Heart and Soul by Jackie May (reading list .TXT) 📗

of course he hasn’t done anything yet, because I haven’t given him the signal.

“Waiting—” I squeak through a swollen throat. “On me.”

He slams my head against the tree. Stars explode in my eyesight. Knowing I can’t take another hit like that without passing out, I throw my hand down, as though signaling a race to start. Before my hand has even finished the gesture, a gunshot rings out, and the tree trunk above Ben’s head explodes splinters, spitting bark in our faces.

Ben leaps back, releasing me. “Shee—yit! Sonofabitch!”

Coughing and gagging with sudden intakes of cold air, I quickly raise my hand again. A last warning. “Silver bullets, asshole. The next one paints the tree with your brain.”

“You can’t be here. I’m within my rights to take your head clean off right now.”

“Try it.”

Ben looks all around, trying to figure out where Jay could be hiding. “If he’s across that field, it’s a quarter-mile shot. No way he makes that mark twice.”

“Try it, Ben.”

He spits in the snow, his whole body trembling against our leash. He’s desperate to lunge at me. “Nolan shouldn’t have done this. He can’t.”

“Then challenge him, Ben. Do it, I’m begging you. Do us all the favor.”

“Keep talking, little girl. If I shift, I could take half a dozen shots. Your heart would be in my throat long before that.”

“This is it, Ben. Do you hear me? By keeping my hand raised, I’m saving your life. Again. There won’t be another time.”

“You quit the pack, Shayne. What did you expect? You think you can just come and go? This isn’t your territory anymore. That was your choice.”

“Aw. And that choice hurt your feelings, is that it?”

His face changes from angry to stone-cold, his eyes going dead like a shark’s. It’s a chilling transformation from which I know he can’t go back. I have no choice now but to keep hitting him hard. If I show the least sign of weakness, he’ll attack without hesitation.

“I’m going to tell you something, Ben. I really shouldn’t, because it sickens me, but since I hope to never see you again, I better get it out now.”

His only response is an unblinking stare of complete obsession. I don’t want to know what fantasy is playing out behind those eyes. I start to wonder if Jay would be able to take him out before I was torn apart.

“There was a time,” I continue, “a long time ago. I’m talking, a brief moment of…I don’t know, madness, I guess, because we were young and I didn’t know shit. But there was this instant when I thought…I might pick you.”

My words hit him square between those dead eyes, which briefly show signs of life again.

“But you were different back then, and I don’t mean just because we had so much growing up to do. I mean you. You were…Nolan was the one who always made jokes at my expense, but you never did. You always seemed to get quiet when I was around. It made me wonder. For two seconds. But now the only thing I wonder is where that kid went? We used to run together, Ben.” I have to stop, because my eyes are stinging with emotion again. No matter what changed, or what happens in the future, those old days with the Cody boys—even Ben—will always be part of my true north. I wouldn’t be who I am without them.

For a brief moment, there’s a flicker of something in Ben’s face—I was going to say softness, but that’s not possible for him; maybe pain is a better word—but he quickly gets ahold of himself. The covetous, hungry light returns to his eyes. “You need to give him the signal, Shayne. Drop your hand. Make him shoot and hope he doesn’t miss, because I’m going back now, and if I reach the fire, I’m throwing down a challenge on sight.”

My heart sinks. A challenge on sight means that if I ever show my face to Ben again, he’ll take it as a formal challenge on the spot, no questions asked. The worst part is, he’d be challenging to be my alpha, which means he wouldn’t fight me. He’d go after Jay.

“You do what you have to, Ben.”

With a vacant grin, he sidesteps me and strolls into the woods, whistling carelessly. As soon as he’s out of sight, I rifle through my pack to find the earbud. Jay’s voice is shouting through it as I put it in.

“—supposed to put the earbud in right away, Shayne. I could have told you he was waiting. Just sitting there. I wanted to take the shot.”

“Now I’m kinda hoping you had.”

“Why? What did he say?”

“We’ll talk.” My voice sounds weak and dull. I’m exhausted, my nerves frayed. “But Jay, I don’t want to go home yet. I want to do something first.”

“Okay.” He pauses. “Alone?”

“No. It’s not for me. It’s for you.”

“This doesn’t sound good. What happened in there?”

“I’m taking my car. Just follow me in the truck.”

“Nice of him, giving your car back.”

“It’s not mine. But the bobblehead is. He probably trashed it.”

“No, it’s here.” Jay pulls Ardee Todd from the glove box. There’s a paper taped to its head. He reads it. “‘You’re wrong, Shayne. It is your car.’”

“What? Give me that.”

“It’s the title. He signed it over to you.”

It’s true. There’s Nolan’s signature, dated yesterday. If I take this to the Department of Motor Vehicles, I can register this Tiger Crap in my name. Sole custody.

It feels like more than that. Nolan knows I need a car, but that’s not the only reason he signed this pink slip. This is his way of telling me he’s letting go. He’s relinquishing ownership both of the car and of me. Another victory that feels more like a loss. I needed Nolan to cut back, not cut out completely. The same goes for the rest of my family. Even quitting them the way I did, I never meant for that to be forever.

“I saw