Life of St Teresa of Jesus - Teresa of Avila (classic books for 11 year olds TXT) 📗
- Author: Teresa of Avila
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5. When I was staying with that lady of whom I have been
speaking, [1] it happened to me once when I was suffering from my
heart,—for, as I have said, [2] I suffered greatly at one time,
though not so much now,—that she, being a person of great
charity, brought out her jewels set in gold, and precious stones
of great price, and particularly a diamond, which she valued very
much. She thought this might amuse me; but I laughed to myself,
and was very sorry to see what men made much of; for I thought of
what our Lord had laid up for us, and considered how impossible
it was for me, even if I made the effort, to have any
appreciation whatever of such things, provided our Lord did not
permit me to forget what He was keeping for us.
6. A soul in this state attains to a certain freedom, which is so
complete that none can understand it who does not possess it.
It is a real and true detachment, independent of our efforts; God
effects it all Himself; for His Majesty reveals the truth in such
a way, that it remains so deeply impressed on our souls as to
make it clear that we of ourselves could not thus acquire it in
so short a time.
7. The fear of death, also, was now very slight in me, who had
always been in great dread of it; now it seems to me that death
is a very light thing for one who serves God, because the soul is
in a moment delivered thereby out of its prison, and at rest.
This elevation of the spirit, and the vision of things so high,
in these trances seem to me to have a great likeness to the
flight of the soul from the body, in that it finds itself in a
moment in the possession of these good things. We put aside the
agonies of its dissolution, of which no great account is to be
made; for they who love God in truth, and are utterly detached
from the things of this life, must die with the
greater sweetness.
8. It seems to me, also, that the rapture was a great help to
recognise our true home, and to see that we are pilgrims
here; [3] it is a great thing to see what is going on there and
to know where we have to live; for if a person has to go and
settle in another country, it is a great help to him, in
undergoing the fatigues of his journey, that he has discovered it
to be a country where he may live in the most perfect peace.
Moreover, it makes it easy for us to think of the things of
heaven, and to have our conversation there. [4] It is a great
gain, because the mere looking up to heaven makes the soul
recollected; for as our Lord has been pleased to reveal heaven in
some degree, my soul dwells upon it in thought; and it happens
occasionally that they who are about me, and with whom I find
consolation, are those whom I know to be living in heaven, and
that I look upon them only as really alive; while those who are
on earth are so dead, that the whole world seems unable to
furnish me with companions, particularly when these impetuosities
of love are upon me. Everything seems a dream, and what I see
with the bodily eyes an illusion. What I have seen with the eyes
of the soul is that which my soul desires; and as it finds itself
far away from those things, that is death.
9. In a word, it is a very great mercy which our Lord gives to
that soul to which He grants the like visions, for they help it
in much, and also in carrying a heavy cross, since nothing
satisfies it, and everything is against it; and if our Lord did
not now and then suffer these visions to be forgotten, though
they recur again and again to the memory, I know not how life
could be borne. May He be blessed and praised for ever and ever!
I implore His Majesty by that Blood which His Son shed for me,
now that, of His good pleasure, I know something of these great
blessings, and begin to have the fruition of them, that it may
not be with me as it was with Lucifer, who by his own fault
forfeited it all. I beseech Thee, for Thine own sake, not to
suffer this; for I am at times in great fear, though at others,
and most frequently, the mercy of God reassures me, for He who
has delivered me from so many sins will not withdraw His hand
from under me, and let me be lost. I pray you, my father, to beg
this grace for me always.
10. The mercies, then, hitherto described, are not, in my
opinion, so great as those which I am now going to speak of, on
many accounts, because of the great blessings they have brought
with them, and because of the great fortitude which my soul
derived from them; and yet every one separately considered is so
great, that there is nothing to be compared with them.
11. One day—it was the eve of Pentecost—I went after Mass to a
very lonely spot, where I used to pray very often, and began to
read about the feast in the book of a Carthusian; [5] and reading
of the marks by which beginners, proficients, and the perfect may
know that they have the Holy Ghost, it seemed to me, when I had
read of these three states, that by the goodness of God, so far
as I could understand, the Holy Ghost was with me. I praised God
for it; and calling to mind how on another occasion, when I read
this, I was very deficient,—for I saw most distinctly at that
time how deficient I was then from what I saw I was now,—I
recognised herein the great mercy of our Lord to me, and so began
to consider the place which my sins had earned for me in hell,
and praised God exceedingly, because it seemed as if I did not
know my own soul again, so great a change had come over it.
12. While thinking of these things, my soul was carried away with
extreme violence, and I knew not why. It seemed as if it would
have gone forth out of the body, for it could not contain itself,
nor was it able to hope for so great a good. The impetuosity was
so excessive that I had no power left, and, as I think, different
from what I had been used to. I knew not what ailed my soul, nor
what it desired, for it was so changed. I leaned for support,
for I could not sit, because my natural strength had
utterly failed.
13. Then I saw over my head a dove, very different from those we
usually see, for it had not the same plumage, but wings formed of
small shells shining brightly. It was larger than an ordinary
dove; I thought I heard the rustling of its wings. It hovered
above me during the space of an Ave Maria. But such was the
state of my soul, that in losing itself it lost also the sight of
the dove. My spirit grew calm with such a guest; and yet, as I
think, a grace so wonderful might have disturbed and frightened
it; and as it began to rejoice in the vision, it was delivered
from all fear, and with the joy came peace, my soul continuing
entranced. The joy of this rapture was exceedingly great; and
for the rest of that festal time I was so amazed and bewildered
that I did not know what I was doing, nor how I could have
received so great a grace. I neither heard nor saw anything, so
to speak, because of my great inward joy. From that day forth I
perceived in myself a very great progress in the highest love of
God, together with a great increase in the strength of my
virtues. May He be blessed and praised for ever! Amen.
14. On another occasion I saw that very dove above the head of
one of the Dominican fathers; but it seemed to me that the rays
and brightness of the wings were far greater. I understood by
this that he was to draw souls unto God.
15. At another time I saw our Lady putting a cope of exceeding
whiteness on that Licentiate of the same Order, of whom I have
made mention more than once. [6] She told me that she gave him
that cope in consideration of the service he had rendered her by
helping to found this house, [7] that it was a sign that she
would preserve his soul pure for the future, and that he should
not fall into mortal sin. I hold it for certain that so it came
to pass, for he died within a few years; his death and the rest
of his life were so penitential, his whole life and death so
holy, that, so far as anything can be known, there cannot be a
doubt on the subject. One of the friars present at his death
told me that, before he breathed his last, he said to him that
St. Thomas was with him. [8] He died in great joy, longing to
depart out of this land of exile.
16. Since then he has appeared to me more than once in
exceedingly great glory, and told me certain things. He was so
given to prayer, that when he was dying, and would have
interrupted it if he could because of his great weakness, he was
not able to do so; for he was often in a trance. He wrote to me
not long before he died, and asked me what he was to do; for as
soon as he had said Mass he fell into a trance which lasted a
long time, and which he could not hinder. At last God gave him
the reward of the many services of his whole life.
17. I had certain visions, too, of the great graces which our
Lord bestowed upon that rector of the Society of Jesus, of whom I
have spoken already more than once; [9] but I will not say
anything of them now, lest I should be too tedious. It was his
lot once to be in great trouble, to suffer great persecution and
distress. One day, when I was hearing Mass, I saw Christ on the
Cross at the elevation of the Host. He spoke certain words to
me, which I was to repeat to that father for his comfort,
together with others, which were to warn him beforehand of what
was coming, and to remind him of what He had suffered on his
behalf, and that he must prepare for suffering. This gave him
great consolation and courage; and everything came to pass
afterwards as our Lord had told me.
18. I have seen great things of members of the Order to which
this father belongs, which is the Society of Jesus, and of the
whole Order itself; I have occasionally seen them in heaven with
white banners in their hands, and I have had other most wonderful
visions, as I am saying, about them, and therefore have a great
veneration for this Order; for I have had a great deal to do with
those who are of it, and I see that their lives
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