Looking Through My Eyes - Kayla Stiles (best self help books to read .TXT) 📗

heavy motions,

Tears raining from her eyes,

She slashes at her wrists,

Her arms, her legs, her face.

She slashes at her breast and

Her stomach.

Everything he ever told her

That he loved about her.

She slashes at it all.

Destroying the supposed “beauty”

He claimed to have seen in her.

All of it,

She destroys it all.

She despises who she is,

Despises everything about herself,

Her face, her personality,

Everything!

She despises herself for what she is.

She slashes more and more,

And more and more of her blood drops

Shatter onto the ground.

She’s all alone, and now,

She’s dead… still alone.

Diary Entries of a Hope-Lost Daughter

Isolation

3/26/14

 

She sits in the forest,

Alone and isolated from the rest of the world.

The middle of Autumn.

The crisp, cool breeze rustles the trees’ leaves

Of vibrant reds, mellow yellows, and great greens.

She sits alone, thinking, just thinking.

Thinking about the past,

Contemplating the present,

Mesmerized by thoughts of the future.

The still-green tree stump

Rooted underneath her rump,

Her only stability.

The whispering trees and cold breeze,

Her only companions,

The only ones to hear her cries.

She feels alone, isolated from the whole world.

As though she’s all alone and no one else is there.

No one there for her in her time of need.

Sunken deep in the muds of utter depression,

Drowning in the pool of despair,

She’s no idea what to do next.

Who to believe, who to listen to.

She’s alone, and no one will hear her screams of anguish,

Her tortured cries and body-wracking sobs.

She’s all alone, lost in her world of isolation.

Will anyone save her?

Can anyone even attempt to?

F**k off Version 2

Fuck Off Version 2

 

Covering me face as I walk down the hall,

I hear your snickers, I hear them all.

My hand goes to my wrist to hide the scars

The razor blade makes, I see the stars.

I once was a light, now I’m a shadow.

I once was the day, now I’m the night.

I once was happy, now in my sorrow I wallow.

You killed my joy, you sent me to flight.

You kick me to the ground, and throw sand in my face.

You put me on a rack, and tear me limb from limb.

Your back stabs are like a knife wound to my face.

I will never belong here, I’m always standing on the rim

Of the world, any second I will plummet to my death.

I shall forever feel the reek of the demon’s breath.

Why, to you, am I nothing more than shit to crush?

Why the fuck do you treat me like a crutch?

You use me, break me, and in the dirt you throw me.

You kick me, hurt me, make me bleed.

You see these scars, you laugh at me.

As I lie there in the dust, tearfully make I a nasty creed

To watch you die and hear you scream.

To make you feel what I always feel.

You will wish, as I do, that this was just a dream.

But, in truth, it’s nothing more than the hand Fate to me did deal.

Her Betrayal

Her Betrayal </3

9/6/11

 

She walks alone down the halls,

A pale, eerie shadow of a girl.

Nothing more, nothing less.

And that’s all she is to Her,

The one who hurt her. Ashley.

All she is to Ashley,

Is a ghost of a friend,

A shadow of Her past.

Ashley no longer cares

About the girl who was once

Her best friend, Her fallback, Her sister.

Now this pale girl

Matters no more to Ashley

Than a piece of trash might matter.

Her advice,

Might as well just be

A whisper on the wind,

Mere words flung at a brick wall.

But now it’s her turn to retaliate,

It’s her turn to make Ashley hurt.

She walks down the halls now,

Head bent low in preparation,

Body draped in black cloth.

The sun glints off of

The silver dagger in her right hand.

She approaches room 333,

With a sparkle of murder in her black eyes,

She opens the door and watches as her black boots

Cross the threshold and walks straight to Ashley.

Ashley stands there, frozen,

Quivering and quaking like a frightened Chihuahua.

The girl raises her arm,

Exposing the dagger to the rest of the room.

Ashley screams shrilly

As the girl brings the glittering blade down quickly,

And cuts into Ashley’s soft flesh.

Ashley’s screams are cut short

As the dagger slices through Her vocal cords.

Arterial blood sprays everywhere

As Her ceratoid artery is severed.

No more will She tell Her lies,

No more will She betray her.

No more will She hurt her.

No more will She USE her!

The girl looms over Ashley

As Ashley takes Her last dying breath,

As the light slowly leaves Her eyes.

As Ashley lays there on the floor,

Dead, in a puddle of Her own blood,

The girl laughs hysterically, then begins to cry

At the deed she has just done.

She looks down at the ring on her finger,

The friendship ring she’d gotten from Ashley.

She begins to cry harder with loss and hurt,

But not with guilt. No, not with guilt.

Her Inner Tears

Isolation

3/26/14

 

She sits in the forest,

Alone and isolated from the rest of the world.

The middle of Autumn.

The crisp, cool breeze rustles the trees’ leaves

Of vibrant reds, mellow yellows, and great greens.

She sits alone, thinking, just thinking.

Thinking about the past,

Contemplating the present,

Mesmerized by thoughts of the future.

The still-green tree stump

Rooted underneath her rump,

Her only stability.

The whispering trees and cold breeze,

Her only companions,

The only ones to hear her cries.

She feels alone, isolated from the whole world.

As though she’s all alone and no one else is there.

No one there for her in her time of need.

Sunken deep in the muds of utter depression,

Drowning in the pool of despair,

She’s no idea what to do next.

Who to believe, who to listen to.

She’s alone, and no one will hear her screams of anguish,

Her tortured cries and body-wracking sobs.

She’s all alone, lost in her world of isolation.

Will anyone save her?

Can anyone even attempt to?

I am dead. No one gives a sh*t.

I am dead, No one gives a shit!

4/27/10

 

Salt dampens my jeans, my shirt, my face.

The flow is relentless, never ending.

Everyone oblivious, nobody seeing. A

Vixen, my friend, the only one to see my pain.

Even though tears stain my face, no one notices.

                           No one cares.

He stole my heart, then trampled on it.

As though I had no feelings, psychopathic.

Since he said goodbye, I haven’t been able to stay happy for long.

            No man can ever love, ever feel.

Demolish, unhinge, desert me.

Erase the sutures that once held my already-ravaged heart together.

Sever my life-line, my blood flow.

Transparent though I may be, I was never invisible to you.

Reverse this pain, I would if I could, but too much pain exchanged to

Overturn this cruel, demeaning verdict.

Yet no one can hear my anguished screams of torture, no one could

Ever save me from the tormenting hell I’ve created for myself.

Despite the love we once shared, it was never meant to be.

                 No promises are kept.

My blown-apart heart will forever be the gaping wound that never heals.

Everything that was once good has dispersed.

 

                I am forsaken. I am dead.

I Need You...

I Need You…

6/5/13

 

The tears stream down my face, as the razor blades used to ride over my arms a couple years ago.

He’s gone now. Only wants me as a friend.

Says he misses me. Says he still loves me. He still cares.

I don’t know what to really believe anymore…

My heart is shattered. My mind is destroyed.

My thoughts keep leading back to him and it makes me feel sick.

I’ve been crying since about 10 Monday night.

On and off, on and off.

It never goes away, this feeling of hopelessness.

This feeling of being alone.

This neverending feeling of loss and disappointment..

I’m alone now. With no arms of comfort to surround me.

At least not from the one whose arms I want around me.

I can’t earn any more kisses from the one whose kisses I ache for.

I cry for the warmth of the man whose love I need.

I cry for the love in his arms,

The care in his hugs and kisses