The Ties That Bind Us: (The Ties Duet Part One) by Danda K. (best books to read for knowledge txt) 📗

Cameron rubs my back. “I don’t understand what you’re saying, Jaxon. You need to breathe. You’re gonna have a panic attack.” She shoves a brown paper bag in front of my face and cups the opening with her hand.

“Breathe in and out into the bag. It’ll help you calm down.” She brings the bag to my lips. “It’s gonna be okay, Jaxon.” I try my hardest to take steady breaths, but I don’t physically think I can.

The world continues to kick me while I’m down, and I’m so fucking tired of turning my cheek, waiting for the next hit. I try my hardest to be positive and hope for the best, but this is almost two years without my baby. My flesh and blood. Two years that I could’ve bonded with her.

I could’ve been her dad. Roland didn’t deserve a privilege that was always fucking mine. 

My breaths start to even out as Cameron rubs my back and my knee simultaneously. I repeat the statement I tried to say before. “I would’ve been there for her, Cameron. I wouldn’t have let her go a day without me loving her.”

She hugs me tight, and I lean my head on hers. ”You’ll be there for her now, Jaxon. This isn’t on you. What Gelissa did to you both is unforgivable. No baby deserves to be separated from their father, and no father deserves to be kept in the dark like you have.” She turns and kisses my forehead. “The upside is, she’s still little, so she won’t remember this. You have the rest of her life to get to know her, and you’ll be there for every moment you deem important.”

“But I’ll remember, Nyx. I’ll remember the fact I missed so much with my child. I’ll always feel like I abandoned her, regardless of if it was a conscious decision or not.”

“But you didn’t abandon her. She was hidden from you. There’s a difference. You can’t abandon something you don’t know you have. I understand you’re in pain, and you’re within your right to feel this way. But right now, you’ve gotta pull yourself together so you can secure your role as her father, legally. And quickly. Gelissa’s way too unpredictable to leave the ball in her court.”

She wipes my tears away with her thumbs. ”So cry. Cry all you have to for the next twenty minutes, Charming. Then take a deep breath, wipe the tears, and start your journey as the amazing father I know you’ll be.” She places her hand back on my knee. “Get a lawyer on the phone and push to get paternity documentation. Show Emersyn that you’re willing to fight for her now that you know she’s yours.”

I take a final shaky breath and feel myself returning to normal.

Thank God for this fucking girl. I haven’t cried this hard since I was a kid. Cam just rode out my breakdown with no judgment whatsoever. I love her so much, and I know deep in my heart, this woman would make a phenomenal mother one day, whether it’s with me or not.

Cameron’s been gone for a half-hour when there’s a knock at my door. I open it and find Sayeed and Sam. ”Hi, Jax! Can I watch Into the Spider-Verse?” He runs in and heads straight for the couch without waiting for a response, not that he needs one.

“How are you holding up, Beta?” Sayeed pats me on my shoulder. “I can’t help the thin walls. I figured I should come and check up on you. I’m assuming you got the results about Emersyn?”

I nod my head and lead him towards the kitchen. After I throw on a pot of coffee, I place two mugs down on the table where he sits. ”She’s mine.” Sayeed nods his head in understanding.

“And how do we feel about this?” he asks as he examines the picture on the mug.

“I feel a lot of things. Some fear, some excitement, but mostly sadness because I missed so much with her. I feel like things could’ve been so different if I knew about her from the beginning.”

He continues to nod as I go and grab some cookies that Cameron likes to eat with her coffee, offering him some. He looks up at me from the mug. “Can I give you a word of advice?”

“I’m all ears.”

He leans back in the chair, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m not sure if you’re a religious man, Jaxon. I don’t really find it my place to ask anyone what their beliefs are. But, in my religion, there’s an excerpt from our book that states ‘God will not burden a soul beyond that it can bear.’”

He rubs the back of his neck. “After my son was born and his mother died, for a short amount of time, I grew very angry. Why me? Why her? Why him? Why us? I was always a devout man. I prayed all my prayers, and I gave as much charity as I could. I did everything in my power to be a good person during my time on this earth.” He stops as I grab the pot of coffee and pour it into both mugs, adding two spoons.

When I hand Sayeed his drink, he nods in appreciation and continues. “After a while, I refused to pray. I didn’t attend any sermons, and I shut myself down spiritually because of the pain in my heart. I wondered why I should continue to do the right thing when something so wrong happened to me.” He takes a sip and stirs the brown liquid with his spoon.

“I grew bitter for a whole year. I even got drunk sometimes. I’m not sure if you know this, but alcohol is forbidden for Muslims. I thought drinking was my way to get back at a god that had betrayed me. To rebel against him in a way.”

I watch as Sayeed peeks in on Sam through the opening in the wall before he continues. “Before I knew it, I missed a