Looking Through My Eyes - Kayla Stiles (best self help books to read .TXT) 📗

is numbed for the time being.

A quick slit, a lasting sting,

And my heart can finally breathe again.

I hold you tightly in my grasp,

And marvel at how something so small, so ordinary,

Could bring to me such relief,

Such blissful release.

Release from the pain of my day.

Release from the feelings of not belonging anywhere,

Of not being welcomed by anyone.

It’s only temporary, never permanent.

Your fingerprints are all that remain behind,

Fading ever so slowly from my legs.

Your loving caresses leave behind such lasting impressions,

That which make it difficult to wear

Anything other than jeans for a while,

Lest someone should see

The shadows your fingers leave behind

After each of our passionately feverish sessions.

But I don’t worry much about it.

No, not at all.

Because, in those dark and lonely moments,

I find the price to be well worth

The resulting inner peace.

The very touch of your silvery skin

Clears my head of all the violent thoughts,

Silences all the angered, disparaging voices.

When you put your hands on me,

Everything becomes clear for a time,

And all the pain just seems to dissipate,

Leaving behind a moment of clarity,

A feeling of safety.

Your not-so-gentle hands

Shred apart my tortured flesh

And bring the blood out

From underneath the skin of my limbs.

You cause the juicy red fluid

To trickle down my legs,

Making a tiny stream of its own.

An instant of crystalline beauty and serenity.

Your very touch gives me the highest of highs.

Your fingerprints cleans me of the day’s distresses—

Not feeling welcome, at home, at peace;

Dealing with all these dark memories

Harbored deep inside.

Locked away tightly in a box.

Never to be unleashed again—

Every time our lips touch,

And the love-making begins,

You make me a promise to never let go,

To always love me, for me, forever and

Always be there by my side,

Come whatever may.

You whisper such sweet, doe-eyed words

Of love and lust to me,

To my very time-hardened heart,

By way of the gaping wounds you inflict upon me.

You make me a vow to take away all the pain.

To one day kiss my shaky limbs

And take my very breath away.

To one day heal every wound—

Spiritual, Mental, Emotional,…. And Physical—

That has ever been done unto me.

You make me the everlasting, everloving promise

Of one day finally bringing to me pure happiness and joy,

And relieving me of all my inner woes.

All my demons and emotional agonies

Associated with not belonging anywhere.

You promise me eternity.

And I know that you, above all others, actually mean it.

I trust you, I feel safe with you.

I love you…

Despite all the scars your sharp edges cause.

I love you…

Despite all else screaming at me that I shouldn’t.

I love you…

Because your familiar sharp blade and metal grip

Bring me a feeling of peace and tranquility and release.

That ability that which I’ve yet to be able to find in another person.

I love you…

Because you hurt me,

But because, too, you take the pain away.

I love you…

 

The Sleeping Princess

 

The PeaceMaker (PeaceKeeper)

10/29/14

By Kayla Stiles

 

Your cold, unfeeling skin touches upon mine

And suddenly my pain is numbed for the time being.

A quick slit, a lasting sting,

And my heart can finally breathe again.

I hold you tightly in my grasp,

And marvel at how something so small, so ordinary,

Could bring to me such relief,

Such blissful release.

Release from the pain of my day.

Release from the feelings of not belonging anywhere,

Of not being welcomed by anyone.

It’s only temporary, never permanent.

Your fingerprints are all that remain behind,

Fading ever so slowly from my legs.

Your loving caresses leave behind such lasting impressions,

That which make it difficult to wear

Anything other than jeans for a while,

Lest someone should see

The shadows your fingers leave behind

After each of our passionately feverish sessions.

But I don’t worry much about it.

No, not at all.

Because, in those dark and lonely moments,

I find the price to be well worth

The resulting inner peace.

The very touch of your silvery skin

Clears my head of all the violent thoughts,

Silences all the angered, disparaging voices.

When you put your hands on me,

Everything becomes clear for a time,

And all the pain just seems to dissipate,

Leaving behind a moment of clarity,

A feeling of safety.

Your not-so-gentle hands

Shred apart my tortured flesh

And bring the blood out

From underneath the skin of my limbs.

You cause the juicy red fluid

To trickle down my legs,

Making a tiny stream of its own.

An instant of crystalline beauty and serenity.

Your very touch gives me the highest of highs.

Your fingerprints cleans me of the day’s distresses—

Not feeling welcome, at home, at peace;

Dealing with all these dark memories

Harbored deep inside.

Locked away tightly in a box.

Never to be unleashed again—

Every time our lips touch,

And the love-making begins,

You make me a promise to never let go,

To always love me, for me, forever and

Always be there by my side,

Come whatever may.

You whisper such sweet, doe-eyed words

Of love and lust to me,

To my very time-hardened heart,

By way of the gaping wounds you inflict upon me.

You make me a vow to take away all the pain.

To one day kiss my shaky limbs

And take my very breath away.

To one day heal every wound—

Spiritual, Mental, Emotional,…. And Physical—

That has ever been done unto me.

You make me the everlasting, everloving promise

Of one day finally bringing to me pure happiness and joy,

And relieving me of all my inner woes.

All my demons and emotional agonies

Associated with not belonging anywhere.

You promise me eternity.

And I know that you, above all others, actually mean it.

I trust you, I feel safe with you.

I love you…

Despite all the scars your sharp edges cause.

I love you…

Despite all else screaming at me that I shouldn’t.

I love you…

Because your familiar sharp blade and metal grip

Bring me a feeling of peace and tranquility and release.

That ability that which I’ve yet to be able to find in another person.

I love you…

Because you hurt me,

But because, too, you take the pain away.

I love you…

 

The Truth

The Truth

4/10/12

 

You think you see me,

But you really don’t.

You don’t see this crippled soul,

This shattered body,

That lies naked on the floor.

You don’t see this tortured flesh,

Cowering in the deepest shadows of all.

You see what you want to see,

What I want you to see!

You see a happy girl,

Whole and intact.

You see a bright smile,

A supposedly beautiful face

Half hidden under a mess

Of golden blonde hair.

You see a child of the light.

But you will never see

The truth.

You will never see the pain that

Lies behind those blue eyes.

You’ll never see the heartache,

Hidden deep behind that bright smile.

You want to know why you’ll

Never see the truth behind the lies?

It’s because you are all angels, with beautiful

Wings and wonderful souls.

You have no need to worry about

A demon hiding in your midst.

You have no need to worry

About what goes wrong

In my life.

You have your own problems

To deal with.

My issues, and my problems,

Should be of none of your concern.

You have your whole lives ahead of you.

I may only live for a while longer.

At least my body will.

For my heart has long-since died inside.

I am damaged, and I am broken,

And there’s nothing

That anyone can do about it.

The Whispered Lies

The Whispered Lies

4/24/12

 

You sit on a small clump of exposed tree roots,

Curled up into the side of the massive weeping willow.

Her beautiful drooping branches sway gently in the wind,

And cover you from view from anyone else.

It’s just how you like it.

The wind gently sweeps your hair back and forth

In front of your face.

The gentle swaying of the black strands,

And the coolness of the breeze,

And the comfort of the tree,

Cause your eyes to beings to slowly close as,

Gently, you are lulled into a light doze.

You wake up suddenly and the hour is beginning to grow late.

You don’t know how long you’ve been sleeping.

Maybe only a couple minutes, maybe a few hours.

All you know is that the sun has begun to

Slowly drop below the reach of the trees,

Down, down, down behind the vast purple mountains in the distance.

You hear a loud crack, as that of someone stepping on a small branch.

Startled, you jump up from your small nook,

Your long black skirt falling past your feet,

The hem pooling on the ground.

Scared, you lift up your skirt hem off the ground,

And begin to push through the drooping branches of the Mother Willow.

Frantic to get out of the reach of the foreign invader,

It’s as though the branches snag and grab at you,

Trying to hold you back.

Fearfully, you cry out and yank yourself

Out from the tree’s clutches.

The sounds of snapping branches continues,

Growing closer and closer.

Suddenly, you look behind you, and out from the clutter of trees,

Illuminated by the red light of the setting sun,

Steps a black mass.

It is neither man nor creature.

It has fur as black as night,

And eyes red as a maraschino cherry.

Yet it stands erect on legs like a man’s.

Its arms reach down to its knees,

Massive, sharp-as-a-razor claws extending from the tips of the fingers.

Terrified, you turn around and start to race back towards safety.

You hear the creature pick up speed and begin to race after you.

The sun is now just above the horizon.

It will be dark within minutes.

The woods fill with whispered voices,

Telling you to run, that it will eat you,

That nobody like you anyway.

You scream at them to go away,

Fear making your voice sound high and unlike your own.

Tree branches reach out to snag at your clothes,

Roots rise from the ground to trip you up.

Suddenly, your feet catch on a loose root and

You stumble and fall on your hands and knees.

You sit there on your hands and knees,

Listening to the sound of your heavy breathing.

Suddenly the sound of your breathing

Is covered by the sound of snapping twigs

And crashing branches.

The footsteps are slow and deliberate.

Suddenly, he’s right behind you,

Not even 3 feet from your paralyzed body,

Crouched there in the grips of fear.

Your voice hitches as tears fill your eyes.

The thing laughs at your terror.

The touch of its long claws

Scrapes along your spine.

You shiver and cry out in pain.

But no matter how much you urge

Your muscles to move,

Tell your legs to stand up and carry you far away to safety,

You’re locked in a paralysis and you can do nothing

But sit there, transfixed by unknown forces.

You wait with baited breath as you hear

Its cold, harsh laughter.

You look into