Keep My Secrets by Elena Wilkes (large ebook reader .txt) 📗

Everything Frankie did was wrong; every way she held Chloe made her scream. She could hear the tut in Vanessa’s voice as she bustled over to the rescue, trying to show her for the hundredth time how to hold her properly, how to change a nappy, how to get her into her onesie – how to be any kind of mother.

She was rubbish; she knew it. She’d been abandoned in that house with the rubbish for a reason; it was clear for everyone to see.

‘I did try and tell you what was going to happen, didn’t I?’ Jack was standing in the kitchen doorway.

She was at the sink rinsing Chloe’s bottles. A bottle. An instant reminder of what a failure she was.

‘It’s not you, it’s them.’ He deliberately kept his voice low. ‘I told you what they’d do but you didn’t believe me. They’re taking away your confidence with your own child – they’re constantly undermining you. I can hear them; I see them doing it whenever you go near her. Chloe is fine, but they’re making you feel like you’re crap. You’re not. They’re trying to take over. You know deep down what’s happening. What I don’t understand is, why aren’t you fighting back? Why don’t you fight for your daughter?’

She looked at him.

‘Don’t you see? They’re trying to replace Charlotte.’

The horror of his words struck something deep inside her. She didn’t say anything; she just looked back at her daughter lying asleep in the baby chair. Chloe’s lips twitched a little as she dreamed her baby dreams.

‘You have to get out of here, Frankie. Somewhere they won’t know where to look.’

‘And go where, and do what?’ She shook her head. ‘They’re right. I’m not any good for her. I have nothing. How would I live? I know I won’t be able to look after a baby on my own. I’ll never manage. For a start, the authorities will never let me. I’m still in Vanessa and Peter’s care, remember? There’ll be case workers and social workers and health workers and court hearings, until they decide I’m unfit to look after her.’ She realised she was breathing hard. ‘And maybe they’re right. Maybe I’m just being selfish, and it is impossible.’

‘Unless I was with you.’

She thought she must’ve misheard him. Her hands paused in the running water.

‘What did you say?’

‘You heard.’

She shook out a bottle and put it on the rack. ‘That’s a lovely, kind, generous offer Jack,’ she smiled sadly. ‘But we both know it’s a fantasy. That’s not real life.’

‘It is real, and I do mean it.’ The stairs creaked and they both anxiously looked round.

‘Jack—’

‘I have money. I have friends who’d help us.’ He glanced quickly over his shoulder again.

‘You have money?’ She frowned a little. ‘But a bit of money won’t go very far. It’s really sweet of you, but—’

‘No, I mean I have money. Proper, serious money. This is no life for either of us here. We have no future. This is what I want: you and me and the baby. We’ll disappear. People do it all the time.’ His eyes were wide and desperate. ‘You’re eighteen really soon which means you’ll be free… But would you do it, though? Would you take the risk? It’d be massive.’

She almost laughed out loud. This could not be happening.

‘You mean all this, don’t you?’ She knew it was just talk, but it felt as though a weight had been lifted. It was lovely to pretend that she could have a life; not the one she’d dreamed of, but a life that wasn’t about being managed and controlled. She felt like screaming hysterically, the stress of all the last few weeks bubbling up inside her ready to explode.

‘Let’s do it.’

She could see by his face he was deathly serious.

‘Sorry?’

‘Let’s do it.’

She shook her head at the impossibility of it all.

His face lit instantly with excitement. ‘Just leave it all to me. I know how to make it happen. We’ll go quickly, we’ll take very little; it’ll make it easier. After we’ve gone, I’ll tell Dad and Vanessa that we’re fine and not to worry about us. I’ll sort it, I promise.’

‘But when?’

Was she actually considering this? Really? Truly?

‘Soon. Play the game, Frankie. Don’t let them think that anything is wrong. As soon as we’re both ready, we’ll be gone.’

For the next few days, she tried to let it all sink in. An excitement kept fluttering in her stomach. Could they? Could she do this? She forced herself to behave normally, but it was hard. She and Jack stayed away from each other. Vanessa was clearly losing patience with her. She began snapping angrily when she didn’t follow her instructions precisely: she wasn’t passing things over quickly enough, she wasn’t anticipating Chloe’s needs, she didn’t organise and manage her time properly… The list went on and on.

‘It’s just easier to do it myself,’ she kept saying. Peter was different with her too. Gone was the nice, smiley man. In his place was a man with strange eyes. Sometimes she caught him looking at her as if he couldn’t quite work her out. She wondered if he suspected anything. Jack was right. Jack had been right all along. Jack could make this happen. They really could leave. So she just had to put up with it all for a little while longer… It wouldn’t be long now…

Each night, she secretly packed bits and pieces for herself and Chloe into a tote bag that she kept stuffed down the side of the bed, leaving the zip in such a way that she would know if anyone had touched it. Each day she checked it minutely to make sure, and each time she checked she was instantly reminded of Martin. She couldn’t carry on like this. She had to get away and start again. The zip stayed just as she’d left it, but the memories of Martin stayed there too.

Chapter Nineteen

‘This afternoon.’

‘What?’

She was folding