Tell me Who I Am (en) - Selia Ascrala (best books to read for self development .TXT) 📗

her eyes, sand in her mouth, and here and there a stone hit her. Painfully she scrambled to her feet to run away but not before giving HIM one last glance through watery dejected eyes, then she returned on her heels made a run for home.

There she tried not to show her face to the adults. Gracie fled to her room and looked at herself in the mirror.

He was right. She was a monster. She hated this round face, these braces. She hated herself.

Furious, she grabbed the green pillow on her bed and threw it at her reflection. Then she grabbed the frightened Appleheart from his basket next to her bed and left the house, and lurched toward the beach devastated, the only place that could calm her down...

She wouldn't have thought that this would become a kind of a tradition, because every time she was sad, the introverted Grace Lex Twyla Pelley would go there with Appleheart in her arms.

A tear ran down my cheek, lonely it gathered on my chin and gave up discouraged, until it was lost among the many grains and soft sand of the beach. Again I looked out at the wide horizon, like the little Gracie Pelley I was at that time. This time the sky and sea didn't touch, instead, individual rays of the sun broke through the clouds on the delicate purple sky. The rays met on the surface of the water, which threw them back, so that the sea seemed to enlighten.

Since that day in my 17 1/3 years of life, none of the people had ever been able to look in my face again, let alone spoken to me. After all, I was embarrassing, and if someone would see them with me, so the one would just be an outsider too.

"Mia-Mwa-wow!... Woof" My lips moved slightly upwards as Appleheart tried to meow. The little rascal would probably never do it. I looked into the distance one last time and let the warm rays caress my skin. Taking in a deep breath, I enjoyed the fresh air with closed eyes and whispered, "Goodbye, Mum. I love you.." Before my eyes fluttered open again, a mild gust flowed through my hair. I turned around, not looking back again.


* * *


Welcome to England.

An uneasy feeling spread through my stomach. Not with excitement, no, enthusiasm was probably the last thing I felt in this moment. If the world would perish now, I would be more enthusiastic. Why? It would bring me relief to not having to see him.

But fate had something against me, well, when it hadn't? My beloved karma was always not at my side, It rather watched for a devious step of me and stabbed me then with a knife in the back, smiling. It really had to love me.

I would rather be on the beach now, letting my skin caress with warm breezes.

But instead, I sat here in the back seat after hours of flying in his mother's car and froze my ass off. My legs were almost shaking. I was grateful to have been smart enough to put on long jeans and a green cardigan that once belonged to my mother.

I blocked the discussions between my father and her out, now that we were in England I shut down completely. I wanted nothing. Not even looking out the window so I could see this degrading rain. So I stared at the driver's back seat and sat there with legs tucked up, like a psycho in a mental institution.

My father would always give me worried glances from his seat in the front, which I skillfully evaded. I didn't want to be selfish, not really, I just couldn't help myself. It all happened so fast and... unexpected.

Even Aunt Maura - His mum - had noticed my discontent, and just pulled me into a hug to greet, but didn't asked further on it, which I was very grateful for.

"So, we are here!", she said enthusiastically and brought the car to a halt.

The weather had cleared a little. That was the first thing I noticed when I looked out the window. Then my eyes stuck on the estate and my breath hitched. It was huge. However, before I got out of the car, I grabbed the cat cage on the seat next to me and took Appleheart out and into my arms.

I didn't want to go alone through this. There was still my father, but unlike me, he was excited. Appleheart wasn't. For cats this country was probably way too moist. I got out of the car reluctantly and slammed the car door behind me, when I already heard a loud rumbling from the front door and immediately the smell of his Armani Mania aftershave wafted over to me. You could always hear him before you saw him.

"Appleheart, I've missed you, you tiger!", I heard his voice. The first time in about seven years. It had changed. Appleheart jumped out of my arms and ran to him. A wave of jealousy swept over me, and instinctively I wanted my cousin to disappear. I heard footsteps coming towards me from behind, but then they stopped, expectantly waiting for a reaction. In the moment when I turned around, and saw him for the first time since then, everything seemed so incredibly slow.

He stood there, grinning at me widely, Appleheart in the arms. Immediately, my niveau crept into the darkest dustiest corner of my closet. I swallowed. Captivated by his piercing azure eyes.

"You're not a moonface anymore," he stated unnecessarily.

I on the other hand. I had a fat disgusting slimy toad in the neck.

Finally I got a sentence out after all.

"Also nice to see you again." Not really. "Niall."


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Well, I think this chapter kind of sucks. I don't know, I probably confused some tenses...

What do you think of the chapter? Write it in the comments! :)

Lots of love

Yase <3

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Publication Date: 12-12-2010

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