First Kiss Last by Sara Miller (read e book .TXT) 📗

looked a little worn when we went shopping,” he shrugged. “Open the others, they’re better.”

She opened a baking cookbook completely devoted to breads. Then she opened the softest, prettiest pajama set she had ever seen. His gifts were perfect but Leah was confused.

“Eric, these are great gifts, thank you . . .”

“But?” He must have been able to hear it in her voice.

“But you hate me making carbs in the house. And you’ve never been a fan of PJ sets. So I’m confused.”

“These things make you happy, right?”

She nodded and he continued.

“For the last seven years, I’ve watched the vibrant girl I fell for disappear. I tried to make a happy life for us but the last couple of months I’ve realized I was being selfish and trying to make things how I wanted them. I realized why we were both so unhappy: I’d crushed your spirit.”

Leah wasn’t sure “crushed” was exactly right but she understood his point. She half-shrugged, half-nodded.

“So for your real Christmas gift, I wanted to give you you back.”

“Thus these gifts,” she finally understood.

“Partly, there’s one more thing.”

Eric grabbed a packet of papers from the coffee table. She hadn’t even noticed they were there.

“W-what is it?” Her heart raced and pounded loudly in her chest as her brain registered a law office label.

Eric sucked in a deep breath and spoke. “A divorce. Leah, I love you but I’m not in love with you and you still have time to find someone who wants the same life you do.”

He was doing this now? On Christmas Eve? When they had plans to go to her sister’s tomorrow? Not now, her mind begged. Not after the last dream. Not after what she had done. Dream reality and real life crashed together. The panic returned. She couldn’t breathe.

“Leah?”

She could not form thoughts or words. Leah looked at the envelope and back at her husband.

“Leah!” He shook her like Cade had shook her. “Leah, I thought you’d want this too. It’s a good settlement. I promise. The lawyers said I was too generous but I just want us both to be happy. Leah, please, say something.”

“I’m pregnant.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Whose is it?” Eric demanded.

“What the actual fuck, Eric. It’s yours. Remember, you and me three months ago? Right before you moved into the spare room? Why are you shaking your head no?”

“I . . . I . . .”

“You what?” Leah was exasperated. “Tell me!” she heard herself yelling.

“Back when I found out you were pregnant and your Mom was yelling at me and you were looking at me like—like I don’t know what, I panicked.”

“I don’t understand.” Eric’s going back to the beginning of their story worried her. The ashen look on his face frightened her even more. There was something scary coming.

“You know I never wanted kids but I don’t think you ever truly believed it, did you?”

Leah shrugged and shook her head. He’d said the words before but he had married her. They’d tried to conceive. So she guessed she hadn’t really believed him. She’d assumed a child of his own would be different.

“I did you wrong, Leah. I’ve lied to you. I prayed you’d never find out. But you are forcing my hand. I’m gonna ask you one more time, whose baby is it?”

“It’s yours, Eric, it has to be yours!” Leah refused to even consider the alternative. It wasn’t possible. It wasn’t!

“I had a vasectomy. And I’ve had it checked every year to make sure it’s still working. My last check was in November, Leah. It cannot be my baby.”

Leah’s world spun and turned upside down. Her blood pounded in her ears and she saw spots. Everything went black.

“Leah?” Eric’s voice was soft and gentle. He sounded far away. She opened her eyes and saw the ceiling. She was lying on the couch.

“How could you?” Leah squeezed her eyes shut. She didn’t want to see his face. “Month after month, test after test. You let me feel broken and inferior. You lied to me. You said your sperm count test came back normal!” Now she did look at him. She struggled to sit up. When he tried to assist her, she smacked his hand away. “Please do not touch me right now.”

“My test was normal . . . for me.”

“When?”

“Right after you told me. Before I even proposed to you.” He hung his head and his shoulders dropped.

“All this time.” Leah could not wrap her brain around it.

“I’m sorry. For your sake. I did what was right for me. But I’ve hurt you so badly and for that I am sorry.”

“But it has to be yours,” she repeated stupidly. She had wrecked things with Cade. All to raise her child with Eric. And now—

“We’ll keep the divorce as I have it. No one has to know. So long as you do not name me that child’s father. You know I’m not.”

Leah got up. She had to get out. She could not be here any longer. She was done.

“Okay,” she nodded. “Okay.” She moved around in a fog. Grabbing things that were hers.

“What are you doing?” Eric followed her, hovering.

“I need to leave.”

“Leah, it’s Christmas Eve, you’ve had a terrible shock. Maybe you should—”

“I should what, Eric? You know best. You decide all the things. What should I do?”

Eric held up his hands and backed away. He looked as rattled as she felt. She could not deal with his emotions. She had enough of her own.

Leah picked up the divorce papers and headed off to her room to pack. She changed into real clothes and got to work. When she had the last seven years of her life nearly packed up, Leah grabbed her phone and called the only person who made sense.

“Robert?”

“Leah, what’s wrong?” his tone was alarmed. She didn’t blame him. It was an hour before midnight on Christmas Eve.

“I’m sorry to bother you . . .”

“It’s okay. What’s—”

“Leah? Honey, what’s wrong?” Lily’s voice interrupted.

Dammit. Robert must have put her on speaker phone.

“It’s over. Can you come get