Benign Flame: Saga of Love - BS Murthy (best way to read an ebook .TXT) 📗

love might mean to me but I know I need you as much as I would need him,” said Sandhya with conviction.

‘Thank you lovey, I love you all the more for our love,” said Roopa in gratification.

With the fears thus dispelled from her mind, Roopa went on devouring the lips that uttered those reassuring words. Then the rosy lien on their love seemed to have lent a new vigor to their libido as they indulged to the hilt.

When Chandrika landed a week later, Janaki turned sentimental all again, “She brought it upon herself, this ostracized existence. We can neither invite them to our house nor can we go to their place.”

“Don’t worry, world is changing,” said Chandrika, assuring her mother.

‘I don’t see any but how I wish it does,” said Janaki going into the kitchen sobbing.

“I love to hear about your love life,” said Roopa unable to hide her eagerness.

‘We’ll come to that later but tell me how your married life is,” said Chandrika.

‘It’s routine with the capital R,” said Roopa.

And suddenly Janaki rejoined her daughters with a rejoinder,

“One shouldn’t forget the fuss Roopa made about the match. And you didn’t heed our advice.”

“Why do you rake up the past?” Ramaiah, who was within an earshot, reprimanded his wife.

“One must know that the path of the future is laid on the tracks of the past,” retorted Janaki.

“Let’s go to Sandhya’s place,” Roopa proposed to her sister after a while.

The moment they stepped out, Roopa was impatient.

“Tell me now,” she said in all urgency.

“Life in a nutshell is challenging as well as charming. It’s as though the complexities of life are compounded in exogamous marriages. At times, it feels that the risk was worth taking, and on occasion, it seems it’s all a bad bargain. There would be depressing moments to go through as well as exciting events to gloat over,” said Chandrika.

“But for mine, I suppose, that’s the way with most marriages,” said Roopa a little disappointed.

“No way,” said Chandrika in explanation, “inter-caste marriages would throw up myriad problems. We encounter sensitive situations and face peculiar pressures alien to the arranged unions. To make it worse, there are external factors that could upset our apple-carts. All of us have personal preferences steeped in our upbringing that are shaped by our respective communal ethos. In endogamous marriages, the commonality of cultural attitudes could limit the deviations in personal proclivities. But the exogamous marriages won’t have the in-built limit switches to keep the couple on course. We have to fend for ourselves in the pathless woods of personal prejudices. The spouses should be on guard always, lest some casual remark of one should hurt the communal sensitivities of the other. All this would only mean that one couldn’t be his or her natural self in a given situation. On the positive side, however, it makes us more responsive to others’ sensibilities.”

“Now I can understand,” said Roopa who was all ears for Chandrika.

“Once we opt for an inter-caste marriage,” Chandrika continued, “it’s as if we have burnt our bridges and cold-shouldered all shoulders to cry over. Unable to relieve ourselves from our pressures, we only help them build up to the breaking point. We cry in the privacy of our dwelling, afraid that the world would laugh at us if found wanting. Though it might provide a vent to the woman, it would invariably vex the man for that tends to suggest to him that it’s all his making. We develop a siege mentality and imagine everyone wants to see us fail. We feel as though the world doesn’t want us to succeed so as to make an example out of us for others to desist from venturing. All this puts pressure on us to make it right as though marriage is a task to be fulfilled. Forced to restrain ourselves, we interact selectively stalling our social integration.”

“Don’t his people support you?” Roopa asked with concern.

“In a way yes,” said Chandrika nostalgically, “but those who happen to come close to us tend to be a hindrance than of any help. If the wife were to be from an upper caste, then the man is congratulated, making her feel humiliated as a symbol of the caste conquest. Well, one should understand their psyche burdened by their collective humiliation caused by the age-old exploitation of their women by the men of the upper castes. Seen from their perspective, it’s as if one of their clan has in some way avenged for all of them by roping in an upper caste female for his cohabitation. If on the other hand, the marriage were to be morganatic, then they condescend to descend as though showing the wife’s place in the privileged setting. In subtle ways, the society, by and large, would ensure that we carry the cross with the odd-couple complex all along.”

“So, what’s your balance sheet like?” said Roopa in apprehension.

“On the whole, it does seem a profitable account, though it needs quite a lot of reconciliation,” said Chandrika.

“I hope you aren’t regretting,” said Roopa.

“Oh, no; but if I’ve to decide all again, I might think twice over, and yet go the same way. The thrill of being different gives a halo to our marriage in spite of everything, though the pressures constantly lead us on a razor’s edge,” said Chandrika sincerely.

“What is he like?” asked Roopa.

“He is quite mature; it’s his maturity and my motivation that’s carrying the day for us. Otherwise, we would have called it quits a long while back,” said Chandrika as her affection for him filled her voice.

By the time they reached Sandhya’s place, Roopa was excited about the challenges that her sister’s life posed. However, in time, seeing her sister’s adventurous life against the backdrop of her dull marital existence, she felt depressed all again. That they didn’t find Sandhya at home only further spoiled her mood, and as they walked back home, Roopa kept mum all along.

“I’ll take you to the doctor, don’t go anywhere in the evening,” Janaki told Roopa as they had their lunch.

“Why, what for?” Roopa feigned innocence.

“Don’t you realize it’s nearing two years now but there are no signs of it yet,”  scowled Janaki at Roopa.

“What’s the hurry?” said Roopa unable to share her mother’s anxiety.

“Maybe, they’re having an extended honeymoon,” said Chandrika in jest.

“When would your tummy show up?” said Roopa to Chandrika.

‘Bear with us, we are at it,” said Chandrika, laughing.

Many a time, it did cross Roopa’s mind that a child should have filled her emotional void. However, Sathyam, in spite of his disappointment, felt that a trip to the doctor was premature.

 

Chapter 14

Veil of Fate

 

The countdown to Sandhya’s wedding commenced with the arrival of the marriage party on that 6th June. The groom’s entourage felt the official clout of Kamalakar, who by then became the District Collector. Officials worked overtime to spruce up the government guest-houses for the occasion. Fleets of department vehicles were lined up at a hailing distance from the guests. The kalyana mandapam was so made up as to resemble the durbar hall of a maharajah’s palace. Attendants in their scores swarmed the place to be on hand for assorted errands.

Sandhya was wondering how to introduce Roopa to her fiancé. She couldn’t take her to him, as custom ordained that a bride shouldn’t move out of the house on the eve of her marriage. She wished that he would come home to see her but the norms left no scope for that either.

“What about going to the guest-house on the sly,” said Sandhya to Roopa.

“Why not, if you don’t mind me being labeled a groom-chaser,” said Roopa in jest.

As they were wondering what to be done, Sandhya’s mother called her,

“O, Sandhya, come down.”

“She won’t let me be on my own even today,” grumbled Sandhya as she went down.

Springing down the stairs in irritation, Sandhya saw her fiancé following her movements from the drawing room. Even as her daydreaming brought him closer to her in her consciousness, she was still shy in his presence for the lack of intimacy. Thus, stopping in her tracks, she blushed to her roots.

“You look sweeter than ever,“ he complimented, going up to her.

“Thanks,” she said coyly.

“It’s I who should thank you for accepting my hand,” he said taking her hand.

“It’s you who started it all, by taking my hand to read in between the lines,” she turned coquettish.

“What of your inviting gestures then,” he said looking into her eyes.

‘Don’t tell me, you’re blindfolded otherwise,” she said all smiles.

“Won’t your beauty impart vision even to the blind?” he said squeezing her hand.

‘Oh, come on, I’ve a treasure to show you,” she said enthusiastically.

“I thought you’ve more than one but why a premature display?” he said mischievously.

“Behave like a bridegroom, don’t act like a playboy,” she scolded him in mock anger.

“Hope you won’t frame rules for our nuptial night and thereafter,’ he said, and as she turned coy, picking up from where she had left, he added,

“Tell me, what’s that you want to show me?”

“Simply follow me,” she led him sprightly to her room.

“Won’t that be my lifelong occupation?” he followed her smilingly.

When Roopa heard their steps, rather instinctively, she kept her inquisitive gaze door-wards. In time, when their eyes met, her gaze was frozen and he stopped in his tracks. As Sandhya was about to initiate introductions, her mother called her again and hurried by her from downstairs, she left her fiancé and her mate to fend for themselves.

As though guided by her charms, Raja Rao found himself walking up to Roopa without taking his eyes off her even as she stood rooted and fixed her gaze at him as though the slightest tilt on her part might distract his path of attraction. However, as he neared her, she insensibly extended her hand as though to ensure he wouldn’t trip in his trance. While he took her hand, as if to hold on to the summit of his life, energized by her dormant desire, she found herself pressing it in all eagerness. As they held their hands thus, their eyes were locked, conveying to each other the convulsions of their hearts. Lost as they were in their enamored state, they had no words for each other but heaving a sigh on hearing Sandhya’s approaching steps, as though to alert him, she pulled out her hand and wrenched her look. At that, as if cut off from the life force itself, his heart was seized and his hand dropped.

“This is Roopa, my treasure,” said Sandhya to him, patting her friend while she herself panted,

“He’s Raja my beau.”

‘Anyway you look at it, it’s a privilege to possess,” he said to Sandhya extending his hand to Roopa.

“What’s that?” said a perplexed Roopa.

‘That I’ll tell you later but now take his hand to cement our friendship,” said Sandhya.  

Roopa didn’t need any further persuasion to recapture the thrill of the past moment.

“If you feel I’m your better half, I may say she is my other half,” said Sandhya to her beau, lacing Roopa.

“What a value addition that’s going to be?” he said meaningfully.

“No less for us, you being our friend, philosopher, and guide,” said Sandhya taking Roopa’s other hand.

“What a pleasurable role to play,” he said to Sandhya even as he tightened his grip on Roopa’s right hand.

“I’m fortunate to be part of both of you,” said Roopa dreamily.

In time, called by Kamalakar, all three went down, the sprightly bride leading and the enamored souls falling behind.

“I suppose you’re finding it tough grappling with our coastal humidity,” Kamalakar greeted Raja Rao.

“Short of altering the climate, sir, you’ve done everything for us. Thanks a lot,” said Raja Rao warmly.

“What do you say about your honeymoon at Kodaikanal?” said Kamalakar to Raja Rao.

“I’ve my Kothalanka in mind, that is if you agree,” said Raja Rao looking at Sandhya. “You could enjoy the scenic beauty of Konaseema, and for me it would be like starting our life where I came into being.”

“I love that for I’ve heard that Konaseema rivals Kerala for