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Prologue




Three Weeks Earlier




I was tired as I looked out the car window. Tears stained my cheeks because of my broken heart.

"How could he just end it? Just like that? Am I that bad of a girlfriend? I thought we were meant to be... But then again, I am a struggle to deal with. I guess I am just to stubborn and hard headed to ever be loved back. Just like my mom. But she finally found true love. Maybe I will too. Maybe it just isn't the right time or something." The thought cheered me up and I smiled brightly at my mom.

Dylan and I had just broken up two days ago. I had been crushed.

After two months of perfect happiness and smiles and laughter, I was hurt to find out that he wasn't happy. But I wasn't surprised. I have the worst luck in relationships ever. Like, capital letters EVER.

I find a guy, it goes great, then it ends just like that. No warning, no signs, no nothing. Just ends... That's how it went. Until now that is.

First Look


Three Weeks Later




I woke up, gasping for air and clutching at my blankets. How had Dylan's little brother get in my dreams? Yes, I have always felt attracted to him like a moth to a flame. Yes, I think of him often. And yes, he has been in my dreams before. But not like this. This dream felt so real.

I went to school with the dream lingering in my thoughts. The warmth of his body close to mine, his arms holding me close and keeping me safe, his lips close to my neck, whispering sweet words.

Ah, I was going insane with my need for him. I threw myself at many guys, some of which took me and made me theirs for a little while. With each guy, I found myself comparing them to Travis. Trying to find a small detail that was the same. But none of them could come close to being as amazing as him.

I found myself tossing and turning in bed, longing for his warm embrace. I wished for his arms around me, his sweet, soft lips working at mine, his warmth and closeness. I wanted him with me so bad I couldn't stand it.

I would go to school with deeply shadowed eyes, due to lack of sleep. I was grumpy and bitchy to almost everyone. Until I saw him.

In the mornings he was like my coffee. He woke me up and made me feel all warm inside. He filled up the dark, empty void I had been living with for years because of the physical, verbal, even sexual abuse. The neglect, lack of attention... I was drowning in my desperation to get him to notice me. I got so jealous when I saw his arms around his girlfriend.

She was pretty. Beautiful, even. But what did she have that I didn't? Oh, that's right... She had the embrace, and the love, and the quite strength and support from the man of my dreams. She had everything I didn't.

I envied her. I got to the point that I couldn't stand the sight of her. Her and her twin sister would get under my skin and make me want to hit something.

Until the day that I befriended them....

The Start? Or the Beginning of the End?




It was after school. I was a little sticky with sweat and I'm sure it didn't help that I was nervous because of what I was about to do. I threw my backpack and my black Tapout hoodie over by the wall and waited with my friends. Keeping one eye on Travis. Watching to see if he would look over at me.

I waited until he went and got on his bus before I went over to Marissa.

"Hey, Marissa! I was wondering, since your sister is kinda dating Travis, if you knew his number?" I said kinda shyly. My heart was pounding loudly in my ears and I was worried that she would be able to hear it. I was so nervous.

"Oh, hey Lex. Yeah, hold on." She then listed off the digits I so desperately needed. "Why do you need it though?"

I quickly thought of some lame excuse. "Oh, well I didn't have it and I just wanted someone to text tonight so I don't go insane with boredom."

She started laughing then, so I just told her I had to get home and started walking. As I walked I pushed in the right buttons and texted Travis with shaking fingers.

Me: Hey...
Travis: Sup?
Me: Nm. Just walking home.
Travis: Who dis?
Me: Lexi...
Travis: Howdya get my number?
Me: Oh, I just asked Marissa... I hope you dont mind..
Travis: No, its kul

Little did I know that that was the start of the most heartbreak and tears and then the long road of happiness of my life...

Chris...


It's almost a month and a half later. It's March 2nd. My birthday. Chris asked me out. I was pretty happy but he's not really the one I want. Sure, I was easily falling for him, but I didn't want to. I held back a lot of the time.

We held hands, his arm would be loosely around my waist or on my shoulders. He was cute, very good looking. I couldn't deny that.

But he wasn't Travis.

The next day, March 3rd, my sister and I begged out parents to let us go to the Copper Verde Park. They agreed reluctantly. I was happy. I would get to spend hours with Chris.

We had tons of fun. Going on the slide, messing around with a wheelchair, swinging, sitting on his lap, talking and just messing around. I had a blast, and for the first time, there was no thoughts of Travis.


As I lay on bed, I realized that. And thought maybe it had only been a temporary lust. Until I saw him on Monday and fell head over heels all over again.

I kinda felt bad that I was texting Travis while I was with Chris. But nothing ever actually happened. He admitted that he was in love with me. And at first I wasn't sure I was in love with him. I wanted to make sure I was before I told him I was. He deserved that much at least. He knew I felt strongly about him though. And I thought I was in love with him. but I thought I loved his brother too, and I didn't want Travis and I to end up like that.

We could sit and text for hours. Every time I would look at my little blue phone and my heart would skip a beat when his name popped up. He would say the cutest things ever. (Even if they were only bits of songs and not his actual words, I knew he meant them.)

Every text made me fall a little harder. It was getting out of control, my longing for him. He was on my thoughts 24/7. (It was actually more like 25/8)

I woke up in the morning thinking of him, I went to bed thinking of him, I dreamed of him, I lived off of seeing him and texting him. I fell in love a little more with every second...

Chris broke up with me. I didn't even cry. I had been expecting it. Like I said before, I had the worst luck in relationships. It was through a text:

"I'm sorry, but it's over."

At first I didn't get it. And then it slowly hit me. But it was cool. I was okay. I was open game again. Available for whoever desired me. (I was hoping it would be Travis, but he was still with one of the twins. Ugh.)

Hanging Out For the First Time


Travis and I got to hangout for the first time. I was giddy with excitement. My mom dropped me off on the side of the street where he was waiting for me. I'm not sure if my mom liked him then or not...

At first, I thought it was a good idea to go down the side of the hill with all the bushes and thorns and such. Travis

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