"Student Union" - SJ Bottomley (best fiction books of all time .txt) 📗

has to be considered as a strong candidate for this title. But, thinking about it now, several years after the event, I also feel inclined to remember Sookhi too and maybe she could have been the one. I don’t suppose that it matters all that much, who it was. The important thing to make clear is that eventually, it did happen. Someone, whoever, replaced Kathryn. Someone at university. And then, later on, having finally finished full time education, this shifted back again to the workplace. As a consequence of this, unfortunately, poor Kathryn became little more than a distant memory from what was, by this point, a somewhat forgotten time, forgotten period of my life. Part of the past and consigned to that part of my brain. Someone who should be revered and who around a whole raft of positive and happy memories there was. But not really worth indulging much more than that on.
And then, as you now know, that strange thing happened. And despite the initial amazement that I felt, as described above, that this was actually occurring, and the misgivings that I was experiencing when considering that she was now the fifth person that I was rather infatuated with all at the same time, it was the most unbelievable thing. The reason why it was just so unbelievable was purely down to who it was. You see, what Jo, Beth, Bench and Georgina all had in common with one another was that I was that this was only the first time that I had been interested in them. As good as it was being attracted to them and thinking about them as frequently as I was doing at that point, what none of them could possibly give me was the sheer, indescribable joy of it being the second time that this had taken place. With Kathryn, this was apparent in abundance. When I realised exactly what was going on, what was happening to me, it was made all the better, all the much more exciting knowing that I had been there before. It’s hard for me to say just what I mean because I can’t explain it with any kind of logic myself. But, if you imagine that the first time that I had fallen in love with Kathryn four, five years ago had been so good. Well, now, it was twice as good as this, ten times as good as this maybe. It was like this, I believe, because of what had gone on when I worked with her. That’s my theory, at least. I’m not entirely confident that there isn’t something more behind it than that. Whatever it was that made it feel that fantastic, I certainly wasn’t complaining about it. Soon enough, in fact, I had forgotten all about the reservations that I had felt at that initial stage, when everything was first happening. Instead, I chose to revel in what I was experiencing. And why not? Why shouldn’t enjoy it? Okay, fair enough. It was that same old trap that I fall in all too often. That is to say me thinking that something magnificent has happened and that the whole world has changed overnight, when actually it hasn’t. Nothing had changed. Apart from me. It was only me that was feeling this way again, all of a sudden. Not anybody else and certainly not Kathryn. It didn’t matter though. Whether the world had suddenly turned on its head or not, it couldn’t stop me feeling brilliant. Because I had been through the eight step process, or however many steps it was, that I outlined in “Avril Lavigne”; because I had already been through that once before, I was well aware of the situation and what I was faced with, if I can put it like that. I knew that Kathryn was with someone, that for all I knew, she was very happy with what she had and she wasn’t very likely, any time soon, to come knocking at my door. This was fine. I could deal with that because, as I say, this was something that I had been forced to do when I worked with her. Also, on top of this, because we no longer worked together, there wasn’t now that apprehension that I naturally felt when I came into work on any given day and saw that she was also in and realised that we would be around each other for the rest of that day. While this was, in itself, an unbelievable delight and I would happily go back to those days in an instant; it was also a bit nerve shredding at times. Like I would be around any woman that I was attracted to, not just Kathryn, I was always ever so slightly nervous when I was with her. Although it was a hopeless situation, for the reason that I have stated above, I did try my best to impress her, as much as I possibly could and so, I was forever scared of making a complete fool of myself, when I was in her company. This would have been a disaster, if it ever did happen. With the situation as it was now, it was much easier to enjoy it and to enjoy her for who she was. Now when I saw her, still in Tesco, where she had been for as long as I had known her, I wasn’t a co-worker, a colleague, I was just a shopper, a customer. One of God knows how many she saw from day to day. I was free. I could walk around the shop and do pretty much what I wanted. Kathryn being Kathryn probably wouldn’t have noticed if I started shouting and screaming and running around the place, like a lunatic. I doubt, and I’m being serious about this now; I really do doubt that when I went in to do my shopping and I passed her and she looked at me and I looked at her; I doubt that she even recognised me. I mean that. Maybe it’s just that good old Kathryn eyes glazed over look that tricked me into thinking that, but even knowing this, that’s still the impression that I got. If this was indeed how it was, then it only further demonstrates my point that it was easier for me now and therefore, it was also better.
I stopped “Avril Lavigne” at some point in June. The day before my birthday, I think it was, if I remember correctly. The reason why I did it at that exact point was purely down to what I wrote at the end of that piece. That was that I felt that if I was ever to complete it, I needed some kind of closure, any kind. Because being madly in love with someone does some weird and wonderful things to a man and over quite an extended period of time in most cases. I knew right from the very start, then, that this wouldn’t be merely a two week thing. A flight of fancy. No, once I was in love again, I was in love and that was that. Nothing short of the Third World War or nuclear winter would shake me out of this. And I didn’t want it to. I didn’t want to be shaken out of it. I loved being in love with her. It was the most incredible thing in the world, as I have said already. As well, I think, I was a little bit ashamed of what had happened the first time when I had been stupid enough to forget about her. That, now, seemed like an unforgivable thing to do and I was absolutely determined, that I wasn’t going to do the same thing for a second time. She was too good for that. Far, far too good. She didn’t deserve to have that done to her...Well, not even once, never mind twice. So, I was most definitely in this for the long haul and so the closure that I so desired would never come from me conveniently falling back out of love with her at the right moment. Apart from being insincere to the story, it would also have been completely impossible. I need something else then. Another instance or event that I felt would justify me drawing a line under the piece of writing and saying to myself, “Right, that’s that. Done and dusted.”. This came on 5 June. I bought the new...or newish, by then, Avril Lavigne record, I forget what it’s called right now. I bought it on the evening before my birthday, with Kathryn working at the time, which I felt was another important thing that I had to get right in order for this little scheme of mine to work and finished the work shortly after this. A fortnight or so later, whatever it was. And that’s where I always planned this one to start from. Initially, once I had finished “Avril Lavigne”, I quite rightly, I think, assumed that that would be that. I had no reason to write anything else about her. In the aforementioned piece, I had clearly outlined all of the important things- that initial fairly short period of time when I had fallen for her before she went away, her going to Australia for six months and me in the meantime going through the motions with Sonal, her coming back and me being more infatuated with her than ever and then me leaving and subsequently moving on to other women. Then, finally, at the very end, the typing up of the first Georgina essay, the finding of the Avril Lavigne website and YouTube and the re-infatuation with Kathryn. I mean, what else was I expecting to happen? Repeating what I was saying above, the chances of her turning to me while I was going in for bread and milk and saying, “Hey, Steven. Me and you, how about it?”; the chances of that actually occurring were slim to none, pretty much. So, if I would have chosen to carry on, just what would I have said? Would it have been like a diary, with endless entries saying “Well, I went in to Tesco today and I saw her and she looked and acted completely amazing and I’m so, so in love with her. So in love...”. Yes, probably. I’m guessing that it would have been something very much along those lines. And I’m also guessing that that sort of thing would have got very boring, very quickly. It was enough as it was and I was happy with it. However, things, quite a few things have gone on since that day, since 5 June and I feel that now is the time for me to begin my second piece of writing on Kathryn McKenna. This starts sometime later on in June...

Two
There was something like a forty-five percent chance of Kathryn being on whenever I went into Tesco. That’s what my fiercely non-mathematical brain worked it out to be, anyway. I was happy with those odds. I have to say. Now, you, like many other people, I suppose, as well, would find this entire concept as somewhat stalkerish. I have to say that I disagree with this completely. I disagree with it because the way that I see it, I never went there when I didn’t need to. You know, it wasn’t as though I was in there all day, every day, hoping to see as much of her as I could. Yes, I did want to see as much of her as I could, I’ll admit that, I’ll go that far. I was in love with her! I’d have been daft if I didn’t feel that way. That’s kind of one of the fundamental things about being in love with someone. However...
So, there I was, happy enough with the way that things were. I’d finished what I set out to