everything that's happened is because you </3 - Elmolovesmehh :D (ebook reader below 3000 .txt) 📗

Pain
I could have done it, what stopped mehh? I slowly reached for the knife. I had it in my hand, and I brought it up to my neck. I had already slit my wrist the night before. I had already felt the pain of the cold sharp razor blade. The razor blade as cold as my lies. The razor blade as cold as my pain filled cries. So why didn't I do it? And why does no one understand mehh? When I talk about the pain she feels inside, I’m really talking about mehh. When you guys laugh about the scars on my wrist...know now there's a new one on my leg.


everyday she thinks I’m not pretty I don’t deserve to be alive, its hard to smile to herself everyday and say oh I’m pretty because she knows she’s not. She considers ending her life everyday. Every hour of everyday, seconds, minutes...not you or anyone can change that. Simply because no one tries no one cares and everyone just wishes that she would die. It brings tears to her eyes everyday she cries. The people she loves always bring up her mistakes… she’s giving up hope… she’s loosing the battle....one scar after another….one fake smile after a lie.. .she doesn’t have anyone to turn to...she has friends but none she can confide to... for she fears, if she were to tell someone that that'd put her away, lock her up forever and there'd be nothing she cold say. The razor blade is hidden, not much to say, mistakes are mistakes...they ruin her day....her life will soon be over. Everything will be okay… that’s why she writes these notes, just to say ...this is the end but she still loves everyone, so she’ll never let go…even when she’s gone.


True feelings
Everyday I want to die. I know every cut I make will bring me Closer too death, effect mehh more than two days ago. I’m tired Of crying, and slowly I’m dying… I’m tired of seeing a new scar every night. I’m done being depressed all the time. It’s driving Mehh insane and I’m slipping away. I’m tired of those dreams That pushes me to the edge… so real where I make every one
Think that I am ok….. And then it ends with Razorblade, blood, tears and a goodbye.


I love you, with all my heart
I wish I could be there with you
To bad…I am not
I want to see you do every thing
I miss not seeing your face every day and hearing
You say a hundred times a day “I love you baby”
I know that you’ve moved on And now you just don’t care… but I need you Understand. I need you; I still wish you needed me I wish you wanted me but you don’t…….. Because you Let go of me, when you promised you would Never.


I’m still in love
Lets face it, we both know it’s true...I’m still in love with you. You don’t get it. All those tears I cried. You don’t understand why I can’t let our love die. I never want to let you go, we can be friends...that will never be enough, but still I’d do anything for you….ill be there for you all the time, cause baby I won’t say goodbye. You can cry on my shoulder when she breaks your heart…you can talk to me and ill listen to whenever everyone’s blaming you. And baby I promise when your about to fall ill catch you. I’ll wipe your tears away when you’re feeling down and even though you don’t love me like you used to, ill hold you all night when you’re in pain. baby you'll never have to go a second in your life thinking that no one cares and no one loves you...cause all you got to do is remember I love you, I’m in love with you and I’ll never leave you. Even when your getting ready for your date ill be there and tell you, you look great she’s a lucky girl and I hope she knows that. I just want you to be happy.


Before you
I used to think of death & suicide
Then I meant you before you I didn’t care
If the world blew up & everyone died
I wouldn’t give a damn if we all exploded
It would just be another event, I never shed a tear
I never loved anyone before you
I just sat in my room alone & wished for death
My blood went thin, from the lost
You seen my scars & instantly cared
You rushed to my side & begged mehh not to do it You didn’t know mehh But you wanted too, I must have warned you a million times I told you my life was over before it begun… No one even cared about mehh as much as you
It never made sense for you too love mehh Because I never even loved myself, in the beginning I didn’t care
I pushed you away and you always came back Before you, I didn’t give a damn Thank you, you’re the reason I’m alive.


Loved mehh
You said that you loved mehh You said that you needed mehh You said that you would never leave mehh You said…when I cry you cry When I smile, you smile When I laugh, you laugh. When I’m sad, you’re sad Because of everything I went through in the past, I didn’t believe you… I walked away And you cried. You said I need you and for Once in my life it was true, you needed Mehh and I needed you.


Cried a river
I try to understand how you could…. Say I will never let you go. But you did You said if I ever lost you, I would die But you’re still breathing. You said I would
Never hurt you. But you hurt mehh and you Said… you will never have to cry a single Tear for mehh… but I didn’t have to cry a single Tear… for you, I had to cry a river.


I miss….
I miss being the little girl that everyone smiled at, I miss when the only time that I would cry was when my mom and dad yelled at mehh for drawing on the walls, the only time I felt pain was when I fell, I miss having my friends right by my side, when life was easy.. .it wasn't complicated. Everything was handed to mehh and I didn't have to do anything myself. My mom and dad were always there for mehh, my siblings always fought for mehh…then mehh and my brothers and sisters had those stupid fights over nothing and then we would make up and be a family again. I miss it when I wasn't always sad when I could smile and it was real when I was honestly truly loved. When the scariest thought I ever had was that there was a monster hiding under my bed or a monster in my closet. I miss every time you read that story to mehh, how you looked into my eyes and said you love mehh. I miss it when the dumbest fight mehh and my parents had was when I was throwing my food on the floor. I miss it when the only night mare I had was moving to a new school and leaving my friends behind. I miss how we would count the stars and make a wish. I miss how when I screamed you were always there to calm me down. And most of all what I miss is when everything was okay, when we had no secrets and I told you everything... why can't it be like that?


Leave me
Please please go away if don’t want to live
Another day but with you standing there its
Impossible to say goodbye. I wish that you
Would break that promise you made and please
Just say goodbye.


Darkness in my heart…
It doesn’t matter who you are
Or where I am, whether I’m in
The dark crying or pretending to
Smile in the light. If you
Love mehh or not. Even if
You’re a mistake or a blessing
When I’m in the light,
It feels like I’m in the dark….
Because in truth all these years,
The dark has become my heart.


Understand mehh.
I wish there was someone who understood my tears I want someone to walk with mehh side by side while we each whisper to each other that it will be okay and we will make it... Someone who would yell at me when I picked up the razorblade and know what it feels like... To want to cut so bad and having the burden of having to fight the urge when in reality you just want to slice your neck and cut your wrist with it... I need someone who I could tell anything and they could help mehh... I’ve always wanted someone to be there to wipe away my tears but when I was crying no one came.... I want someone to finally hear me screaming my heart out and not walk away... Someone who will smile and say ill never let go...and be there till the end. I’m begging for a person any person to come to my rescue. .be a hero save my life... I told you about my cuts and made you promise not to tell a single soul although I was secretly hoping that you would go against me and tell everyone...I told you about committing suicide one day and you didn’t beg mehh not to...you call that love?... I want to tell everyone I know but the truth is I’m too scared... I’m scared because the secret I shared with you was the most important one ever. And you’re the only one who knows about the pain. ..the secret you know makes me feel ashamed and one of these days its going to drive me to suicide......so be prepared to say goodbye or you could be like every other person I’ve ever loved and just walk away and when you find out I died...from suicide...you wont even cry.


Acid.
I don’t want someone to feel pity for mehh just because you see mehh cry. You look into my eyes and see the hint of a goodbye you see mehh laughing with my friends...it’s not the same. ..It’s not real it’s pathetic. I look into a mirror and I see shame within my smile, and then it follows the path of my tears and lands in the blood...my blood. It falls on the cuts on my wrist and it feels like acid and as it brings my sorrow it whispers...pain pain be ashamed you deserve to die because the only way you deal is by permantely marking your wrist...you deserve to die.. You were never meant to be alive…


For Marcus…
It doesn’t matter how many times I wish on a shooting star, how many times I pray... how many times I lie to myself by saying I’m ok no star will ever have enough magic to make my dream come true. No matter how many seconds I keep my eyes closed begging the lord to let me have you. that’s something he’ll never do so forgive mehh for my tears when I think of mehh and you, even though I know I’ve lost you forever...In a way you'll always be mine, but we will never be... still every time I