LITTLE GIRL LOST - SARAH BETH LEE (tharntype novel english .TXT) 📗

too much. What the hell you only got engaged once so why not?

“Are you sure?”

“Oh why not, I have nothing better to do.” Besides moon over a girl he hadn’t even met yet. Zach knew he was trying to take his mind off of Hannah, he could see the wheels spinning in his head.

“Thanks dude, I owe you big time.”

“I’ll add it to the list and what time are we leaving?”

“I told Beth to be ready at 5pm so we need to leave here at 4pm. I still have to stop by the florist and pick up the roses.”

“Why roses Beth’s favorite flowers are daisies.”

“I know that but Roses are the flower of love, they’re more romantic.”

“I suppose you have a point so does Beth have any idea what exactly is going to happen tonight?”

“I don’t think so she hasn’t really asked any questions or acted like she suspects anything.”

“Well that’s good because you know if she suspected anything she would be asking a million questions.”

Zach laughed as he closed the box and placed it back in his pocket. Nick couldn’t help but see the love that was etched all over Zach’s animated face as he talked about Beth. He was happy for them and couldn’t think of two people who deserved happiness more than Beth and Zach. He found himself wondering what it must feel like to know that there was someone there that would support you, love you and walk with you through whatever this life had to offer. He had never had that it had always been Nick against the world. He never let anyone close enough to see the pain and the heartache that consumed him and chipped away at his still beating heart each day. To the world he appeared to be the carefree guy with no worries and no responsibilities. He was the funny guy with all the jokes and always ready for a good time.

Nick thought of Hannah and how she had closed herself off from the world never letting anyone in. She lived alone and was only herself when she was pretending to be someone else, how ironic. She surrounded herself with ideas of what a perfect life would be like and then watched the world below her window never letting anyone in. Nick chose to deal with his pain by pretending nothing mattered beyond his next trip, next drink and next good time. That was how he dealt with the pain unlike Hannah he put himself out there but never really revealed who he really was he only let people see the illusion of what he wished he could be.

“Nick hey are you okay?”

Nick blinked as he realized he had zoned out on Zach again. He shook his head to try to shake out the cob webs that were clouding his brain. He looked sheepishly at Zach and grinned, “Sorry buddy I was off in a galaxy far, far away know as Planet Nick.”

Zach pounded him on the back, “No problem I need to go call Beth and jump in the shower.”

“Yeah, okay I’ll be here when you get ready to go.”

“Thanks Nick.”

“No problem and I hope she says yes.”

Nick laughed at the astonished look on Zach’s face as if he had never considered the idea of her saying no. He had to admit he couldn’t fathom her saying anything but yes.

“Go get ready and no worries she’ll say yes. Hell she deserves that rock for putting up with you for the last ten years.”

“You’re so funny Nicolas Jordan O’Brien, your day is coming and I personally can’t wait to see it.”

“You wish buddy, you wish.”

Zach laughed as he walked out of the room already calling Beth. Nick listened as he heard Zach’s voice laced with love softly saying her name before he closed the bedroom door. Nick longed to know exactly what that kind of love and commitment felt like. He had never been a jealous person but he had envied the love, companionship and support that Zach and Beth had with each other. He laughed as he thought of how they had grown over the years so much so that they seemed like one person always knowing what the other one is thinking, finishing each other’s sentences and always together. Nick jumped to his feet and began to pace the room looking for something to take his mind off of what ifs and what might have been if he felt he deserved to be loved.

Nick realized that soon he would be living alone for the first time ever. He had never really thought about a time when Zach wouldn’t be here. Nick wondered what he would do with all this space and silence. He was very afraid that he would have way too much time to think once Zach tied the knot and moved out. He needed to focus on something less dreary.

Zach’s lap top on the coffee table caught his eye and he decided to make some good use of his time. He started a Google search for gift and specialty shops that had been open in 1993. He watched as a list began to fill the screen. He began to click on one after another searching for just the right gifts for each birthday, Christmas, graduations and for no reason at all except that he would be thinking of her. He jotted down several items and each address before turning off the computer. He would go to the bank on Monday morning and withdraw enough money to purchase the gifts and set up an account just in case he found himself in need of money while visiting the past. He knew he was a little bit crazy and a lot delusional but he had a plan and he prayed to a God he wasn’t sure he believed in that it worked.

Hannah lay on her bed staring at the ceiling as the shadows danced in the moonlight. She had been trying, unsuccessfully to fall asleep for hours. She glanced at the digital display on her alarm clock and saw that it was 3:30, if she fell asleep now she could still sleep for three hours. She laughed at herself she had already tried warm milk, reading how to build an atomic bomb, counting sheep, naming her unborn babies and the what if game but sleep refused to come. She sighed she knew that she would be paying for this sleepless night tomorrow in her board meeting but sleep was obviously on strike tonight.

Hannah tried to let her mind wander and of course visions of Nick filled her restless mind as well as her heart. Where was he now? How old was he? Did he remember her at all? Would he like the names Nicolas Jackson and Molly Joy that would be their twins names, what a minute where had that come from? She had picked her babies’ names out years ago but what made her think Nick would care what she named her unborn children? She was a lost cause how she let him worm his way into every aspect of her life? She closed her eyes and there he was alive in her mind. She could still see him so vividly and his voice still rang crystal clear in her ear, like crisp linen sheets blowing in the warm summer breeze so calming and refreshing like a balm to her weary soul and those eyes so blue like a field of bluebells full of wonder and mystery. She had felt as if he could see through her shield at the still beating heart that was broken beyond repair.

Hannah’s eyes fluttered open and the first thing she saw was the angel on her nightstand; the delicate ornament that hang gracefully from a small silver easel, the angel keeping watch over a babe while she slept. Hannah could see the time and care that had been put into the design and the love that seemed to flow from the tiny angel’s wings bent over the baby protecting her from the world raging outside her window. Hannah had no way of knowing if the baby was a girl, most likely it was intended to be the baby Jesus but Hannah like to think otherwise. She believed in her heart that the baby was her and that Nick was her guardian angel keeping her safe as she slept. She had asked him if he was an angel and he had readily answered no but she believed that he was the one who had been watching over her all these years and pulling her back from the precipice she always seemed to be teetering on. She had been so far gone, so despondent that first Christmas. She had been so sure that her life was over and that there was no reason for living at all. She had been sitting by the Christmas tree watching the lights as they blinked off and on reflecting off the window. She had watched as the snow fell outside so light and pretty. She could hear the laughter floating on the street as her friends ran and played but she had found it all pointless so she had sat there alone wondering why God felt it necessary to punish her that way. She knew had her daddy been alive she too would be dancing in the snow, dodging snow balls and building the biggest and best snow man on the block. Christmas had been her daddy’s favorite holiday and he had always made it special with a story every night until Christmas arrived. He would let her put a Christmas sticker on the calendar every night to mark off another day and she would be able to count how many days left until Santa arrived. She had never really believed in Santa but she had played along because she hadn’t wanted to ruin her father’s fun. Hannah swiped at the tears that were now falling on her pillow. She remembered hearing the door bell ring and Victoria dressed for a party bringing her a package. She had been curios as to what it could be and she had carefully removed the paper to reveal the fragile angel that now sat by her bed. She had reread the card a million times since that night and she still believed that Nick had been her guardian angel.

She wondered where he had been, where he was going and where in the whole wide world was he now? Had he really been an angel that was watching from above or had he just been an ordinary guy who felt bad for a little girl who had just lost her daddy? Was he old now with kids or grandkids of his own? These thoughts raced through her head as sleep finally took over and her eyes drifted closed.

The last couple of weeks had dragged on endlessly with the highlight being her unexpected visitor on that Saturday night almost two weeks ago. She smiled to herself as she remembered Zach and his smile and