My Girl - Lovebug (distant reading TXT) 📗

Today was the day that I would tell him, that he would know. Skipping to my house, I imagined the day ahead. The way he'd smile when he found out, and how he'll hug me, making me feel like I was the only one for him. I smiled to myself, feeling a rush of joy, it was probably because my emotions were in a wreck these past few months but I didn't care. I didn't want this day to end; I wanted to feel the rush of happiness and the feeling of security and warmth. Finally I saw the hot pink house that I called my own, even though I wasn't the one who paid the bills or bought the food. As I opened the door, my mom was cooking dinner and my dad was reading his boring newspapers, the sport section. Sniffing the air, I smiled at the recognizing smell of spiced chicken dipped in a tomato sauce, and rice and beans. My mouth drooled and I couldn't help giggling. My mom came out of the kitchen, wiping her hands with the dish towel.

"Have you told him yet?" She asked.

I shook my head, "not yet, but I'm visiting him today, so that's probably when I'll tell him." My mom had that worried look in her eyes, and I grabbed her hands, "he'll be all for it, don't worry."

She didn't say anything but nod. I sighed again and kissed her in the cheeks and went to my room. I had so many things to do, dress, clean, and look fabulous. Opening my closet, I grabbed the light green shirt that Michel loved so much, and the navy blue skinny jeans that looked perfect with it. I smiled sadly at myself as I looked at the tight skinny jeans and the green shirt that fit me so well and I couldn't help thinking, "well you won’t be fitting me very soon my little beauties."
I started putting them on, loving the way my green shirt showed almost all of my back and how my skinny jeans hugged every curve in my body. I suddenly felt alert and I couldn't help checking my Mickey Mouse clock that was on my bed, and realized I was late. I couldn't help but scream, as I started running downstairs. I felt another burst of excitement as I rushed out the door and started running towards his house.
It was only a few blocks away now since we moved to his community three years ago. As I reached his place, I took a deep breath and started walking towards his house. All of a sudden fear washed over me, all of my mom’s concerns entered my mind and I was too scared to even move an inch. Luckily for me, Michel always seemed to know when I was here, so he was already opening the door. I forced myself to take short steps, telling myself I was being ridiculous. He looked at me, shock and amazement all over his face. But that wasn't what made me feel completely confident as I walked towards him; it was the desire in his eyes and the complete adoration he had for me.
Taking my time to seduce him, I let his eyes explore my body and finally he lifted me up and hugged me and then buried his head in my neck and deeply took in my scent. He froze suddenly and pulled back, "you smell different."

I shrugged "I didn't put on perfume this morning, or deodorant."

I fought the urge to smell my armpits; I wanted today to be a special day for us. And he was the one who always told me he hated me wearing anything that made me less natural to him, I wore it in school, but around him, I didn't feel the need to.
He smiled at me, "and what is this special occasion that made you dress up this way?" He didn't say it rudely, or mockingly, it was just a pure curiosity that I didn't get. I grabbed his hand, not really knowing what to say and led him away from his house.
"Can we take a walk somewhere, anywhere."
He took my hand, and hugged me again, and then he finally let me go. "Lead the way my queen".

We walked in silence and I didn't want to break it, I was afraid of what his answer might be. He stopped and he looked at me, searching my eyes when he couldn't figure out what was on my mind. I looked down, suddenly feeling an overwhelming feeling to cry. He lifted my chin gently, so I could look at him straight in the eyes, and tears just started coming down. Michel kissed each one of them, making me blush, and finally kissed my lips, making me forget about what I wanted to say. All I wanted was to feel his lips against mine.
Breaking away, he looked at me, his eyes filled with such an intense hunger that it made me shiver. "What did you want to tell me?" He asked, his voice hoarse and husky.
"I'm pregnant", I blurted out, not being able to contain myself and pressing my cheeks on his hand. I felt his body tighten, and I started stiffening as he backed away. I felt scared all over again as he look at me, the look of pure horror in his eyes

"How far along are you?" He asked, not bothering to even fake the sound of excitement.

"One month exactly", I said, wrapping my arms around my body. I no longer wanted to be here, I just wanted to go home. He didn't say anything for a moment and he turned away from me, making me feel so much pain.

"I love you Kiss", he said, and I felt an overwhelming feeling of relief. Again, I started day dreaming about how we would be together, how we'd be a family. He started speaking again and I almost screamed for him to keep on talking about how we'd be together. He looked at me, "but I can’t take care of it", he said barley keeping the hate from his voice.
"IT,it" I was starting to choke, so much that I couldn't stop. He tried to help me but I just pushed him away, trying to calm myself down. Anger was just building up in my body, becoming more and more powerful. I couldn't believe he called our baby an IT, like it was a monster, something non-human. I balled my hands into fists and drew deep breaths whenever I could and finally the choking stopped. "The baby's not an it, it’s not a monster or whatever you think it is. You put him inside of me, and now you’re acting like I have the most horrible thing in the world in my belly."
I started walking away and then I turned back around, "don’t come looking for me Michael, when you don’t see me in school next year. Don’t come to my house; don’t pester my family saying you made a mistake. We all mistakes, but you just made the biggest one".

I started walking away and almost cried when he didn't come running after me but I stopped myself. I wouldn't give him any satisfactions. "And anyway", I whispered to myself, "Not everyone has a Ricky and Ben". I arrived to my house and my mom was waiting for me in the front porch. You were right, I thought and I ran up and broke down right in front of her, letting her hug and comfort me

I heard her cry's and felt her pain. It took all of my strength not to run up to her and say that I loved her. To say that I would take care of her and the baby but I knew I couldn't. Tears were running down her cheeks, making a small puddle besides her, and I saw her mom hugging her. She was the only one who knew what was really going on and for once I was thankful that she was here for Kiss. Her mom was humming Kiss's favorite song, the one that calmed and reassured her ever since she was a baby. And I couldn't help but smile.
I knew everything about Kiss, about her likes and dislike, what made her feel disgusted and what made her feel overwhelmingly happy. She was an angel, the definition of the phrase sweet and sour and when I looked at her stomach, seeing the small bump, I knew that was what made her look even more beautiful and more glowing than ever. But instead of happiness, all I felt was hate, instead of wanting to cuddle it, I wanted to rip it out of her body and take back what was rightfully mine. Then I felt an overwhelming feeling of shame and started walking away.
I paused at her last thought and whispered, "It’s a boy, my love, we are always boys."

FIVE YEARS LATER

5 years later and I was still walking home. I couldn't help but laugh at myself; at least I didn’t live with my mom anymore. I arrived home and I couldn't help but look at my one bedroom apartment and know how unrealistic it was

for me to be living here without my mother. I heard a shout and I ran upstairs, quickly unlocking the doors. Stepping inside, I started cracking up; my baby was covered in food from top to bottom.
Blond curls were dyed red from the tomato sauce, the t-shirt and the pants were dirty with pasta and dark Grey eyes looked at me with embarrassment and anger. "Hi baby girl, I said, chuckling a bit and