The Witch: Book Two of The Sorceress Saga by Taliesin Govannon (top 10 novels of all time .txt) 📗

                “Damn!” Gaia exclaimed. “That is impressively mature… doubly so since you were two humans!”

                “Excuse me?” Jack said, slightly offended.

                “Please, sweetie.” Gaia replied. “I love your sexy little hairy asses, but you humans put the ‘tional’ in ‘dysfunctional’, tional being an ancient Fae word for ‘relationship’.”

                “So we’re the relationship in dysfunction?” I asked, confused.

                “Well,” she replied, hesitant, “it’s more like it’s ‘you put the relationship in dysfunctional relationship’… it’s not perfect, but really zings in Fae!”

                “Amazingly enough, I see your point.” Jack said, nodding.

                “So what’s up?” Katsu asked Gaia.

                “I have nothing.” Gaia sighed. “Trevor sent me a text that they’d have info tonight, but that’s all.”

                “You have a cell phone?” Jack asked, surprised.

                “Why not?" she retorted. "I mean, sure I can communicate with other Fae psychically, or open a portal, but those kinds of things take effort, as well as time to hyper-focus. And they don’t work with drunken Brits! Sometimes, cell phones are just easier.”

                “Again, point taken.” he nodded.

                The outside door opened once again, and Trevor and Evelyn walked in.

                “Hello, my lovelies.” Evelyn said.

                “You’re all here, good.” Trevor strode to stand in front of the fireplace, his sister sitting on the hearth.

                “So you have news?” Gaia said, grinning.

                “Yes!” Trevor said, rubbing his hands together. “The hellephants are indeed gone, probably picked back up by whoever sent them.”

                “And the cameras are still intact.” Evelyn added.

                “Thank the makers!” Gaia sighed.

                “That’s good.” Jack chimed in. “Because I am NOT going back out there to replace them!”

                “So when do we go back home?” I asked.

                “Well, we can’t travel via Fae gate within the compound.” Trevor said. “There are too many enchantments, many put there by the Fae themselves, to allow that to happen. We’ll have to go outside, about a hundred yards away, to travel. We want to make sure that there’s no trap waiting to be sprung as soon as we step outside.”

                “We’re thinking two, maybe three days.” Evelyn said, wobbling her hand a bit.

                “We’ve been in contact with the fang gang back home, and they know what’s up.” Trevor added.

                “So we have three days to be lazy and relax!” I said, snuggling down into my side of the sofa. I looked at Tiffany. “And three days to get to know new friends.”

                “Here here.” she said softly, raising her joint.

                The sound of lighters echoed around the circle as more joined in.

                                                                                                *                *                *

                We dined in that night, knowing that we would have several opportunities to dine with our host before leaving.  We wanted to revel in the familiar as much as possible, as well as introduce new friends to our group dynamic.

                “I can’t believe that they got Pizza Hut for us!” Jack said, opening yet another fresh box.

                “It’s not really from Pizza Hut.” Tiffany said, taking a bite of mushroom pepperoni. “We bootlegged the box graphics from Google images, and printed the boxes in house.”

                “No way!” Jack said, jaw dropped.

                “Dude, we can forge documents that fool CIA scrutiny… I think we can bootleg fast food packaging.” she replied, eyes rolled.  “Anyway, our food wizards can replicate anything… Big Mac, Whopper, Chicken Quesadilla, and yes, even Pizza Hut pan pizza. It makes the isolation more bearable.”

                “So you make everything in house?” I asked. “From scratch?”

                “It’s easiest.” Tiffany said, shrugging. “We can get basic staples locally, where everyone’s well paid to not pay attention. We thought of ordering from food service vendors… we could have gotten actual Pizza Hut dough if we had bribed the right suppliers. But it just created too many corporate ties, which leaves way too many tracks.”

                “I knew that this wasn’t real.” Gaia said, taking another bite of her pizza. “Ain’t no corporate Pizza Hut has apple and strawberry pizza!”

                “I’ve always heard about the Fae love of fruit.” Tiffany said.

                “We go way beyond pineapple on pizza!” Gaia replied, her eyes wide.

                Tiffany sat up. “I want to try a slice.” she said, looking at Gaia.

                “Of apple and strawberry?” Gaia asked, surprised.

                “Yeah. I think it looks… fascinating.”

                “Okay, but it’s kind of a specialized taste.”

                Tiffany picked up a piece of the fruit pizza, and took a bite.  She made sure to get a little of everything in the mouthful she tried. She closed her eyes and moaned.

                “Mmmmmmm… “ she smiled. “It’s so sweet, yet so earthy!” Tiffany opened her eyes and looked into Gaia’s. “It’s like kissing a beautiful woman after she’s had… something sweet in her mouth.”

                “Wow.” Gaia said, chuckling. “You’re direct!”

                “Half of the women around here are straight, taken, or both.” Tiffany said, taking another bite. “I figure I’ll turn on the invitation lamp for certain enticing ladies, and any who want to respond, will.”

                “Well, I’ll keep that in mind.” Gaia said, toasting with her pizza.

                “We’re going to have to get more of that weed.” Jack said, looking inside the box on the table.

                “What, Uncle Jex weed?” Tiffany said, making a face. “I mean, it’ll get the job done, but only after a lot of smoking, and it tastes kind of like ass.”

                “Do you have something better?” I asked her.

                “Fuck yeah.” she replied.  “Want to come help me get some?”

                “Fuck yeah.”

                                                                                                *                *                *

                “Daaaaamn.”

                The room was twenty by twenty by twenty, and it was half-filled with hydroponically grown cannabis plants of multiple strains. The other half consisted of drying and curing plants at various stages of completion.

                “Nice, huh?” Tiffany grinned. “I used to cultivate surreptitiously, honing my craft, until I came of age and could come out about a lot of things, weed included.”

                “Can we get something yummy?” I asked, sounding like a kid with candy. “I like the citrus-terpene profiles.”

                “Here we go,” she said, unhooking a hanging plant, “Tiger Mints, a