In her Silence - HK Masara (big screen ebook reader TXT) 📗

Volume 1

IN HER SILENCE

Volume 1

 

The lamentations of the modern day African princess

 

H. K .Masara

 

 

 

 

To:

All the girls who feel that they have not got what they deserve in life and whose dreams and hopes have been shuttered by the various trials and tribulations they have come across and faced in their lives. This is from me to you to tell you that you are not alone.

Love

H.K.M

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

EACH GIRL IS HER OWN PRINCESS

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ONE

She sits up straight and looks up at the clock watch

It is a few minutes past midnight

But she feels far from falling asleep

She lies back down and pulls the covers closer to her

As if they were her only protection against the night

Dogs howl out in the darkness and she feels alone

Who is she but a princess who has lost her roots?

A princess without roots and a history

Whose heritage she only knows from folk tales told

From stories whose reliability and truth have been worn by time

Princess, she scoffs at the thought of the word

Is not every girl entitled to become her own princess?

Is she not allowed to hold herself up in high admiration?

To look in the mirror and feel a sense of invincibility

But each girl has forgotten her own royalty

Of the sacred importance of her existence

With a sigh she closes her eyes and visualizes her future

Suddenly is seems so gloomy and fearsomely uncertain

Her fears of today hinder her expectations of the morrow

For a moment it seems as if she is at the edge and soon about to fall

She holds on to the covers and cries out silently for help

No matter how much she feels she shouts, they always produce a silent echo

No one but her distraught self can hear and sense the despair and agitation in it

Who can hear her and come to her aid

This is the lamentation of the modern day princess

Who has lost her glamour and charm?

Whose confidence and presence has been stripped off her by society expectations

Whose existence is seen not more than mere?

And whose royalty is undefined and exists only in her nightmares and at times dreams

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO

THE music plays echoing sounds of warmth into her ears

The pains seem forgotten for a while

The music speaks words of understanding and hope

Suddenly it all seems bright and a smile appears on her face

The once dull features on her face now look peaceful and at home

With a relieved sigh goes on to the next song and at once all signs of hope and strength vanish

She frowns in sadness and remembers all the moment that brought darkness and despair in her life

She tries to think deep on where all this sadness and distress emanates from

If there is any peace in the world or fear of what might come tomorrow

Yes she thinks as she sits up straight, the fear of tomorrow

Will it be bright, will it be like today

Will dreams come true, will they be shuttered

Will there be excitement, will there be disappointment

Either way the modern day princess grieves and fears for her own future and that of the many others who share her lamentations

With one abrupt movement she removes the earphones from her ears and throws the mp3 player

The music that sounded comforting once now sounds far and it all seems helpless

What could have happened to the world?

Why has it allowed itself to be filled with such conflict especially that of emotion

Faces everywhere evidence of the ruthlessness that has taken over our world, her world

Who can she tell? No one, she can only look on in silence whilst her heart moans for today, for tomorrow

So is the fate of the many whose cries are choked in silence

The many whose cries have gone unheard

Whose misery has not been seen by the world and the many that have searched and failed to find

So what end awaits her, she cannot stop thinking

Her emotions conflict threatening to overwhelm her and her heart continues to lament its pains and sorrows

 

 

 

 

THREE

IT is amazing how in the twinkle of an eye

It can be deceived off the world’s wretchedness and ingenuity

How horrific moments are made to look desirable and the unimaginably grotesque seem intriguing

How one can be blinded in a manner so obvious to the world but yet concealed

The horrors of humanity made seem necessary in order to reach the next level of civilization

A level most fear will be unreachable because of humanities misconceptions and deceiving ways

In a twinkle of an eye it is deceived into seeing the bizarre as fascinating

The evil as a new era in human development

The unacceptable as suddenly normal

The traumatizing as everyday life

Will the eye ever know peace and serenity?

Will humanity ever pity it and shadow it from seeing the bad of this life?

Will the eye ever be relieved off its burden and protected from witnessing all the commotion and horror

Just as broken as a heart can be likewise the eye allows tears to flow free

To show its brokenness

Who then is willing to nurture it?

Or before it has the chance to heal it is being succumbed to witness more evil and terror

Who then cares enough to close them for a while?

Who then cares to give them time to glance at a colorful daisy, a chirping bird or the peaceful, carefree face of a laughing child?

Is its purpose also not for seeing the good and pleasant?

They cry and weep from all the horror and the blind man seems blessed to be relieved off the burden

Of having to see the pain and suffering of the vast inhabitants of this world

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

FOUR

WHEN there are a million faces smiling but none of those smiles directed to her

The sudden loneliness and rejection gripping her

When her heart has been trampled over multiple times she had become indifferent to the emotional pain

When it all feels the same: hate, bitterness, anxiety

When it feels as if she is alone with no one to tell but herself

And comes to see herself as only suitable to for being second best

As if she can never be anyone’s number one

She imagines sitting at deserted station for a bus that may never come

The conflicting emotions and feelings

First excitement for a journey yet untraveled, expectation

Then impatience, frustration

Until suddenly she is on the verge of an emotional breakdown

Tears building up, threatening to flood out and drown her together with her sorrow and rid her off it all

Better alone than with those who can’t and won’t love you, she thinks

Better be in Foe Company than with an ingenuine friend

No matter how she has been told to see herself as invincible

To them she will always be second best and nothing more

And that then leaves a gush in her heart and she really understands the true meaning of heart ache

She wonders if this was the prize for trying to fit where she did not belong

But is there anything as not belonging, is not every princess supposed to fit in

Finally after realizing no matter what she does they will not accept her

She fits in a crowd who welcome her with joy and whose company is seen as queer

And the same people who made her second best

They judge her, they scorn her, and they mock her

And say to each other in whispers

‘I told you she was not good enough’

As if they doubted her from the very beginning

She listens on and starts to think the same of herself

That even to herself she is not good enough

This is the everyday life of the modern day African princess

 

FIVE

SHE looks at the reflection in the mirror and frowns at what she sees

Whatever happened to the much high held glamour she once possessed?

Her princess hood has been robbed away from her

By skinny jeans and tennis shoes

Cute pink tops and rock hoodies

All immodest and unknown in her culture

No longer is she adorned in wrappings of fine fabrics

Of beads and bangles around her neck

Symbolizing her true African feminism

Now she is forced by modernization to turn her back on her roots

And thinks would it have been better if she had truly been a princess back then

When she was held in high regard

When true beauty was held in high regard

Her once adored kinky hair

Now hidden under wigs and weaves

Its once considered beauty now when they look at it wonder if there is nothing she can do about her hair

Has natural beauty become so repelling?

She wonders on how natural is now considered plain

Where has the beauty and sophistication in simplicity gone

Who has set it that her kinky is not worthy of respect

Is it the same for all princesses around the world?

Whose roots have been diluted by society and replaced by its demands and expectations on how they should adore themselves

What has happened to the world?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SIX

Insecurities burn her and take her to the ground

She wonders in judgement, what trials await her

What tribulations will stumble her?

Is it a test of some sort?

Of strength, of perseverance

If she passes will all be well

How will she feel: triumphant, invincible, untouchable?

She does not want to love in that way

She does not want to go back there

Her life is a roundabout

Each cycle inevitable to be repeated

Finally she has the will to love again but she does not want to love that way

With a soft murmur she thinks back and feels a sudden sense of accomplishment

Has she finally learnt how to love?

To be sincere, to be honest with her feelings

But has the love have to like this

She does not want to love in that way

Will the insecurities ever cease?

Because she does not want to love in that way

It all suddenly becomes overwhelming to her

She shouts out and calls out in search for that which gives peace

That which grants the promise of fulfillment and serenity

Ultimate fulfillment and not instant gratification

Questions fill her head and she seeks to make an understanding out of it all

She does not want to love in that way

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SEVEN

The sad reign of the beast called Man

He savages the earth, scavenging innocence

He walks in the plains seeking chaos

With no heart left Man sets ablaze the beliefs of their fellow

She gasps in turmoil at the thought

The war ravages destroying bonds

Of friendship and love

Family and relations

Master and servant

Man thirsts for power

It fuels him to cause more damage than good

More ill will than goodwill

Where is her place in all this?

Where is a princess’ place in all this?

Her innocence robbed

Her heart torn to shreds

Her mind corrupted

And her soul scarred for life

All because of Man’s wretchedness and treachery to their own kind

If they show such cruelty to their own

Then what of the animals, the trees, the birds and the earth itself

Are they spared?

She sighs and wishes the world was a better place especially for humanity

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

EIGHT

She twists and turns, sighs and moans in frustration and uncertainty

Her frustration slowly makes her feel vulnerable and open

All in anticipation as she looks at the phone

Just a text she desires if a call be too much

Just anything maybe a quick beep

To acknowledge her worth

To take away that growing lonely feeling

Her heart falls short of ease

Her skin itches in irritable uncertainty

All for the call that never was

The text that never arrived

The beep that never came

She feels at a loss for sleep

Why do all her worries have to come at night?

A day has come and about to be no more

Will he ever dial that number?

Her number

Will she experience that tickling excitement if he decides to call

Or all her expectation and hope has faded and left a deep rejection in its place

And the much anticipated conversation will not be as thrilling

She switches it off of for some time

Better not know if he eventually decided to make the call

Than stare at the phone and wonder why it is so

Sadly after just a minute she switches it

Like the