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Austin?


These last few months have been hell for me... i cant seem to get it right! i don't sleep at all, more often than not, i find myself on the computer, looking up sad quotes and crying over Devon. i think that the harder i look for someone to heal my heart, the more pain i feel... and im so freaking tired of not sleeping, and tearing up when i see him in the halls at school. its bad when i dont see him, and pure hell when i do. i still love him. but he cheated on me... and i didnt want to deal with that! my best friend Taylor said to me the other day "Angel, get out of bed! we are going out, and you are going to stop eating chocolate and moping around all day!" so guess what i did!? i went to the mall with Taylor...
Believe me, the last thing i wanted to do was go to the mall and go therapy shoping! but somehow, i wanted to feel better, i wanted to get over devon. i didnt want to be locked up in my house doing absoloutely nothing but crying. so i got my sorry but up, and took a shower. i havent been going to school lately.i take all my classes online, i guess this (me) is the outcome of severe depression? Ok, lets start at the begining. I was with Devon for three years, and he told me he loved me for the first time on our one year anniversary. i thought that was soo cute! i met him at my Homecomming Dance my freshman year. We were never seperated.. we were like, one person. and last week, when i was told by the school slut (Liza) that she was secretely sleeping with him, i FREAKED! She looked me in the eye, and said, "I hope you dont mind, but hun, i'm sleeping with your man." and i said "WHAT THE HECK DO YOU MEAN YOUR 'SLEEPING WITH MY MAN'!?" and she repeated it, and i punched her right in the face, and she had to have a nose job because i was that mad at her.. AND him!!!
The next thing i knew, i was in his face, and he was backing away, saying i was a crazy whore! who the hell would say that to thier GIRLFRIEND!?

man was i pissed! then i was suspended, and only in my junior year of high school, here i am... moping around, too dang scared to show my face at school ever again.. and all because of him and that Liza! i dont think i have ever been that mad at anyone in my life! i just started these classes online today. I couldnt bear to see his face. i knew i would just chase him. To tell you the truth, i love him so much that whenever i hear the phone ring, or my cell phone vibrate, i can almost feel my heart breaking. Because i know that theres no possibility that its him. it feels like im being ripped open by a thousand prying hands.I just cant do it anymore!
i have heard my mom and dad say over and over again that i should just get over him.. theres no reason to be broken hearted over a jerk who apparently never treated me right.. i never really saw why they didnt like him. But all that really matters is that i did.. and still do!
Today taylor is supposed to come over and i think we will just have a night here at my house.. we could watch a movie! hmm.. i'm thinking maybe 'P.S. I Love you'.. i know its kinda old, but it always makes me and Taylor cry. We end up crying like babys until my older brother comes in and throws a box of tissues at us. He thinks its funny. I dont!

What the heck? the door bell just rang.. wonder who would want to be over at my house this early in the afternoon.. Isn't everyone (well... except me...) in school right now?
Ok , not kidding, there is this totally gorgeous guy standing at my door, in bright yellow swimming trunks. OMG he has nice abs! Wonder if he will let me feel them ? ;) Wavy light brown hair and flip flops and the brightest blue eyes i have EVER seen... is this what they call love at first sight!?
"umm.. are you ok?" Nice Abs can speak!!!!! oh, i love his silky voice!
"wha- oh! yeah... and you are...?" i asked.
"oh, sorry. ha. my name is Austin. i just moved in next door and my mom sent me over here to give you guys some cookies? i did NOT make them, so dont worry" wow.. NEXT DOOR!? i am so gonna love this! i think i'll go out and do some yard work tomorrow!
" i dont see any cookies." i pointed out.
"well, thats because you have to come over and get them... i was sent here to also invite you over.. and your parents... if you have any?" he grinned slightly.
" well, you see, they are both at work, they dont get back until about 8-ish on the weekdays.. but weekends, they NEVER leave this house! not even kidding!"
And thats when it happened.. the sun was so warm on his skin, and that smile was melting my very heart! it was so tempting to just kiss him right then and there. but then i realized, i dont even know this guy! what if hes a serial killer or something!? well... i wouldnt mind being kidnapped by him... STOP IT! FOCUS!!
" uh... hello?"
"what?" i think he might have said something.. yeah. i didnt hear him.
"i said,'whats your name?'" i think this is one of those boys that has a million girls fawning over him everyday...
" i'm Angel.so... how bout those cookies?"
" hold on. one sec"
"what are we waiting for?" i said, a totally confused.
" i want to be able to remeber this moment for the rest of my life.. you look really pretty in your sweats by the way" he said, giving me a little wink.
That was the moment i realized just what i was wearing.. a tank-top, gray sweats, and my hair in a messy pony-tail.. i highly doubt i even put on my makeup...this is one of those times i just want to crawl back in bed, and hope this was all a dream.. if not, i would DIE from embarrasment!
i laughed out loud.
" you alright?" he said, looking slightly hurt.
"sorry, i just pictured what i must look like right now, i should have at least done my makeup this morning!"
His laugh is like melted chocolate, running down my throat. yummy, smooth, and i dont ever want it to stop!
" well, i happen to think that you dont need any makeup.. you look beautiful, just the way you are!... i think my mom might be getting worried soon, wanna go get some milk and cookies?" he asked, all too innocently.


" definately"

and for the first time in what felt like forever, Devon was the last thing on my mind. And what's worse, i didnt even mind.

Milk and Cookies <3


who knew that milk and cookies could be so seductive? i thought that was the sole job and purpose of chocolate covered strawberries!.. guess i was wrong.
i've been sitting here with Austin and his mom for about 2 hours now. His moms name is Amamda, and she looks killer in her heels and dress!
Turns out that Austin doesnt have a dad. Its just him and his mom. They moved to nowhere, Iowa, all the way from sunny, gorgeous CALIFORNIA! who in their right mind would leave Cali!? they say that after the father figure left, so did they. They've been moving around for what seems like forever. But in all reality, its only been 2 years. He is in my grade. A junior. I asked him what school he was going to go to, and he said..
" I think its called'Harlan Community High School'?"
and my heart felt like it got stuck in my throat.. i think that i might puke it out any second now. I have a really weak stomach!

" you all good?" i think he might think i am crazy by now, he's asked me that three times already.

"yeah.. it's just that i used to go to school there. Now i take my classes online.." i ducked my head, and mumbled something i dont quite remember.. i think it was 'sorry..'

"what happened honey?" I think Amanda is the mother i only dream about.. one who would ask me if i was ok, if i needed a hug, or to be alone, or would read me a story if i felt like i needed to just be a kid again, and get out of this crappy world. That was one of the nicest things someone had ever asked me.

"well, i had a REALLY bad break-up, and then it was all over the school, and pretty soon, he had a new girlfriend, and i was in the dumps... then the new Toy was spreading rumors about me, accusing me of sleeping with her brother, and it got to the point that people were calling my house, threatening me, saying they would slit my throat if i didnt stop having sex with Liza's brother!!!! i never slept with him, or even Devon, and we were together for three years." i noticed a tear rolling down my cheek, and i quickly wiped it away.

" oh honey!" Amanda said, and scooped me up in her arms. i hadn't had a real hug from someone in months. i cried.. hard.

i could see Austin slowly getting out of his chair, and slinking away to another room down the house that was still packed with boxes. he walked away with a little smirk.

"i'm sorry, i dont even know you that well, and here i am, making a fool of myself.. crying over nothing! i'm soo sorry!" i dont know why, but i was blubbering. i have never done that before.
"oh sweetie, dont worry, i think it shows your real character, and i think that Austin might even have a little thing for you" she winked.

" MOM!!! why would you tell her that!!!?" Austin screamed from the other room.

"I'm just speaking the truth

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