Crossing the Mirage: Passing through youth - BS Murthy (best ereader for epub .txt) 📗

a pregnant lover? But after marriage it would be all so different. Won’t the closeness of marriage call for compromises?”

“Now, I understand your method,” she said in apparent hatred. “Lure women into bed to make them vulnerable, and then force compromises upon them. You want to make her your wife for money and retain me as your keep to pep up your sex life!”

“If I were as mean as you imagine,” he said playing his sincerity card to the hilt, “wouldn’t I have married you on the sly?”

“Oh, you’re too clever for that,” she said in exasperation. “You’re no fool to bite more than you can chew. You know you would come to grief fighting on two fronts. So you’ve hit upon this strategy of smothering me before tackling her. If you can coerce me now, you think you can cajole her later. It calls for an evil genius to come up with such a devious plan.”

“Am I expected to take all this rubbish?” he said feigning anger. 

 “Why, were you to fail with her later,” she continued her tirade against him, “you would have me still, won't you? What’s more, her money too, for I’m sure you would make some of hers yours without losing any time. And in case you can’t sell your idea to me, still you would’ve a beautiful wife, and all her money. Either way, you know, you would gain more than you can lose. How cleverly you got into a win-win position!”

“You’re attributing motives,” he said sounding sad, “to a victim of circumstances.”

“On the other hand,” she said in pain, “you’ve made me a victim to better your circumstances. Betrothed though, you wormed your way into my life with the idea of making me your keep.”

“Do blame me but spare my love,” he said affecting distress. “I love you, and I want you forever. I know that you love me too. Don’t break our hearts and make life bleak for both of us.”

“So much for our love,” she said broaching the topic of her embarrassment, “what about your child in my womb?”

“He would be my first born, won’t he?”

“You mean the first bastard?” she said in all sarcasm. “Oh, you’ve determined the sex of our child beforehand! You seem to be cock sure in all you do, don’t you?”

“Don’t be harsh!” he said taken aback at her resistance. “Didn’t I tell you it’s time I owned up you up as my wife?”

“What if you fail to keep your word?” she said in vexation. “Won’t that leave our child illegitimate and keep me ever your keep?”

“Believe me.”

“You mean I should believe you after what all you’ve done to me?” she said rebelliously. “What if I reject your proposal?”

“Then unfortunately for both of us,” he said after a pause, “we’ve to go our separate ways.”

“Well,” she said resolutely, “before that see the child goes out of the way.”

“Don’t be in a hurry,” he tried to sound even more persuasive. “What if we make up in the end? Won’t we feel sorry then?”

“You know it brooks no delay, don’t you?”

“I’m hopeful,” he said reaching for her hand, “our love would make us cling together through thick and thin.”

“So you want me to let it grow so that I would’ve nowhere else to go.”

“I don’t want to lose you if I can help it,” he said not giving up. “You may call me mean that way.”

“Haven’t I got the taste of your meanness already?” she said, “But if you help me get aborted, I may still feel that there is something left to be salvaged in your character.”

“I’m still hopeful.”

“That’s another way of saying that you won’t like to pick up the bill,” she said sarcastically. “A rupee saved is a rupee earned, isn’t it? Who knows about it better than you, a bank officer opting for mercenary marriage?”

“Well, there’s a limit even for insulting.”

“Thanks for reminding me about the limits,” she said unable to control her tears. “Didn't I bring it upon myself by crossing my limits? Had I not given myself to you, you would’ve found it hard to decide which way to go now. Having given in myself, I’ve lost my aura, and having had me, you’ve lost your appetite. Where's the incentive to marry me now?”

“You’re cross with me as you’ve misunderstood me,” he said trying to gain control over her. “But don’t nurse hatred for me. Our destinies might still bring us together. Won’t the intimacy of the old times usher in fresh tidings then? When the dust of your misgivings settles down, I’m sure we won’t be able to resist each other any time.”

“I would like to forget you in double quick time,” she said as she left him in a huff. “How I wish I had never met you at all. Let the devil take you.”

As she walked out on him, she was consumed by hatred.

‘Why not I kill him and avenge myself?’ she thought on her way. ‘But that would only ruin my life further and scandalize my family even more. Let him go to hell. I better think about how to get out of this mess.’

As she walked her way home, she turned her attention on self-preservation.

‘I’ve to handle my parents first,’ she contemplated. ‘They’re sure to smell a rat, sooner than later. Better I tell them that he backed out because of parental opposition. Why, they are bound to be disappointed if not shaken. All the same, how their enthusiasm for him surged my own infatuation. Didn’t they make it appear as though all was over bar tying the knot? How sad that I got carried away only to end up being pregnant! Oh, how fate has contrived a parental part in my downfall!’

‘What a paradox pregnancy for women is,’ Nithya thought that night. ‘If a married conceives, it’s a cause for celebration, but with an unmarried, it’s a means of castigation. After all, man doesn’t have any bother in this regard, but then, someone has to bell the cat of nature’s urge for procreation. At least, he should’ve got the decency to arrange for the abortion. But the bastard seems to have designs on me into the future as well. He may even resort to blackmail to entrap me all again. Will he ever allow me to live in peace? Oh, what a devil have I courted?’

As she imagined his shadow on her future, she was frightened no end.

‘Had I not conceived,’ she reasoned, ‘it wouldn’t have been so tough on me. Well, I wouldn’t have made myself as vulnerable to his blackmail later. Won’t it pay to take precautions for women in love to save their skin? Why, the hymen would go away anyway but how can any be wiser to the coitus that caused its rupture? Whatever, I’ve to get on to the table straight away for there is no other way.’

‘Is death the only solution to my predicament?’ she thought as the hypocrisy of women’s chastity seemed an irony to her. ‘Oh no, what dreams I had for my life! But, how sour they all turned out to be! And that’s another story. Now, before all else, I should get out of this mess. But how am I to go about it? That’s the big question! And what of the future threat from him? Well, I would see how to deal with him later, if he ever returns.’

While she remained pensive at home, she sought the privacy of the park to let out her steam. Unable to confide with any and overwhelmed by her predicament, she reached a dead end when Chandra fortuitously forced himself into her life. Well, driven by despair and backed by sixth sense, she sought to befriend him in the hope that he certainly wouldn’t harm her even if he may not be of help.

 

Chapter 11

Crossing the Mirage

 

  While Nithya bowed her head narrating her tale of woe, Chandra glued his eyes on her. When she finished, as she looked at him to gauge his response, he bestowed her with his caressing look of love. Overwhelmed, she cried for the empathy he evoked in her.

“Oh, God,” Chandra said in sorrow, “how sad!.”

“What to do when someone deceives you?” said Nithya sighing. “See what a mess I'm in now!”

“So you want to get aborted?”

“Why don't you help me?” she clutched his hand involuntarily. “I've no clue how to go about it.”

“I value your trust in me,” he said placing his on hers, “as much as I value you. But is abortion a solution?”

“Tell me,” she said helplessly, “what else can I do now?”

“Why, life has a way of shadowing problems with opportunities,” he said looking into her eyes tentatively.

“Having undone my life,” she said with a sense of rejection, “what opportunity can I possibly have now?”

“Marriage, for one.”

“Are you joking or what?”

“Why,” he said, “won’t you like to put this all behind and get on with your life?”

“But even then I need this abortion, won’t I?”

“You could abort the child,” he said as his tone drew all the empathy his heart felt for her, “but would you be able to get rid of your guilt?”

“Aren’t you scaring me even more?”

“Oh no,” he said taking her hand, “you know I wish you well. Why not see what the options are and their likely impact upon your life.”

“Thank God, at least, I’ve chosen a friend well,” she said in admiration. “Please be my friend, philosopher, and guide.”

“Thanks for the offer and know it's accepted,” he said in all happiness.

“Wonder how you make me feel relaxed!” she said. “Now tell me what the solution could be.”  

“Well, we'll go through the options for you to arrive at the solution,” he said. “For one, you can get aborted and marry someone on the sly.”

“Right or wrong,” she said bowing her head, “that’s what girls in my situation do, don’t they?”

“Well, that’s the only option available for the most of them,” he said endearingly. “But it’s not the case with you.”

“How is it different with me?”

“Before we come to that,” he said in the manner of counseling her, “why not visualize the pitfalls of marriage on the sly? Won’t your conscience prick you if you marry by hiding your past?”

“I haven’t thought about it so far,” she said and paused for a while. “Oh, I'll surely suffer from qualms all my life.”

“What's worse, what if Vasu blackmails you?” he said as softly as he could so as not to raise her fears. “If you give in, won't it tell upon your conscience, and if not, what if he makes your man privy to your past? Wouldn't it be like between the devil and the deep sea?”

“Oh, God!” she cried. “Looks like I’ve made myself vulnerable forever. What am I to do now?”

Shaken to the core, she looked at him for support.

“What if you reveal all to the prospective groom?” he said sounding as detached as possible from the proposal. “Won’t you clear your conscience and block the blackmail as well?”

“You know the premium you men put on wife's virginity,” she said as though she was discounting the idea. “And that being the case, who would want to marry me?”

“Maybe,” he said, “but widowers and divorcees could be less fussy about virgin brides.”

“But how am I to explain my unusual preference to my parents?” she said, “Well, even if someone marries me still, he might put me under probation till I’m fifty, if not longer. Also, my confession to all and sundry might scandalize me by word of mouth. Oh it’s no less risky.” 

  “Well,” he said, “it's a possibility.”

 “Oh, am I destined to remain unwed all my life,” she said with a sigh, “for just a misstep in youth? How cruel has life become for me!”

“I see a way out my friend,” he said as he readied to bare his heart.

“Me marrying a eunuch!” she said with a weary smile in spite of her situation as her sense of humour ensured it.

“Well, the next best,”