Standing Close To The Edge(Finished) - Danielle Palmer (shoe dog free ebook txt) 📗

as he scooted towards me till our knees were touching. For a minute he just looked into my eyes without saying anything. I could feel all his emotions just by staring in his hazel beauties. His hands didn't let go of my wrists as his thumbs slipped under the sleeve. I closed my eyes as he his thumb skimmed over the top few cuts. Pulling on my wrist, I tried to get away from him but his grip tightened. “Zayn.” I whispered. He ignored me and kept his eyes trained on my wrist.
Before I realized what he was doing he pushed me back and pinned my legs down with his own. He kept a grip on my arm as he pulled up my sleeves. His eyes widened at the damage but he kept pushing them up all they way to my elbow. I turned my head towards the wall as he sat there staring at them. He didn't say anything and it made me more scared each second we sat in silence. A lone tear fell off the tip of my nose and down to the floor. Just as I was about to look at him I felt his weight lift off me. I sat up and pulled my sleeves down. He was pacing back and forth. His hands in his hair almost looking like he was trying to pull it out. Before I could process what was happening his fist launched out and connected with the wall making a gaping hole right next a picture.
“Zayn!” I got up and ran over to him. His forehead was against the wall with both hands on either side. His breathing was deep making me scared he wasn't done getting his anger out. I put my hand on his back making him jump slightly. I don't even know what to do in these situations. “Love?” I whispered afraid of making his mad. That's the last thing I needed. Him freaking out on me. I could see his jaw clenching and both his hands were in fists. There was a tear trailing down his cheek. My head told me I needed to leave him alone but my heart told me to comfort him.
“When?” He asked through clenched teeth. I looked at his eyes and saw them tightly closed. “When what?” Before I could even get the whole question out he already had me against the wall. His hands were on either side of my head and his body against mine. There was still tear stains on his cheeks. “When was the last time?” Really since when does that matter? What am I supposed to say. Cause I know the exact day I did it last. “The day I met you.” He hit the wall next to my head making me clench my eyes close. Memories threatened to flood my mind but I pushed them back. That's the last thing I need. “Why haven't you done it again?” His eyes were staring at me intensively, I could feel them. I swallowed the lump in my throat and cooled my breathing. “Because of you.”
His body was no longer pressed against mine. I slowly opened my eyes and looked over. He had his back to the wall with his hands cover his face. He was visibly shaking as he slid down the wall. Only then did I realize he was crying. No correction he sobbing. I wasted no time and pushed away from the wall. I crouched in front of him and put my hand on his head. He lifted his head and looked at me. His eyes were already red and bloodshot. He sat up and wrapped his arms around my waist putting his forehead on my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around his neck and played with his hair. “Can you not hide them from me?” He whispered. I pulled back and looked at him. He looked at me straight in the eyes. His emotions were under control now. “Zayn. Everyone's going to stare at my arms.”
“Not it public. Just when were on the bus or a hotel.” I sighed and looked away. He played with the hem of my shirt lifting it higher. I slowly nodded but told him to keep the tank top on. He pulled my shirt off and threw it on the couch. I put my arms around his neck and finally looked back at him. “What's wrong?” I shook my head and continued to play with his hair. “Tell me.” It left no room for protest making me sigh. There was no getting out of this one. “They just make me self-conscious.” He grabbed my arms and unhooked them from around his neck. He put his lips to my arms kiss after every word. “You.” Kiss. “Are.” Kiss. “Very.” Kiss. “Beautiful.” Kiss. He would look into my eyes everyone time he said a word making me smile brighter every time.
Wiping away the tears that were threatening to spill, I put my arms back around his neck. He smiled and wrapped his arms around my waist. He pulled me closer hugging me to his body making me wanted to melt from his touch. “I'm sorry for our fight. I really shouldn't have called you a slut and let you explain.” I shook my head and pulled away to look at him in the eyes. “You don't need to apologize I understand. I would have acted the same way. Just tell me why you asked if it would be Harry's?” Guilt filled his eyes and he looked away from me. “I don't know. Just jealous I guess.” I smiled and shook my head at him. It took a lot to admit you're jealous. “You have no reason to be. I don't think of Harry like that. He's like a brother to me. Just like Niall, Louis, and Liam. I love you Zayn. I told you that to.” He smiled like I brightened his word 100x more. “I love you to babe. I just wish you would have told me your past instead of me having to find out from Harry.”
“I know. I'm sorry. I guess I just chickened out. I didn't want you to hate me. Or think I have to screwed up of a mind cause I do. It's just. I-I can't lose you Zayn.” I whispered the last part looking away. He grabbed my chin making me look at him. “You will never lose me.” He pushed his lips to mine making me melt instantly. He pulled away to soon making me whimper. I missed him more than I thought I did. “Will you do something for me?” His voice was a serious tone making me meet his gaze. “What?” He hesitated and I instantly knew I wasn't going to like what he was about to say. “Get help.” I knew it. I don't need help but it felt like he was almost pleading with me. I tried looking away from his puppy eyes but I ended up falling into the trap and nodding. He smiled and crashed his to mine. I guess it will be worth it. Maybe I do need help.
“Now. Any ideas on how to fix the hole in the wall?” I looked behind him at the hole and a idea instantly popped into my mind. “Get a hammer.” He looked at me confused but shrugged and walked out the hotel door. He was probably going down to the lobby. Don't know how he is going to get one but whatever. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a chair. They went heavy so I picked it up and carried it to living room. I set it down and climbed on it looking at the picture. It was held up by a nail so my idea would work perfect. Zayn came back not even 5 minutes later handing me a hammer. I got the nail out of the wall and moved the picture over so it was covering the hole. I made sure it was straight before hammering it back into the wall. “Noticeable?”
“Is what noticeable?” I looked over and saw Niall, Alexis, Danielle, Liam, Louis, and Harry standing in the door way with bags. My eyes widened and I looked at Zayn. They always have bad timing! Not knowing what to say I started whistling and took the chair back to the kitchen. Walking back into the living Zayn was sitting on the couch with everyone standing in front of him. Liam pointed at me and then to the seat next to Zayn. Sighing dramatically, I walked over and plopped down next to him. He grabbed my hand and entwined our fingers. “So lovebirds. What were you guys up to?” Louis asked crossing his arms. I shrugged and watched him pace in front of us. “I don't know what you're talking about.” I smiled as Zayn muffled a laugh with a cough.
“Really? Than what is this?” He smirked as he lifted my shirt of the table. My cheeks heated up at the thought but I still pointed to my tank top. “I have a shirt on still.” He sighed heavily and threw his hands in the air. “I give up!” He sat on the other couch with his arms crossed. “Good thing you're not a detective huh Lou?” He rolled his eyes why everyone else laughed. I elbowed Zayn and nodded towards the picture. Why not tell them. It's not like their gonna go snitch to someone. He laughed and got up off the couch. He walked over to the picture and slid it till you could see the hole. Liam's eyes widened and he ran over to it. “Zayn! What the hell!” At least he didn't think it was me. Well you could clearly see Zayn's bruising knuckles. “It's not a big deal. I hide it.” Liam sighed and raked his hand through his hair. “Fine. Fine.” I smiled at Zayn who returned it with a wink. The rest of the day the guys just wanted to stay in and watch movies. It was actually quit fun and memorable.

*1 month later*

The rest of the tour was amazing. Me and Zayn's relationship was better than ever. We haven't fought at all since in Las Vegas. As promised I got help while we were on the road. It was hard switching from different therapists but it really helped. I haven't self-harmed since the day I met Zayn. My mom sent me a lot of money so I was able to support myself and pay for food sometimes for everyone. Danielle and Liam were perfect as ever and so were Niall and Alexis. Harry's still a flirt and Louis is still the crazy/funny one. No one's really changed and I liked that. The guys aren't going back home for a few days. I don't even know what me and Zayn are going to do when he leaves. It's torturing me to know he's going to be in a different continent. Alexis was lucky. Niall asked her to move there with him and Danielle already lives with Liam. It kinda hurts that Zayn didn't ask me to go. Like he didn't want me to move with him.
Today they had a interview. Me, Danielle, and Alexis had nothing to do so we tagged along. The boys all ran from Paul when they had free time before the interview. It was funny when he caught Liam and carried him like a baby to the dressing room. Paul was like a dad to them and me. He was really fun to be on tour with but I could tell he missed his family along with the boys and Danielle. I of course missed my mom but we talk on the phone all the time. I felt bad because Alexis didn't have a family.
“Guys you're on in 5.” Zayn happily