Duplicity - A True Story of Crime and Deceit by Paul Goldman (surface ebook reader txt) 📗

As for my father, forget about it. All he evercared about is & was my mother. He never cared about us kids atall… we were merely distractions.

My entire life all I ever heard was how poorwe were. To this day, all my parents ever tell me is how poor theyare. They claim they can’t afford anything. Now, when it’s time tohelp out their flesh & blood with a terrible crisis, what dothey do, play the “we’re too broke” to help. IT’S MY KIDS LIVES,THEIR GRANDKIDS LIVES AT STAKE HERE! What can be more importantthan that? It’s time to do whatever it takes to support this. Theyhave the nerve to tell that since I can’t afford this fight that Ishould just give up the kids & move on…

ARE THEY COMPLETELY OUT OF THEIR MINDS!!! Ofcourse they are… what’s news there. They ALWAYS were selfish. It isno wonder why I turned out the way I did. I wish I could go to workto earn the money necessary but Tommy isn’t old enough. He is soclose to being able to attend school. He’s doing so good with hispotty training (which is a requirement for school). All I need ismore time. If Tommy were in school then I could go back to work…like I was doing before Tommy was born. I enjoy working & amlooking forward to working soon.

Well, enough rambling… I could go on &on but realize it’s ultimately ALL my fault… it’s my mess… I earnedALL of this & guess I’ll get what’s deserving…

Love you, Audrey

From Audrey to her aunt,successfully scamming her out of $25,000 to pay her legalfees; December 10, 2007.

I now know what an addict who is trying to kick thehabit feels like:

Go to bed every night “crying for the drug”…

Wake up every morning “crying for the drug”…

Take a nap during the day “crying for the drug”…

Drive your car “crying for the drug”…

Spend every waking part of the day “crying for thedrug”…

Wishing that the drug would finally leave hersystem…

Hoping that one day she might finally not “cry forthe drug”…

Knowing that “the drug” is NOT CAPABLE of beingFAITHFUL,

She prays she doesn’t have to spend another day onthis planet without “her drug.”

I can only hope that you are as much IN LOVE withwhoever you’re with as I am with you!

Please don’t make contact with me ever again unlessyou think you can honestly say you need me, want me, and love me asmuch as I do you. Otherwise, help me stay on “this wagon.” It hurtsso bad & I just want the pain to end. I only hope this paindoesn’t last a lifetime because I can’t take it & willeventually have to end my pain one way or another.

To Royce, December 15, 2007.

Have “we” made the right decision… to no longerpursue a “relationship?” It has been over 2 years now of lots oflove & lots of pain…

From my view, our relationship is related tothe one that you & your mother had… one of unconditional love…no matter how painful. I have dealt with all the “crap” that youoffer just like you did during your mother’s Alzheimer’s period.You had constant battles of good days & bad… just like I havehad with you. Some days the words that came out of her mouth wereso hurtful & other days so kind… just like yours… often sodisrespectful that others would make comments.

Some days the things she did were sodifficult to deal with yet you kept on… just like I have had to do(whether it was dealing with your physical, mental, or verbalcheating & so forth).

The sole reason… UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. That iswhat I have had for you… that is the excuse that I gave myself tokeep on with our relationship… I felt such unconditional lovetowards you that no matter how hurtful your words & no matterhow disrespectful your actions, I kept on loving you.

But, now I wonder if it is truly the time togive up on you… the words of your own family member, your ownfriends, your own past lovers… ringing in my ears, saying he is NOTcapable of a lasting, loving relationship. Well I have held outhope for over 4 years & now wonder if they are true… if you aretruly “unlovable.” Are you really NOT capable of a lasting, lovingrelationship?

Are you really so damaged that you can’tEVER function as a “couple” in this world? I know you tell me over& over that people can’t change but others say people change ifthey really want to. Don’t you want to? Aren’t you tired of yourmiserable past? Can you make some HUGE changes this year?

All I know is that I do love you (&REALLY wished I didn’t) & believe you do love me (as best youcan love anyone else besides yourself)… but, I prefer to NEVER ride“our” emotional roller-coaster again. This would mean lots ofcommunication to make solid commitments to our relationship. I’msure the idea of any of this makes you run for cover because youare SO full of fear & lacking of trust.

To Royce, December 31, 2007: That infamousNew Years Eve.

BTW, we had the perfect relationship… OURonly problem was your actions… thus, MY only problem was that IREACTED. You caused all these infidelity problems which led to myoutrageous reactions. Any person will tell you that outrageousreactions are “within norm” for such infidelity discoveries.

Looking back I realize that the old saying“once a cheater, always a cheater” certainly is valid. I gave youall kinds of excuses because our relationship is a GIFT, a once ina lifetime connection but this gift is not worthy of my heart anymore. I’ve tried to explain this to you but for some reason youthink that I will fall back into that unconditional love-sickperson again. I REFUSE to. I was ALWAYS so good to you… you had noright to treat me & talk to me the way you did for so manyyears.

I won’t tolerate that type of degradationEVER again. That being said, I do still enjoy your company &conversations as a friend (& friend only). My love for you isno longer felt as my partner in life…