House of Vultures - Maggie Claire (epub read online books .TXT) 📗

the rest of myexplanation, ignoring his admonition. “I did what I thought wasbest. I could not free Hawk! If you had seen him, you wouldunderstand how his death was a blessing. He begged me to die,Cane—”

“Stop, please.” Wolf’svoice is gruff as he interrupts me. “I need space. Give me sometime to be away from you.”

Oh, how sharp are thosewords as they twist into my heart! I fully expect to lift my shirtand see blood pumping from a wound in my chest. Yet didn’t I want the same exact thing when he killedLion? Is this howhe felt when I pushed him aside?Staring at the vast expanse around us, I whisper.“Well, there is plenty of room in the Pith, isn’t there? Where doyou want me to go? There’s nothing in this wasteland that will hideme from your sight.”

Without a response, Canestands up and turns in a circle, gaining his bearings with everymove. He takes off in a blur, kicking up sand and grit as hescurries as far from me as possible. In the solitude, the weight ofeverything bears down upon my head. Whathappens now? Icannot change what I have done any more than I can change the pathof the sun across the sky!

“You did what was right byme.” Hawk’s familiar voice rings in my ears. His throaty laugh, hiscalloused fingers on my elbow. If I close my eyes, I can still seehim as he was before Falcon tortured him. Though he was a bulkyman, his large hands were surprising good at tasks requiring agentle touch. He’d be sitting beside me right now, fletching arrowsor sewing patches onto his overly mended jacket.

“You were always afair-minded leader, but in this instance, I think you are justshowing me mercy,” I croak, inhaling the familiar scent of rosemarywater. He always used to soak his clothes in the stuff, leaving thepricier soap for the women of the House.

“I held everyone to a hardstandard,” Hawk admits with a sigh, “I should have been lessdemanding.”

“You were tough, but youwere good, Hawk. People knew where they stood with you. I’d giveanything to go back and change the events that led to yourdeath.”

“Little Mynah.” Hawk’svoice holds the upturned hint of a smile as he says my name, “Youcan only move forward. You are not a child anymore.”

“Oh, how I have missed youso,” I whisper, scarcely able to breathe as his piercing eyes turnon me in my imagination. “Where did I go wrong, Hawk? Was it when Ikilled you, or was it when I spared Antero? Or was it when I killedCreeper? What gives anyone the right to decide the life or death ofanother person?”

I swear I almost feel the warmth ofhis body and hear the gentle scratching of sand as he pushes histoes into its depths. “Can you not see that I asked you to kill meso you could lead the House of Vultures? Little Mynah, you didexactly what I wanted. I just wish you’d known the lawsbetter.”

“As do I! Oh, what am Igoing to do?” I wail, burying my face in my hands.

“Whatever you do, littleMynah, do it with conviction.” Hawk’s voice begins to fade as hisvision disappears from my mind. “Stick to whatever you think isright.”

“How do I know what isright and what is wrong?” I question, but an answer from Hawk doesnot come.

After a while, the distinct sound ofboots crunching the sand catches my attention. I do not have tolook to know that Wolf is finished brooding. His hardened gazebores hateful holes in my forehead as he waits for the fight tobegin. I swallow, forcing myself to breathe before I whisper,“Well? Do I have the right to apologize? Will it even make adifference?”

“No, Mynah, you do nothave the right to say such things to me. How does ‘I’m sorry’ bringHawk back? A simple apology cannot undo the taking of alife!”

“Do you really believethat I don’t know that?” I snarl, my own temper rising at hiscallousness. “I have missed Hawk every day since his death! Ifthere had been an alternative to killing him, I would have found itbefore I drew the knife across his throat! But he was dying, and heused what little strength he had left to beg for a quick end. Ishowed him the only mercy I could afford him. Can you really notsee how his loss has affected everything I have done?”

Wolf scoffs, pointing a finger at meas he accuses. “Murder, Mynah. You murdered him! And you cannotpossibly know what I am feeling right now.”

“Really? Because there’sblood on your hands that belongs to my kin too,” I answerstoically, my outrage growing so strong in my heart that it turnsmy body cold. My words are expressionless and frozen as I explainmy familial connection to Lion.

Wolf sinks into the sand, handscovering his eyes. “I did not know,” he mutters with a small, frailsounding voice.

“Those words don’tmagically remove the pain, do they? I told you I didn’t know Hawkwas your father, but the ache of his loss remains. Nothing canremove the bloodstains from my hands.”

“When did you realize thatLion was your uncle?”

“Not until it was toolate. When I saw his face, I remembered seeing him at my old familyhouse. It had been so long since I had seen him, and with the addedbarrier of a mask, he was quite forgotten to me.”

“That explains why youwere so prickly toward me that evening.” Wolf gulps, his handsburrowing into the sand around his legs. “I had just assumed it wasthe brutality of Lion’s punishment. Had I known he was your family,I….” Wolf’s words trail off.

“Lynx deserved justice forwhat she endured at Lion’s hand. It took me a while, but I came torealize this.”

“But why did you not tellme sooner?” Wolf demands, turning to face me once more.

“I needed space, much likeyou just did here and now. Then, everything was happening so fastthat there was never a good time to talk about it.” We sit indefeated silence until the sunlight makes the sand burn like flameson my skin. I do not apologize aloud anymore. I could say those words every day, and it