Dear Edward - Heather Parsons (smart books to read .TXT) 📗

hold out, how much longer his own tears would stay away.
The minute he stood to find her someone else had and by hearing his words, Edward knew better than to intrude.
“Brianna, please don't cry. Adam wouldn't want you to be sad.” John whispered. He knew from not seeing her mixed in with everyone else that she was having a hard time dealing with Adam's death. Adam hadn't only been a friend to her but also acted like a brother to her. They'd been so close that John was sure losing him would hurt her bad. Cause her so much pain that she would probably never recover.
“It's not fair, John. It's my fault he's gone. If I would have never left that day, he'd still be alive. I would've stopped him from leaving. He would have listened to me.” She cried harder, shaking her entire body and hating herself that much more.
“It's not your....” He tried to soothe her but she swatted his hand away.
“It is!” She yelled. He was not going to tell her it wasn't her fault when she knew better. God why won't he let her feel this pain, own up to it, claim it as her own?
“Brianna.” Jason's voice came out soft from across the way. He stared at her, knowing how she felt because he blamed himself for Adam's death too. If he would have waited they would have found him. They had already escaped and were making their way back to camp. If only he waited.
Looking up to meet his intense stare, she couldn't hold it and dropped her head back down. Seeing the hurt in his eyes, Brianna couldn't stop the sobs that escaped, releasing them for everyone to see.
Warm arms wrapped themselves around her and she knew she should hold back but her arms wouldn't move. They felt weighed down by the loss so instead she placed her head on his shoulder letting her tears soak his shirt.

THIRTEEN

Flags were still flying high a week after the homecoming celebration. Smiles and handshakes were exchanged but tonight's gathering were for the fallen. The names of each soldier that gave the ultimate price were named one by one. Three minutes of silence given between names, for prayers and silent tears of praise.
Brianna sat in between John and Jason, each had one of her hands clasped to theirs. And each held on for strength from the other.
“It's okay babe, I'm here.” Jason whispered. Seeing her struggle was worse than anything he'd been through before.
Every night he'd lay beside her thinking, hoping she'd be the cure he needed to rid himself of the nightmares. But each day waking up alone, in cold sweats, shaking and screaming for help has proved otherwise. And now seeing the memorial with the list of names, the list of friends, Jason couldn't sit still for long.
Standing up he dropped Brianna's hand and walked off. Shaking off his dad's hand that tried to stop him, slumping his shoulder's, he desperately needed the nightmares to end. Needed to feel safe, needed them back.
He walked until he couldn't and slumped down, crying. He'd been dreading showing anyone this side of him before, they all knew he was a fun, loving person but the war had changed that. Now he couldn't look past the pain, the horror of the last few years.
Brianna stood and followed his frame with her eyes, not daring to move an inch from where she was. Afraid that everyone would see how this day, today was affecting her. Only her eyes gave away the heartbreak and pain. Yes, Jason had come home but he wasn't the same, his screams for mercy, terrified her. She'd find herself crawling off the bed, into the corner and covering her ears to escape. Never wanting to know what happened, what he'd been through but wanting so badly to help.
Sitting in the last row of seats, Edward kept his head down, hands clasped together in front of him and prayed along with everyone else. He'd heard the commotion and saw Jason get up and leave, even saw Brianna stand up too but didn't move from where he was. It's none of your business, he'd tell himself.
But no matter what he couldn't get the look of her face out of his mind. What she'd been through, what she was going through now was painful to watch. He couldn't even begin to imagine what it was like to go through.
“SGT Ella Sampson.” The speaker said, dropping off the end of the name in a moment of silence.
Hearing her mother's name caused her eyes to water, afraid of letting her friends see her this broken, Brianna left. Scrambling through the seats, passing residence that were sitting quietly and whispering please to herself, to not cry here.
John was conflicted, he could go to his son and try to comfort him, help him find his way out or follow Brianna to comfort her with her loss. When he stood, the sun was shinning directly overhead, beaming down on top of him causing his hands to sweat, his heart to beat faster and his legs to move. The moment he did move, he lost his equilibrium and fell.
Seeing Jason's dad fall caused Edward to jump, the sound of it sounded a lot like an explosion. Reflexes went into action and Edward jumped over the remaining seat and straight for the fallen man. Reaching out, he cradled him in his arms and brought him back into the shade.
“Son, I'm fine. There's no need for this, honestly.” John laughed out. Although what happened was not funny he still couldn't believe how fast this soldier moved to get to him, how he would have loved having him when he was in the military. Maybe those who'd died back then would be alive now if they had someone like him.
Shaking his head, John dislodged that thought. He'd had the best soldiers by his side and wouldn't trade them for the world.
“Sir...” Edward started to argue.
“John are you okay? What happened?” Brianna run up to him, throwing her arms around him and kicking herself for leaving, for walking away.
“It's okay Brianna and son you can put me down.” John said while dangling his legs. He'd still been in the soldiers arms when Brianna ran up and hugged him. Embarrassed that he'd had a weak moment and everyone had seen it.
“I'm sorry I left, I shouldn't have done it. It's just...” She struggled with saying why she'd left in front of a stranger. And looking into his eyes she saw recognition there but dropped them fast to look away.
“Don't you dare apologize. If you would have sat there one minute longer, looking the way you were, then I'd think something was terribly wrong. But I knew when your mother's name was called that you'd leave, I would have thought nothing of it. It's okay Brianna, you don't need to explain.” John stated once he was on his feet again, holding her shoulder's so she would know what she did didn't cause what happened. She would not take blame for what happened to him, he wouldn't let her. It was all him.
“I can't...” She started saying but broke off when the tears fell. Hiding her face and wiping them away.
“Let it go. You can't keep holding this in, it's hurting you more. Brianna honey, you can let it go.” John whispered holding on tighter and trying hard to make her see reason.
“I can't, I don't want to be alone. The memories....her face....her words....I don't want to forget them. And Adam, oh God, I can still see him. Everywhere I look he's there, looking back at me. Why did he leave me? I loved him, didn't he know that. Why?” She cried the words out, letting them fall where they may but she wasn't ready to let go completely. Wasn't strong enough to go on without them.
Edward stood by and listened, never saying anything even though he'd been through it himself. He lost both his parents years before he'd decided to go into the military but now wasn't the time to say anything. He could have left, actually thought about it a couple of times but didn't make a move to. Maybe he'd be needed, he thought.
“You truly are a hero. Thank you for helping John and standing there not making judgments towards me. I'm usually not this way, normally the strong one but lately, it's just been hard.” Brianna spoke through tears in her eyes, looking towards the soldier that stood close by. “Your eyes are kind....I thank you again for all your help and I'm sorry I wasn't there last week to welcome you home.”
Walking over to him, she reached out and held on tightly, pushing past her own pain and thanking God that he was safe. Even though she didn't know who he was, she still thanked God for him.
Before he could say anything to her, Brianna released her hold and walked away. He saw the tears that fell and knew why she left, felt her grief, her sadness, her loss. Following where she'd gone with his eyes, he watched her shutter before disappearing completely. Dropping his eyes, he looked in the direction of the rest of the residence but couldn't see himself going back to seat down.
With his heart heavy, his breathing coming out ragged, Edward made sure John was alright then walked off himself. 'You truly are a hero,' her words swam around inside his head, but she was wrong. If he was then all his friends would be home and safe not laying on foreign ground dead. Tears swelled up in his eyes at these thoughts and as quick as he feet would take him, he made his escape.
This town, this place, the people were all amazing. The way they'd treated him when he walked in with Jason was unexpected but what he needed and now all he needed was time to himself. Finding a log, he sat down, leaned forward grasping his head in his hands and shuttered. Tears escaped his eyes, images retracted in his mind and his thoughts kept repeating one word, hero.
Laughing out loud, he stood up, balled his hands in fists and swung at imaginary people who'd taken away loved ones from him. Beating them down so they couldn't get back up, beating his nightmares and keeping them at bay.
“I'm sorry. I didn't know anyone was here. Are you okay?