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tried to read a book again, but she didn’t even seem to notice I was there.

It’s as if she’s in the middle of a full-blown nightmare but awake. Fuck. Maybe I should take her to a hospital? What if she’s in pain? It’s one o’clock in the morning, so I know her pediatrician isn’t available.

Emersyn’s been screaming for over an hour, and I feel like I’m losing my mind trying to help her calm down. Cameron comes to the door to check on us, cringing as Emersyn’s screams grow louder. This can’t be easy for her either. Cameron has zero experience with babies and just started to work through her emotions with adults. “I Googled what she’s doing, and it seems like it could be night terrors!” she yells over the screams.

I’m bobbing Emersyn up and down in my arms as she pushes off me, trying to squirm out of my reach. “So what should I do?!” I yell back at Cameron as I rub the baby’s head, and she quiets down.

“It says a change of scenery and as little communication as possible. Pretty much, you just have to let her ride it out, but somewhere other than where she started screaming.”

Emersyn’s screams return as I nod in response. I can feel her tears dripping on my shoulder. Cameron walks out and heads towards the kitchen.

I try calming Emersyn in the hallway. No dice.

Her cries are breaking my fucking heart. I have the sudden urge to find some sort of scientist and offer to be their personal fucking guinea pig until they come up with a cure for these night terrors that Cameron mentioned.

I decide to try my room since the living room and kitchen are out. The lights are on there, and Cameron’s probably cleaning every fucking surface insight at this point. When we walk into the room, Emersyn’s still crying, but the screaming has at least stopped. It’s mostly deep, shaky breaths and whimpers, so I hug her tighter and slowly rock her again, feeling her body ease back to a calmer state.

She picks her head up off my shoulder and looks up at me, rubbing her eyes, then reaches up to pull at the longer strands of hair on my head. Emersyn isn’t hurting me, and I’ve seen her do this before with her mom, so I’m wondering if it’s just something she does.

She lunges her body towards my bed and points to it, so I walk over and lay her down. Emersyn looks for something, eyes frantic, the first signs of another meltdown surfacing. Fuck. A lightbulb goes off in my head, and I realize she’s probably looking for her blanket.

I turn to make a mad dash into her room but find Cam standing in my doorway with her arms out, both the blanket and unicorn in her hands.

I approach her and retrieve the items, kissing her on her forehead. If only this girl knew how natural her instincts were, she’d have such a different perspective on her abilities.

I sit beside Emersyn and place the items next to her as I kiss her gently on the forehead. She grows quiet as her breathing becomes steadier. I turn to stand up and grab the nightlight I bought, but her little hand grabs hold of my pants to stop me.

“Daddy?” It sounds like both a statement and a question.

“Yes, baby girl, Daddy’s here now.” I mean this in more ways than one.

She reaches her arms out for me, so I slowly climb into bed with her as Cam turns and heads back down the hall.

I watch her go as my daughter climbs on top of me. I’m on my back as she rests on my chest with one hand gripping her blanket and the other arm reaching up to hold onto my hair, twisting it between her little fingers.

In a matter of minutes, she starts blinking slowly, her mouth parted in the most innocent way as she drifts off into a deep sleep.

I stay there for forty-five minutes, afraid I’ll wake her by standing too quickly. I gently guide her off me and place her in the middle of the bed. She rolls onto her belly as I hold my breath in a panic. Emersyn squirms a bit but ends up adjusting herself with her little behind in the air and her blanket squished under her belly.

It’s at this moment I realize I’d burn the entire world to ashes for this little girl.

Once I have her safe and secure in the center of the bed, I head into the kitchen to check on Cameron. I smell coffee but find Cam asleep on the couch with her red Christmas blanket covering her. She’s hidden underneath it except for her fuzzy socks poking out at the end.

I know I got annoyed at her yesterday for making that comment about Emersyn coming to my house. As if this place isn’t hers just as fucking much as it is mine. I don’t want Cameron feeling disconnected. I want her to feel like my baby girl is joining us both here.

But I can’t rush her.

This is all new to me, but the entire world is new to Cameron.

And I won’t force her into a position like this. If she wants to bond with Emersyn, I want her to do it naturally, kinda like she did with Sam.

I turn off the lamp next to the couch and head to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. Cam took out my favorite Christmas mug, the one that says Jingle these Bells with a pair of bells mimicking, well, balls. I internally laugh at the pun behind the joke and can almost feel Cameron’s eye roll from her sleep.

I pour myself a cup, sit down at the table, and look around our tiny home. What was supposed to be time for me to decompress has now turned into me making a long list of all the things I need to do.

A list. Go figure.

I finally got Cam to send her list to hell

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