

Jian stared down at his feet as they took a step back.

"What you feel for your lady is not wrong. Neither is it right. It just is. You will be sorely missed. By me, most of all."

Elder Gerry rose from his chair and came to Jian, halting his backward progression.

Elder Gerry embraced Jian. "Our ancient brother Rumi says that there is a field beyond the ideas of wrongdoings and rightdoings. One day I'll meet you there, my son."

Jian untied his robe and put on the proffered cotton shirt that Elder Gerry held out to him. The material itched his skin. He took the sack of his belongings. Then he walked away from his home.

25

Khial clenched and then unclenched his fist, his shoulder ached from being suspended in midair.

"Dain told me that the garden is so lush because his mother still watches over it," Chanyn said beside him.

"Oh?"

Chanyn's hand perched on Khial's arm. His elbow pointing toward her breasts, as he'd seen bonded males of high society walk with their ladies. Khial felt ridiculous.

"Does it bother you to speak of him?"

Khial clenched the fist of his suspended arm. The bunching muscles caught Chanyn's fingertips in the crook of his elbow.

Chanyn nudged her fingers out of his crook. "I can stop if it bothers you."

"No, no." Khial unclenched his fist, but they automatically clenched again. "Well, yes. It’s just too soon right now.