Benign Flame: Saga of Love - BS Murthy (best way to read an ebook .TXT) 📗

her love for me. What a fall it was, after a dream start! Oh, what an ignominious end it was after that ecstatic beginning.’

‘When she was as receptive to my caress at her seat,’ he always thought in puzzlement, ‘why was it that she found my hand on her breast so offensive? But how could she have expected me to envisage the borders of her sensitivity in my state of excitation? True, she would have felt that I transgressed; yet she couldn’t have failed to feel the pulse of my love in the nuances of my touch. Didn’t my heart descend on my hand to vent its love on her frame! And how it rushed to my mouth seeing her disjointed! Why did she choose to punish me with banishment for the failings of my love inspired by her own persona? How she thought I deserved the deserts! Why didn’t she pardon me, finding me repentant?’

He racked his brains for an answer that he never got but was sunken whenever he recalled that episode, ‘Had she pardoned me, how rejoicing it would have been for both of us! Seeing me ecstatic, she should’ve been deliriously joyous, and what a triumph of love that could have been! But that wasn’t to be. What should’ve been a fairy tale romance ended as an unmitigated disaster for both of us.’

‘What could be her name? What a pity that the most ardent love I’d ever experienced should remain a nameless memory!’ he often thought in despair.

That nameless memory presently took his thoughts to an earlier encounter with Jaya, again in a train journey.

He was going to Guntur, by the Circar Express, after holidaying with his grandfather at Kothalanka. Seeing him reading Walden, a young girl borrowed the book from him to have a look at it. However, after leafing through a few pages, she said that the stuff was too stiff for her head. At the next halt, she welcomed her friend, whom she was obviously expecting. Her friend had memorable eyes that moved him. He always knew the eyes that speak insensibly drew him to the endowed woman. If the woman were to be dusky as well, with a tinge of sadness in her demeanor, well, he would find her all the more bewitching.

“May I know your name?” he asked the newcomer, who seemed to find him equally attractive.

“What for?” she questioned him spiritedly.

“To pin your thoughts on to it,” he said memorably.

“Jaya,” she said coyly.

Though they exchanged many an ardent glance during that long journey besides their addresses, their inclinations went the way all acquaintances made in the travel times go - into memory banks.

Even though their mutual liking during a journey might enthuse the hearts of infatuated co-travelers, once it’s over, unsupported by the habit that sustains a relationship, their enthusiasm for each other insensibly wanes, pushing the nascent ardour on to the back burner.

‘Well, even that minor attraction has a name to rivet upon, but this unique happening would remain a nameless memory,’ he was wont to wonder. ‘Why not give her a name? Why not I christen her Swapna, the dream one?’ Once he pondered over the proposition and gave up in the end realizing that even the most evocative name wouldn’t move him since she didn’t lend her voice to it.

While he reached his flat with that reflection, once he hit the pillow, Sandhya reoccupied his mind, ‘Surely there’s something in her that induces a serene desire that’s conducive to peaceable love life. If only she were to be my wife, how blessed I would be.’

Hoping to make Sandhya his wife and envisaging the charms of a life with her, in time, Raja Rao slept expectantly.

 

Chapter 13

Wedding Season

 

When the postman came to deliver Sandhya’s letter that March end, Roopa nearly grabbed if from him to his amusement.

‘My Lovey,

Pardon me for my negligence in spite of a couple from you. With my exams nearing, I wasn’t in the right mood to write to you. But now, there’s great news to convey to you.

I was engaged only this evening to Raja Rao. Yes, I’m not able to believe it myself! We happened to meet in Delhi when I went there. Why imagine, it’s an arranged match, with a little bit of love thrown in by us to spice it up.

He is an architect in Delhi, and my father thought it fit to entrust me to his constructive care even as my heart is enthused by his romantic designs. There’s only one jarring note, though, as you know. I have to move over to Delhi, far away from you. I’m hopeful of coaxing him in time to shift our base to Hyderabad. The wedding is slated for 7th June and needless to say, I need you here before the countdown commences.

Convey my regards to my brother contained in this, need I say, the letter of my life. However, I shall send the customary invitation card to Mr. & Mrs. Sathyam in due course.

My love to all of you®

Ever yours® in waiting,

Sandhya.’

Roopa reread Sandhya’s letter that induced myriad feelings in her – while gloating over her mate’s fortune in finding the right man, she was depressed visualizing the effect Sandhya’s marriage might have on her own life.

However, struck by the sentence in Sandhya’s hand,

‘Why imagine things, it’s an arranged match, with a little bit of love thrown in by us to spice it up’, Roopa began thinking,

‘Can there be a sweeter way to state one’s love. Isn’t everything about Sandhya sweet for that matter? Sweet too must be the beau she has chosen. Why, Raja Rao could be smarter than the guy who attracted her here. Intelligent he must be for Sandhya wouldn’t suffer fools. Surely he must be a dynamic character, as she doesn’t fancy sluggards. Somehow his name too sounds nice though old fashioned. But Sandhya could have made ‘Raja’ his pet name that is for sure. Oh, how am I to address him! Raja might sound too familiar, isn’t it? All the same, Rao would seem too formal, won’t it? But how does he look after all?’

Then she tried to visualize Raja Rao’s persona as per her own proclivities but soon enough gave up in despair for want of any picture of her own dream man.

‘Why didn’t it occur to her to post his photo? Or at least, she should’ve written a line or two about him as her love captured him,’ she thought at length. ‘She surely would have a joyous married life. Isn’t it reason enough for my rejoicing? But then, they would be far away in Delhi. So I won’t be able to share her blissful moments. How can it be helped, after all?’

However, as the thought of the distance depressed her all the more after her visualization of their joy, she felt,

‘Moreover, won’t Sandhya’s ardour for her man insensibly dampen her ardency towards me, sooner than later?’

As she was startled at that, the fear of an erotic gulf between her and her mate froze her

‘No, it won’t be the case,’ she tried to revive her spirits as she recalled Sandhya’s words. “I love you enough to need you too,” that’s what she promised, didn’t she?’

‘What if the aura of Raja’s virility casts a shadow on her lesbian leanings,’ it dawned on her to her despair. ‘Oh, if I were to lose her, what would I be left with to live for? How cruel that would be for me. But what else could I do than keep my fingers crossed.’

The melancholy of the moment brought the memories of her family, and she found herself reminiscing,

‘Could there have been a better couple than them that ever parented? But how do we, their children fare? Suguna and her husband are a contented lot, living within their limitations, one might call them colorless, but of what avail is all the color in life, if it can’t provide a shade of happiness to it! Well.’

As though to contrast her own life, she thought about Chandrika,

‘Didn’t she dare to be different and staked everything for love. What love should’ve given her in return?’

Compelled by curiosity, she thought of writing to her to attend Sandhya’s wedding, even as her thoughts turned to her brother,

‘Well, he wants to become an engineer, good luck to him, oh, how I craved to be a doctor.’

Recalling Rukmini’s fondness for her as her childhood memories came in torrents, she thought,

‘Perhaps, she’s the luckiest of us all, well, the dead have no problems to contend with.’

However, her reverie was broken when Ramu arrived towards the evening.

“I thought Sathyam would’ve come back by now,” he said.

“It’s time for him to come,” as she said,  they heard Sathyam’s Lambretta.

“I’ve some mixed news for you; sadly, my plans to acquire a unit here fell flat in the end, but thanks to the second string of my bow, I could take over one in Madras. We would have loved to be here but well, the opportunity lies elsewhere,” said Ramu.

“Wish you all the best, but we’ll miss you,” said the Sathyams after congratulating Ramu heartily,

“You know, that our feelings are no different,” said Ramu, embracing Sathyam.

“I know what a tight schedule it could be. Still I hope you would spend some time with us before you leave,” said Roopa to Ramu, and turning to Sathyam, she added,

“Sandhya’s marriage is slated for 7th June.”

“Good news galore, who’s the lucky groom?” said Sathyam.  

“An architect in New Delhi,” she said.

‘So, she needn’t pay for the design of her sweet home,” Ramu said heartily.

“We can ask him for a decent discount for yours,” said Roopa in jest.

‘That would be a favour; for reference and record, what’s his name?” said Ramu amusedly.

“Raja Rao,” said Roopa, inexplicably thrilled in pronouncing his name, and seeing the satisfaction in Ramu, she began envisioning the measure of Sandhya’s happiness, only to end up thinking about her own unfulfilled life,

‘Why did life fail me, after all? Why has it denied me that life-filled moment to let me feel fulfilled?’

-----

That midsummer though Roopa was in heat to meet Sandhya, as her apprehensions about losing her mate after her marriage bogged her, she felt like postponing the trip to Kakinada until the very end. However, as her love for Sandhya prevailed over her fear of herself, she set out on her journey as scheduled.

“I’ll be reaching there on the 5th,” said Sathyam, as he waved her off at the Secunderabad Railway Station that mid May.

On reaching home the next morning as Roopa hit the pillow, her parents thought that she might have had a sleepless journey. However, finding her languid even by noon, said Janaki,

‘I’m surprised you didn’t rush to Sandhya. Are you ill or what?’

“I’m a bit lazy but it’s time I left,” she said, and wondered,

‘What is bothering me after all?’

Before she could get a clue to her lethargy, Sandhya came in like a hurricane.

“I couldn’t wait any longer,” said Sandhya enticingly.

“I’ve never seen her so dull,” said Janaki as she left them on their own.

“Congrats,” said Roopa extending her hand, though besieged as she was by a strange transformation brought about by Sandhya’s sight.

“I won’t have it that way,” said Sandhya mischievously folding her hands at her back.

‘Don’t you know I’m cut up with you for not describing the valorous man who conquered your heart,” said Roopa feigning anger.

“I want your second opinion, so wait to see him,” said Sandhya mirthfully.

“How unfair are you! I’ll warn him that you are clever like when even pinned down on the back, yet you would claim a win by crossing your legs over the victor’s back,” said Roopa.

“He’s too smart to outsmart both of us put together,” said Sandhya smiling in reminiscence.

“So, it would be interesting,” said Roopa enthusiastically.

“What’s lacking now?” crooned Sandhya, pushing Roopa’s head into her valley.

“Why are you dull, my lovey?” said Sandhya finding Roopa numb in her embrace.

“I don’t know but I’m out of sorts really,” said Roopa melancholically.

‘I can understand what’s bothering you; I can visualize what his